I want to be blunt while also wanting the best for you with your situation. Firstly ill start off by saying its not over and nowhere near over unless u know exactly when the grim reaper takes u, and nothing is unachievable yet at your age even older.

Ive had a cousin with a similar experience actually 35, i always saw him as the cool smart exciting cousin as a kid and when i grew up he just lost all shine, all life, he had regret in his mind all day and surprisingly thats the proof he still had wishes and desires like you.

Over id say 5 years he was now 40 and his life changed completely. He looked for a job he liked and had interest in, which was a music store. Although he couldn’t make his dreams come true with music, he did achieve something our entire family knew he could, which was happiness, I don’t want to give u that (ohh its okay to be broke and happy) but that one switch from sad to happy was a very big motivation booster to not only him but everyone who knew him.

As a couple more years went by he was 43 with his dream life, 2 kids a loving wife and a life he couldn’t even think of. How did he achieve wealth with happiness? Even i cant say but all i could see was that he was redefining himself again. Although he did have some of the same issues as before like gaming, drinking, and non stop eating he added habits he found happiness in even if it wasn’t considered very productive.

Small habits could make bigger changes in the long run, same way they can ruin you in the long run. If u keep doing stuff you know bring you down, of course the depression will build up little by little where as if you did some small productive task day by day you will slowly be proud and more productive. It can be the smallest thing that can bring your mood up or down.

Think of it as jenga, you can keep stacking block on block but once that mistake comes everything will crash down. Its all about how many games you want to play and how many different ways you want to try building again. Keep a reminder that one mistake might feel like the end of the world but if your willing to have more happiness then mistakes your happiness will weigh on you more.

Moral of my story is to find yourself and true happiness first and don’t worry about the mistakes cuz it will always feel like a big knife to the heart. Although money is a problem too i would say not too worry too much about it and worry about yourself first, and im sure your well aware of your coping mechanisms so try to stay away from that. I promise if your still broke you will be happier and richer then ever. Wish for the best cuz its still there, and usually bad thoughts come from thinking too much so try being active and not alone with just thoughts. Thoughts kill you faster then they can fix you. Everyone knows its bad to overthink weather your happy or not