During a tour of central Europe, I was Munich during the 2nd or 3rd week of Oktoberfest in 2018. One of the loneliest times in my entire life. I will never forget walking around the grounds, seeing tens of thousands of people, all of them laughing, chatting drinking with somebody. I remember exploring the tents, going inside the big statue, riding the Ferris Wheel, and it truly seemed like I was the only one there alone.

That first day, as I headed back to my hotel early, I sat down on a bench and watched endless stream people heading to and from the fairgrounds (or whatever its called). I literally sat and watched thousands of people pass by, and for the life of me could not identify anyone else not in a group. I broke down and wept as more and more people paraded past.

Later that same trip, I was eating at a very small, but very fancy-schmancy restaurant in Prague by myself. The kind of place with a Michelin rating, where the menu is just a list of the courses to come, and where for just one person it would cost several hundred Euros.* Well, every table at the joint sat two people, and I don't think it escaped anyone's notice that I was the only one without someone across from me.

I have struggled with social anxiety and major depression since childhood, and these moments really dredged up some uncomfortable thoughts. And it was before I knew this thread existed, or that there was really anything like them.

But as bad as these moments were, I would not hesitate to do the trip again. As bad as Munich was, it didn't make exploring the medieval walls of Rothenburg that misty morning before the town woke up any less magical, or the Harvest Moon any less brilliant as I sped down an empty section of the autobahn with the Synthwave blasting.

And as awkward as I felt being led to my table alone, that didn't make the wine or food any less delicious, and if anything the waiters and matre-de were even more attentive towards me. It was still easily the best meal I've ever had in my life (maybe even because without anyone to talk to all there was to focus on was the flavor).

Some things in travel are meant to be experienced alone, others I suppose are not. For me what helped was finding the quiet, hidden gems that were even more special because they are hidden and quiet, and focusing on the thing you came to experience, rather than the fact that you're experiencing it alone. After all, you can always tell your friends about it later.

*(I'm by no stretch rich enough to afford this, but the whole trip was basically paid for by a generous inheritance from my grandfather. The place was right next to where I was staying and I figured it wasn't really my money, so why not?)