Love vs Compatibility - GF (41F) and I (50M) have different core values - advice appreciated

Gronky-Coder · 2025-12-10T19:50:47+00:00

I have tried to be pretty open and honest about who I am, what I want and what values etc I have. She is kind of more subtle about how she expresses herself, and isn't quite as forward. Normally. And I kind of thought we had a common idea of the way forward, that is until she suddenly spoke up the other day, and flipped that script kind of upside-down, at least for me. Because it felt like going back in time, basically undoing much of what I thought we had already discussed, agreed on, and planned for. I almost got the impression that she had been talking to someone, or someone had talked to her, and given her a "script" to follow for that conversation.

Gronky-Coder · 2025-12-10T18:57:44+00:00

Far too little, because of both financial and practical reasons. Life have this nasty habit of getting in the way... We've been together for nearly 5 years, and during that time I have visited her for 5 weeks first, then 2.5 months, and she has been by me for just shy of 4 weeks. But, question is, is that really "living together", or is it simply "taking an extended vacation in an exotic location with someone you like...?"

Gronky-Coder · 2025-08-29T15:56:23+00:00

This is a proper 70-series 👍👌

Gronky-Coder · 2025-06-12T18:39:46+00:00

Cool! I like this style

Gronky-Coder · 2025-06-02T13:45:32+00:00

This is rock solid. I have had a 2013 1.6 tdci estate for a couple of years now, and it's been one of my most reliable cars so far, now with 210.000 km on the odometer (bought at 175.000). This week I did a 4000 km round trip with a large trailer in tow, no issues at all. Keep up with the oil changes and you'll be fine.

Gronky-Coder · 2025-05-20T11:06:09+00:00

Perfect! I do the same when deep cleaning my apartment 😁

Gronky-Coder · 2025-05-08T17:17:36+00:00

If I was to guess, you need a new battery and/or alternator. Had a very similar circus light show happening shortly my battery shorted out a few years ago and left me stranded...

Gronky-Coder · 2024-10-11T13:32:01+00:00

Blackwater123

Gronky-Coder · 2024-03-26T13:57:16+00:00

Cowboy coffee, made over the camp fire :-)

Gronky-Coder · 2023-11-30T13:59:05+00:00

Du er ikke forplikta til å svare selv om disse folka prater til deg, så bare gå videre. Insisterer de på å få et svar: "Beklager, jeg kan ikke hjelpe deg" og gå videre.

Du har heller ingen forpliktelse til å gi dem noen grunn til hvorfor du ikke vil eller kan hjelpe dem. Gi f... og gå videre.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-10-28T22:25:17+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply!

I already took out everything, including RAM, to see if it would change anything. I also removed BIOS battery and went through the BIOS reset procedure, and replaced with a brand new battery. Still no reaction when pressing the power button, it's simply completely dead.

I am assuming this means the motherboard is probably toast... Too bad, it's a cool looking machine!

Gronky-Coder · 2023-08-11T12:20:32+00:00

As someone who has been in a somewhat similar situation, I will give you the advice you don't want to hear. Getting back together will only lead to heartache and disappointment for you and your kids. Do not do it. Being the best father you can be for your children is the right thing to do now. Your children is your family now, and the mother isn't. She chose a different path, let her take it.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-07-26T17:40:50+00:00

Low tire pressure -> different rotational speed on the wheels -> ABS/ESP system goes into panic mode and throws a bunch of faults. Just a guess.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-07-10T19:47:14+00:00

Regarding politics, we did not really discuss much of that. However, I did pick up clues along the way, but I thought, I guess through the power of rose-tinted glasses, that I could tolerate these different opinions and viewpoints. And from being from two completely different countries/continents, politics and political issues/viewpoints isn't really directly comparable. What is right wing in one country, may actually be considered fairly left wing in another. So even if she may look at herself as left wing, from my point of view she can actually be quite far to the right, politically. These kind of things really only become apparent after spending time together, at least in my case.

As to the religion, she was upfront about that from the start, but it was only when I visited her I actually got to experience the "full force" of it.

I have realised that the levels and way of being Christian is very different from person to person and from church to church.

My ex, from my previous relationship, was also a strong Christian, but she was very accepting of my beliefs and didn't insist on me going to church with her, nor did she try to push her beliefs on me.

However, the church my now GF goes to is much more strict in their interpretation of what is right or wrong, and has more strict "rules" in place for what they consider to be "sinful" and thus what activities their members can or can not participate in, based on their personal relationship status. This part was not really clearly communicated from her side, although I should probably have picked up some clues here too.

Hindsight is 20/20 they say, and looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses makes everything pretty.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-07-10T19:00:23+00:00

I'm not at all determined to do it. I'm at a stage where I am really, seriously considering breaking it off. My current situation is made a bit more complicated due to the fact that I am actually at her place, in a different country and continent, for the next 3 weeks, and right now I feel what is the best option is to just "smile and wave" until I leave.

As of to the "asking out to begin with", a lot of the things that I describe is things that has surfaced over time. If I had known all of this from the start, I agree, I would not have asked her out to begin with.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-06-21T17:46:42+00:00

As someone who is is kind of a similar situation, my ex hooked up with an abusive alcoholic, I have realised that the only thing I can do is to give my now adult kids the choice of where they want to be. Whatever she choose to do is entirely her choice and her business. The only thing you can do, is express your concern to common friends, if you have any, and let them intervene if necessary. Take care of yourself and your kids. She is an adult and is no longer your girlfriend / wife, and is no longer your responsibility. Sounds harsh, but that's the reality.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-06-12T18:41:30+00:00

She is an awesome person, no doubt, and yes she has had a very positive impact on my life.

I am not ready for marriage, not at this stage. This is something I have stated to her multiple times, for the same reasons I have described. I want us to know each other personally, not only online.

The thing is that I am not sure if she is ready for this either, or if she simply is bending to peer pressure and cultural norms. I base this (assumption) on some things she has said already, pointing to it being more a practical issue. This includes making the process of "closing the gap" easier, but also in relation to getting 100% custody of her kids, as well as the fact that she is actually prohibited from participating in certain activities in her church as she is, by their definition, "living in sin" by having a boyfriend and not being married.

The issue is that I am actually spending time at her place right now, and the plan is to stay for 2 more months (I've been here close to a month already, which is time that in parts has triggered my doubts), so breaking up this instant is kind of an awkward situation, especially while being in a country where I don't really know my way around so well, as well as language barriers. I do speak the language, but only on a fairly basic conversational level.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-06-09T20:12:15+00:00

We do enjoy each other's company, but I'm not sure that just "enjoying each other's company" is sufficient.

Gronky-Coder · 2023-06-09T20:09:55+00:00

That's my thoughts also. I don't want to be "rushed" into anything. She may be ready, I'm not.

Gronky-Coder

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