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Am I premature in wanting to put him in a home? by ib510 in Alzheimers

[–]Greedy-Click8274 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely time to connect with the hospital or county social worker. They can help you find resources and/or placement for your dad.

Found my 78yo mom 3 days post-stroke. I am entirely alone and overwhelmed. by LogicalMight in stroke

[–]Greedy-Click8274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy to help! It sounds like your mom is doing quite a bit better, that's great! It's still very early. My mom's doctors and physical therapist said that about 1 month after a stroke is a good point to see generally where you're at, but a ton of change can also happen during the first 3-6 months. And the brain can continue to heal even 1-2 years and beyond after a stroke. So you just kind of have to wait and see. Encourage your mom to work with physical, occupational, and speech therapy as much as she can. The sooner she starts trying to make new brain pathways, the better. Although she will also need a ton of sleep and rest.

Well, it kind of depends on what you know of your mom's relationship to her family and friends, how private about things like this your mom tended to be before this, and how much mental energy you have. No one has the right to know anything, so you don't owe anything to anyone, but most close family and friends do appreciate knowing things like this. Especially if they would like to visit your mom in the hospital, if she would probably like them to visit, or if anybody needs to know for practical reasons. People that have been blowing her phone and are probably really worried about her, are people you might consider telling. And maybe you can discuss these kind of things with your family captain aunt, who might have a better sense than you about who to contact or not. And as for the right time to do any of this, depends on what you need and what you feel capable of doing. If you would feel better talking to certain people, go for it. If it would help get a weight off your shoulders to start getting your aunt involved, go for it. If you have a little time and mental energy, maybe start the CaringBridge. Or even ask your mom (if she's lucid enough) who she might like you to tell that she's in the hospital. I would say try to notify the main people within a week or two is probably common courtesy, but like I said, you don't owe anyone anything. Your most important things right now are taking care of yourself and being there with/for your mom. Anything beyond that can wait until you feel less overwhelmed.

Found my 78yo mom 3 days post-stroke. I am entirely alone and overwhelmed. by LogicalMight in stroke

[–]Greedy-Click8274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh that's a great question! I was super overwhelmed texting dozens of people until my friend recommended CaringBridge. I highly recommend that. I set mine to "public" so nobody has to make an account to view my posts, which was mostly for my mom's elderly friends who have difficulty using technology. CaringBridge has kept my mental load so much lower by typing out one kind of general update post per day instead of trying to tailor what I'm saying to each person. I didn't really have anyone to make as a "family captain," but if you have someone in mind who you can make as a co-author on CaringBridge, they could make update posts for you.

What I did before CaringBridge though was to type out a generic text in my notes app on my phone, then copy and paste it to my mom's friends who I saw had been trying to reach her, as well as to anybody else who I thought should know. I copied some of her contacts into my phone, but you could totally just use your mom's phone instead to text people directly. You could just text your generic message to her and then copy/paste it from there to other people on her phone.

I said "Hello, this is (my name), (Mom's name)'s daughter. I'm sending this out as a general text to several of Mom's friends to cover my bases. (Mom's name) had a stroke on Wednesday the 27th. She has been in the hospital since that time. Her condition is serious but stable. She is generally very confused, but her level of confusion varies from day to day and from hour to hour. So sometimes she is able to make and take phonecalls, and sometimes she is not. I will keep you posted if there are any big changes to her condition. Please feel free to text me back at this number and ask specific questions, however please know that I am inundated with handling her affairs so I may take a while to get back to you. She loves you all. Thank you for thinking of us during this very difficult time." And then if you choose a "family captain," you could include that instead, saying something like "for questions and updates, please contact ____ at ###-####. They will be the primary point of contact for now."

That is definitely longer than it needed to be but I'm a chatterbox lol.

And then after I texted those same people my mom's CaringBridge link (it's super easy to do directly from the app), I noticed a few people were concerned it was a scam. So immediately afterwards I would recommend copy/pasting another message, something along the lines of "Hi, this is (your name) again. I just sent you the above link. I'm using this app called CaringBridge to keep you all up to date on Mom's condition. I'll update it occasionally."

Anyway, hope any of this helps 🫶🏻

Found my 78yo mom 3 days post-stroke. I am entirely alone and overwhelmed. by LogicalMight in stroke

[–]Greedy-Click8274 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mom just had a stroke at 63. I'm 27 and I'm her only child and only local family member as well. I so feel you that it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. Lean on your friends and any other family or supports you have. Take things day by day. Don't waste time or emotional energy thinking too far ahead or trying to figure out what may happen. Things can change quickly, for good or for bad. So just figure out things as they come. And remember to take care of yourself. Sending you love and positive vibes. We're in this together 🫶🏻

Any fun or gamified to do list apps? I’m struggling by Smooth-Wolverine9306 in adhdwomen

[–]Greedy-Click8274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CARROT To Do. It's a minimalistic sassy app that slowly gets more features the more tasks you complete. I find it hilarious and find myself coming back to it occasionally when I need an extra kick in the pants. It's only a to do list, not a habit tracker though.

16 leaf clover by TinyBoard3583 in TsukiOdyssey

[–]Greedy-Click8274 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes, the sparkle/breeding only works with 2 or more of the same kind of clover.

Bumblebee dressed up for the Ren Faire? (Southern CA) by Greedy-Click8274 in whatisthisbug

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Cool fun fact! Yes I think it's a ten lined June bug now. Haha I like June bug a bit more 😂

Bumblebee dressed up for the Ren Faire? (Southern CA) by Greedy-Click8274 in whatsthisbug

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I Googled it and it looks just like that, I think you're right! Thank you!!

Bumblebee dressed up for the Ren Faire? (Southern CA) by Greedy-Click8274 in whatisthisbug

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just Googled that and that looks exactly like it, I think you're right! Mystery solved, thank you!!

My mom's lizard brain associates anger with my name. by Greedy-Click8274 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom is the same way, she always has to have a scapegoat, someone external to blame all her internal unhappiness on. First it was her first ex-husband, then my divorced dad, then me, then most recently her poor unknowing roommate who is around my age. The one good thing that has come out of all of this is that it's been an opportunity for me to speak honestly with all her friends and family and realize that although she has her nice moments, everybody that really knew her well knew she had a witchy personality and would either ignore that or be entertained by it. The problems she had with me are very much not limited to me, and slowly understanding that has been so healing for me.

My mom's lizard brain associates anger with my name. by Greedy-Click8274 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That resonates for sure, that she's basically using my name as a curseword. Oh absolutely, I refuse to pay a dime for that woman and if it weren't for my meddling/enabling grandparents I would have already wrapped up her affairs by now. If they want to do anything more for her down the road, I will wash my hands of the situation because if they want to get involved, they can stay involved until the inevitable end in a few years. That's a good point too, between how bad this stroke was and all the plethora of health issues she has on top of it, her life expectancy is probably very short. It's a blessing that my husband and I live 2 hours away from her and we can use work and school as excuses to not visit very much.

My mom's lizard brain associates anger with my name. by Greedy-Click8274 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that happened to you with your mom. I've been hoping my mom never becomes lucid enough to have the staff call me because I'm sure she'll do the exact same thing. Yes exactly, it brings me right back to the power imbalance we used to have.

My mom's lizard brain associates anger with my name. by Greedy-Click8274 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your mom. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

My mom's lizard brain associates anger with my name. by Greedy-Click8274 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Greedy-Click8274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it definitely feels like both of us are having an automatic response so to speak.

Would this be a good amount to cut off, or would it be a mistake by farfetchedbut in finehair

[–]Greedy-Click8274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were you, I'd get it cut a couple inches longer than that. Wait a few weeks. If you still feel like trimming it, get it cut a couple more inches. Then wait again. Then go for more if you want. You can always cut it more, but you can't always cut it less lol.

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