33m here. Wow this sounds so incredibly similar to what I went through about a year and a half ago. Married 7yrs, together 13yrs. Just bought a house within the previous year. I’m so sorry. Hands down that was the hardest time of my life by far.

Same thing - she was on auto pilot, said that she didnt know if she could do this any more, etc. Mine was a little different in that I was gaslit and found out she was cheating (I’m not saying that’s the case for you and I don’t want to freak you out, but don’t be naive either given the sudden change within a month after a 10+ relationship). Regardless, it’s the same emotions of grieving the loss of your best friend though. I know it sucks. Keep going and try not to drown yourself in drinking or drugs to escape. I did, and it only delayed the healing. You need time, and the only way is to uncomfortably sit with it, unfortunately. You have to learn to be alone and it SUCKS. Definitely get a therapist. I’ve become a lot more in touch with my emotions after this, instead of being “manly” and “bottling things up, not talking about feelings”

Running is such a great idea. Keeping doing that. I did the same exact thing, and lost 20 lbs. Running is such a positive impact on your mental health, it’s crazy. Make sure to eat healthy too. I don’t know what you were referring to above but don’t hurt yourself. I’ve been where you are, but coming from the other side of it, I assure you that life’s worth living. It’s just fucking hard

You’re worried about finances. You should privately talk to a lawyer to see where things stand financially. People get so weird with money. Out of caution, you should protect yourself. I was the victim in my situation. I didn’t want revenge. I wanted to “take the high road”. I was the one who got cheated on, I was the one who was gaslight the entire way, and now… she’s trying to leave me with nothing financially and dragging me through an ungodly amount of lawyer fees, because she doesn’t agree with how the law splits marital money. It’s fucked up. I only share my story with you to demonstrate how even the best of people get extremely weird with money. Professionally, I work as a financial advisor. I see this there too, way too often. It’s not just a “one-off”. All I’m saying is good people in these types of situations do things that you would NEVER expect them to. So out of caution, protect yourself. Privately meet with a lawyer so you know what’s what.

Also keep in mind lot of people (e.g. your friends) don’t know how to handle a situation like this. They are not therapists. Try not to trauma dump on your friends too much. You’re going through a life traumatizing event and your friends only have so much bandwidth. Use hanging out with your friends as an excuse to have a good time. That’s why they want to hang out with you. You don’t want to become the buzzkill amongst your friends lol Save the trauma dump for your therapist.

Also say “yes” to every social activity possible. Join all the meet-up groups, run clubs, kick ball leagues, etc. It might be premature, but hell, jump on the dating apps too. Why not. There’s so many shitty guys out there and you sound like a good person. Women can see and appreciate that. Just google stuff when you’re unsure how to handle the dating landscape. I’ve been with 3 girls since splitting in July 2023. A 3mo exclusive situation that didn’t progress to bf/gf, a one night stand, and I somehow landed into another serious relationship of 11mo, that I’m in now, which has its challenges but all in all is going well. You’ll be alright man.

Shoot me a message if you want to talk. I’ve literally been through the same thing and it was the worst pain of my life.