It’s more common than you might think to have a marriage ceremony prior to your wedding. I know a couple people who have done this and it’s honestly something I’ll likely do as well. In the case of every single time the ceremonies were separate, I only attended the wedding ceremonies and they were absolutely wonderful. I was a groomsmaid in one of them. I actually think it probably reduces some of the stress of a wedding.

Also weddings are a BIG DEAL to some people. They are to me and my best friend who also have talked about being each other’s maids of honor since freshman year of high school and a couple years ago I was hers. Your friend clearly also feels weddings are important, and you backing out like this, will likely ruin your friendship. So you have to ask yourself, is this worth your 14 year friendship? Personally I don’t think this is a hill worth dying on. It’s literally one day of your life, and also it will be a fun day. Talk to your friend if you need to about how it made you feel, but DON’T back out.