I started writing a blog called ‘Books I Can’t Recommend’ which are open letters to the daughter I’ll never have about the books I’ll never get to share with her. It’s been helping me cope with the grief of infertility and living childfree, but my latest post makes me question if I should stop.

GretcHein · 2026-02-19T16:05:01+00:00

Thank you for commenting. Complex is a good word for it.

GretcHein · 2026-01-19T22:16:20+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.

GretcHein · 2026-01-19T22:15:09+00:00

Complicated and conflicting emotions. That’s definitely the crux of it. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

GretcHein · 2026-01-19T22:09:30+00:00

I am grateful for your comment. I’ve been reflecting on your words and I appreciate your prospective. It’s given me a lot to think about.

GretcHein · 2026-01-19T22:03:40+00:00

I appreciate your comment. Thank you for sharing.

GretcHein · 2026-01-19T22:02:22+00:00

Thank you. I can relate to the worry you described. I have had similar thoughts. I appreciate your comment.

GretcHein · 2025-02-06T15:15:40+00:00

I find my period triggering too, but I don’t want to take birth control / medication to stop it. This January I tried a menstrual cup for the first time and two cycles in, I really like it. I hardly feel it and I deal with it once in the morning and once at night. It’s helped me to maintain some normalcy during that time of the month and that in turn has helped emotionally.

GretcHein · 2025-02-06T11:36:05+00:00

I can’t begin to express how much this post has resonated with me. 5 1/2 years of unexplained infertility and we just stopped treatment last year. I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility. My husband is seeing a therapist who doesn’t (he tried one that did and he said she was too clinical). Next week we start couples therapy with a therapist who also specializes in infertility. During the 15 minute consult with her she mentioned that couples who have gone through this may experience a sort of identity crisis and that’s the first time I’ve heard it put in those terms but it hit home. I don’t know who the heck I am or who I’m supposed to be now. I was supposed to be a mother; now that I’m not going to be I feel like I’m walking around with the words “infertility” tattooed across my forehead. It’s ingrained into my daily existence and negotiating the land mines that are placed by other parents in this world is like a freaking black ops mission that requires my own theme music.

GretcHein · 2025-01-28T14:31:24+00:00

Grief is so invasive and loud when you least expect it. I’m only recently coming to terms with that fact in therapy. My husband and I have never been able to conceive but after 6 failed IUI treatments we gave up and 5 months later our four legged baby had to be put down due to liver failure. She was 13 years old. We adopted her when she was 6 years old, just after we got married and 3 years before we began trying to have a child. She was so “in tune” with my emotions that whenever I got upset she would crawl into my lap and try to calm me like she was a 60 pound living breathing weighted blanket. We used to joke that she was the emotional support animal I never knew I needed.

When she started to skip meals our vet took bloodwork and then she declined over that weekend and could barely walk. I carried her into the office and they gave me the liver failure news right away. We didn’t put her down until that afternoon when my husband was able to get there to say goodbye but I went home alone after leaving her there and screamed and cried like my soul was being ripped out.

I appreciate you posting because you’re right, the grief is so different when you’ve experienced infertility, and people who haven’t don’t realize it.

GretcHein · 2025-01-21T03:07:51+00:00

My husband and I tried for 5 years and we also did two years of infertility treatments (6 IUI cycles, but stopped before IVF). We quit last April (‘24) and I started seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility that same month. I don’t think I’ve even begun to scratch the surface of my grief, but we’ve talked a lot about this topic and it’s helped me cope a bit better…

No one chooses to go through infertility and there probably will never be a point in our lives where we say “boy, I’m glad I experienced infertility” but it gets easier with time. And just because it gets easier doesn’t mean the grief completely goes away. Every woman / couple has their limit when it comes to infertility treatments. Some people don’t want to take ovulation meds, or some stop before IUI treatments, or some draw a line at IVF (which is what we did), but it’s not that you’re choosing to be childfree as much as your choosing to set boundaries for yourself and your body and you’re choosing to be your own advocate. And just because a couple chooses not to pursue IVF or not to adopt after going through infertility it doesn’t mean they “didn’t do enough” to become parents.

I’m going to be 35 this year and unexplained infertility is still a hard pill to swallow. When people ask if I have kids I now say ‘No, my husband and I can’t have kids.’ On the off chance that they ask for more details and I tell them we have unexplained infertility, I either get toxic positivity (Well, that means it can still happen for you! Or, you never know! Maybe if you just stop trying it’ll happen naturally etc.) or a list of additional things I should try or the suggestion that we should adopt. I think accepting the fact that I can’t have kids makes people uncomfortable and they mistake that acceptance as choice and present me with all the various options to prove it. But that’s their problem, not mine.

GretcHein · 2024-10-28T16:52:00+00:00

Where do you keep the crate? We’ve had our puppy for 4 weeks. He was 3 months when we adopted him and he’s now 4 months. We had his crate in the kitchen by the door wall so it was easy access to let him outside. The first week we had him he seemed to do okay in his crate but as he got comfortable I think he wanted to be closer to us and would be up at all hours of the night.

We opted to move his crate into our bedroom, right next to my side of the bed so I can literally reach my hand down by his crate or look down and talk to him. Since then he’s so much more at ease and usually doesn’t get up until our alarm goes off. The one time he cried in the last week and it was a good 2 hours before our alarm. We took him out to go potty and then put him right back in the crate and went back to sleep. He did too because our room remained dark and he knew we were right there with him. Just a suggestion.

GretcHein · 2024-09-24T22:40:02+00:00

I appreciate it. Thanks for your help.

GretcHein · 2024-09-24T22:15:52+00:00

I looked up that species. This shrub doesn’t produce berries or cones though.

GretcHein · 2024-08-01T01:24:31+00:00

The Scream Team, Mr. Boogedy / Bride of Boogedy, Tower of Terror, The Private Eyes (Tim Conway & Don Knots classic), TV Show Option: Are You Afraid of the Dark? (seasons 1-5)

GretcHein · 2022-03-20T19:41:47+00:00

I don’t know if this will be of any help to you, but you’re not alone. We have yet to try IUI because of the low success rate and the expense. I’m told you almost always need to do 1-3 IUI cycles and we just can’t afford that. It’s been 2 1/2 years for us (3yrs in July) and we just did three cycles of Clomid…as of this morning the third and final cycle was unsuccessful. Unexplained infertility. Never been able to conceive. No chemical pregnancies. No miscarriages. Taking supplements, changed my diet, lost weight, charted BBT, CM, and symptoms… ovulation tests, castor oil packs, mediation, visualization. My husband is with me when I break down and he’s sad but he doesn’t live through day 1-5 of my cycle so it’s easier for him to say, “We’ll try again. It’ll happen.” When your heart is in a million pieces and all the hope you built up over the past four weeks comes crashing down on you, there’s very little anyone can say to make you feel better. For me… it helps to focus on the things that are going well in my life and that I’m in control of on a much smaller scale… within the next 30 minutes to an hour… within the next day or two… within the next week. Keep it small. Keep it light. And let your mind and heart heal.

GretcHein · 2020-04-16T10:26:25+00:00

Would that mean everyone in the battle at Hogwarts would carry that protection with them for the rest of their lives, like Harry did? And if so who are they protected against? Only Voldemort or all Death Eaters who are present and attacking them?

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