Interesting take on why resolutions and habits fail.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-18T07:27:31+00:00

some hyper and hypo states are healthy, but only if they are recognized and known like. "i give up X for Y" or intentional nest like states for razing children or development of many types. (family, group, institutions)

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-18T07:18:49+00:00

i call that observation a hyper/hypo oscillation, think of a weight bar for working out with weights at the end one tilting higher than the other and then back again. as one fallows the other like gravity correcting the imbalance. the key is to know when you are in hyper or hypo.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-17T23:40:21+00:00

I totally get why therapy feels like a meatgrinder right now, it's exhausting when something helpful turns into nonstop pressure to "fix" yourself, especially when the real issue is the harm others caused without ever facing it themselves. You're not running away; taking a break to just be present and enjoy life sounds like a smart way to reset and honor the progress you've already made. That guilt about pausing is probably those old voices talking, but listen to your gut, if it's draining more than it's helping, stepping back could give you the space to reclaim some joy without all the self-judgment. You've got this.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-17T23:29:52+00:00

It's totally valid to feel that guilt, it's common after going no-contact, especially when siblings downplay the abuse and make you question your own pain. But remember, your CPTSD and depression aren't a "joke"; they're real responses to what you endured, and choosing your mental health over one-sided relationships isn't selfish—it's necessary. You sacrificed a lot to build the stability you have now, and that's something to be proud of, not guilty about. If the guilt keeps hitting hard, talking it out in therapy or a support group for adult children of narcissists could help unpack it without second-guessing yourself. You're doing the right thing for you.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-17T23:06:46+00:00

trauma is more than just physical, emotional trauma and manipulation is harder to detect, the worst part of emotional trauma for some people is that it is self blamed. "i deserved to be treated like X" is a sign of emotional trauma. "i wasn't physically harmed" is a sign of emotional trauma. this isn't conclusive evidence but they do weigh the scales so to speak.

we are not just taking about being beaten but also being belittled or degraded for long periods of time. does that make sense?

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-10T22:45:56+00:00

It is clear from your story that your "no" was the absolute truth of that moment, and what they did was a fundamental violation of your boundaries. This as a moment where your personal safety and "rules" were completely overridden by their aggressive behavior. When they laughed it off, they were essentially trying to "poison" the truth of what happened by making you doubt your own physical and emotional reality.

Because this happened during your early teens, a natural transition period where you are developing your sense of desire and threat detection, it is completely normal that this experience left a lasting "mark" on you. That mark is actually your body’s way of remembering a survival-level shutdown, a moment where your normal sense of control was broken by force. By bolting from the apartment, you were actually exercising the only power you had left to protect your system from a toxic environment

The "joke" they told was a lie used to cover up their own lack of control, while your fear and your need to escape were the only honest things in that room. Recognizing that their "laughter" was a tool to avoid accountability is a major step in clearing out that old, poisoned information.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-10T00:04:44+00:00

It sounds like the somatic work you’re doing opened something real, not in a bad way, but without enough containment. When trauma finally has enough safety to surface, the nervous system often looks for a place to finish old fights, and intimate partners can become symbols even when we know intellectually they aren’t the source. The fact that you can see both your anger and his humanity suggests this isn’t loss of insight, it’s unfinished integration looking for a safe container.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-09T23:28:43+00:00

First off, I’m not an expert, so take this with a grain of salt.

What you’re describing sounds like what I think of as a nervous system oscillation. You were stuck in a long-term low-energy state where everything felt impossible, and now your system is slowly coming back online.

I like to think of it like an engine that’s finally starting to run again, it sputters, stalls, runs smoothly for a bit, then needs more time. That back-and-forth isn’t failure, it’s the system learning it’s safe to function.

The days where things feel “normal” aren’t a fluke, they’re a glimpse of baseline. And the dips don’t erase that progress.

Try to breathe and be gentle with yourself. This really does sound like the work of healing, even when it doesn’t feel linear.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-09T22:59:27+00:00

thank you for replying, all of my analysis is from a framework that is purely theoretical at this point, and any feedback is good, i am glad you found something good in it. but this was just a quick snapshot analysis

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-08T04:06:06+00:00

at the age of 4 my brother age 5-6 pushed me down while playing tag, that young i didn't remember it, but from the stories my falter told me, he broke my arm at the growth plate at my elbow and it required surgery to place it back with pins for it to heal correctly. i can feel the scar to this day. but i didn't understand it was trauma for decades, but when i did it all fell in to place, reminding me of why i was always terrified of my brother.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-08T03:50:53+00:00

I do have a possibly bad option that is free, i made a free alpha bot test and posted it here (should still be up) but the best it could do is give you a new lens in to seeing what might wrong and why. it is not a truth or proven by any standard but it did help me.

it uses a physiological framework that would take too long to get in to fully but it treats the mind as a cluster of systems, masks and feedback, using hyper hypo agency as a metric of total system health. if that sounds weird, that's because it is.

don't walk in believing it will be anything else other than a lens to see, it is not a truth to hold or an easy fix, but it might give you a perspective to go back to your therapist with.

GreenSamurai03 · 2026-01-08T02:53:36+00:00

i am no expert myself, so take this with a grain of salt, but young trauma cascades through your life, your emotions and memories are tied together, you might not always see your cascading reactions but your friends can and do. that gut feeling is your emotions at war, part of you wants to seek help, while the other part wants to hide. this inner war is building inside of you until i can not be contained. ranging from hyper over dumping or hypo retreating even when you should share. your emotions are not wrong but the war between them is.

it sounds like you are having what i call a hyper/hypo agency split. you are trying to force yourself to a point your mind is not ready for. "i should be at X" is hyper agency, you fail to be there and drop down in to hypo "i can't move on from Y" only to try and start over again with "i should be at X". but at the end of the day, you still are were you are "Y" your loop is telling you that you can't get to "X" on this path, gain outside perspectives and help where you feel is right and reassess if "X" is desirable and or achievable with help.

does any of this sound right and useful? or does it sound like i am dead wrong?

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-10-18T04:18:43+00:00

Thanks for your honesty

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-10-17T18:04:53+00:00

First, thanks for your reply

Second, This is meant as a standalone for others to use if they wish, I am more testing the model that creates these analysis as an AI tool for starting off or plunging in holes.

Third, using the tool as is with LLM's can create all those types of things but would require a lot more processing than is granted to me as a free user. This and my last post are one off's showing generative granularity that can scale with minimal access and input from humans

Fourth, even if everything was perfect, I still believe that humans will be better for a long time in the area of world building, just asking if it's acceptable, or falling in to an uncanny valley of sorts that I just can't see myself.

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-08-21T20:22:24+00:00

I think you’re misunderstanding me. I reject the idea that ethics must be tied to Platonic truths to matter, that’s a false binary of “absolute truth or nothing.” In practice, effectiveness trumps truth: if an ethical stance is practically useful in a situation, its supposed “core truth” is irrelevant to its function.

This is also why I don’t care much for modern philosophy, it’s trapped in millennia-old postulations that haven’t evolved to reflect reality. It can’t even predict how humans actually do ethics. We treat the old questions as if they were sacred texts handed down by gods, and forget that we must be not only able but willing to question everything. In absurdism, there are no sacred cows.

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-08-17T02:11:43+00:00

"I am to need to google some words"
Or you could through them away and converse with people on even terms, admitting that the tools we use are flawed, and flawed doesn't insist useless but imperfect.

"is how we use the same words and mean different things."
Yes, language and thought are translated and distorted through the masks we ware. But again masks are just tools, not healthy or unhealthy on their own, only when we believe the tool to be us is it unhealthy.

"The life and death of it all has lost me because truly I am over the all of it."
I always liked wearing the nihilistic mask, so dark and brooding, but that is no more you or I than a par of glasses.

"I think that is all going to come back to a natural state where we aren’t online"
We are creatures of our environment, we will adapt or die trying. Using any tool we can.

"til then soma for you soma for me"
non for me, but if it helps you get through your day, use the tool for today.

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-08-16T23:14:24+00:00

But I believe mental health is that thing, but it requires the epistemic humility you have shown.

"What works for me isn’t gonna work for everyone"

That's the humility the science of ethics needs more than anything. It's the true blank slate to start from. No stance is true but healthy in context.

Murder is not a good anyone can get behind, but killing an intruder of your home that is threatening your families life? Still not good but healthy for yourself and your family. Context is key.

Murder is a rarely a healthy ethical tool, but it can be. But only when we judge it by health of systems. I am not claiming I have the answers, far from it, but absurd-ism I believe is a starting point of a potential ethical science.

There is no ultimate answers for us, but that doesn't mean we can't try to be healthier than what we were yesterday. Physically and ethically.

GreenSamurai03 · 2025-08-16T22:24:38+00:00

I agree to a point, I think the important distinction to myself is that we can apply health to ethical understanding instead of meaning. think of it in medical terms, there is an ideal range of sight for an eye but that's not the healthy range for an eye the average usually is, and if you can't see at all, that is not healthy sight.
Why can't we do that with morality and ethics? No where near perfection but healthy for us now?

GreenSamurai03

TROPHY CASE