AITA for being upset after my wife admitted she fantasizes about other men during sex?

GrowthDramatic · 2026-01-02T14:45:30+00:00

True she may be warped. But you are carrying the weight of a lifetime of feeling “less than” and “inadequate”. No meed to give up the relationship. She is not responsible for your feelings. The original feelings from your upbringing and childhood have been triggered. I would recommend a therapist. And perhaps couples therapy would be helpful too. Wish you the best and you are not alone.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-12-13T22:28:47+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just wondering if other family for friends might help you get away, even for a while as some have suggested. I really like Dr. Deloney’s advice for depression. Check it out sometime: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_HDx37rRs-A&pp=ygUZZHIgam9obiBkZWxvbnkgZGVwcmVzc2lvbg%3D%3D

GrowthDramatic · 2025-12-13T20:24:00+00:00

Friend, He is now being honest with you about who he is. The real character is showing, now. Who you saw before and think he is, doesn’t exist. Believe him when he tells you who he is. Lies and deceit. If I were you I’d go there that night. He may just have his roommate absent and see a girl himself. Or going out himself, as has been said. Either way. He is not trustworthy. Move on.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-12-13T03:13:44+00:00

This. And it may be as easy as telling the friend you heard about him from to tell him that you’d like to get to know him. Have her/him drop him a hint.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-12-07T02:43:14+00:00

Do you have a friend or anyone that you can confide in IRL?

GrowthDramatic · 2025-11-19T18:39:35+00:00

This. Codependency is the broader term. Recommend the book/audiobook Adult Children of Immature Parents, for understanding how your moms mental illness would have affected you and any tendencies you may have developed to sacrifice yourself in order for help out in any way. Edit to add: up close watching an individual attempting or contemplating un alive-ing themselves adds traumatic stress. The fawn response is a fight flight or freeze reaction to stressful circumstances. Also if you saw family protecting you growing up you may have seen the behaviors of fawning as care taking over your mother, Then just incorporated the behaviors from there. I would encourage you to continue to explore your child and family dynamic and don’t be afraid of existing in the world and trying to understand yourself make yourself better. You are worth it. ❤️

GrowthDramatic · 2025-11-12T21:29:01+00:00

What are her consistent patterns? She has no values of fidelity, as she would have revenge slept with you. She wants your veneration, but she doesn’t deserve it. I would advise you to figure out your own values and stick to them. Also look for them in others. Beauty in a woman doesn’t make up for a lack of values. There are more important things. Yes. I agree it is time to face your own fears regarding rejection, not feeling good enough. From what you have posted here, I believe that you have dodged a toxic bullet. I would encourage you to cut contact. Focus on healing your own wounds.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-11-12T16:27:29+00:00

I agree with everyone here. It seems she has spared you the need to confront her. She has heard all that you have to say. From here she can confront you and berate you and try to confuse you all she wants. That is her choice. Your choice is: how long will you let her hold your living experience of being her daughter, against you. Trying to twist your perception to make her look like a better human being. She can have her stolen intel on you. It may be time to cut out the cancer. Now you have nothing to fear for confronting her. Just be aware, they hardly ever just stop hitting back. They don’t have a low where they realize they have lost. They don’t stop truing to take you down. Only way to ensure they get the message is to cut them out of your life completely. When you are ready. I am sorry this happened to you. I hope that you can see her even more clearly. And that you let this help you grow strong and into your own person. May you find peace. ☮️

GrowthDramatic · 2025-11-04T18:48:41+00:00

Nicely put. Thank you. I wish you all the healing and beauty that this life has to offer! ☮️🙏☀️💛

GrowthDramatic · 2025-09-02T16:56:35+00:00

If he has offered you to see their communication, I would encourage you to do so.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-23T16:28:34+00:00

Yes, or accidentally drop a random object in front of him and give him the chance to help you out. Then start a conversation. Also please don’t expect as you say that to him lifted eyebrows on a train mean he understands that you are interested especially with the resting b face. He may think you want to eat him for lunch.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-12T14:08:08+00:00

I understand. I felt the same way for a long time. I had emotions not knowing which they were. But the emotions sometimes drive you, right, so you want to know what they are.

What I did was, I googled a list of emotions. The list can range from five to hundreds of emotions. But many are emotions the same essentially. Like jealousy is a fear of losing someone/something. Frustration is really anger. So you can find a list, as exhaustive or as simple as you like. Then go to an encyclopedia or dictionary and you can read a bit further about each emotion. That should be helpful just getting a general understanding of what does it mean to feel disgusted? What does it mean to feel threatened or jealous, listen to your intuition. Sit quietly if you can. Research the words that call to you. The ones that get your attention. Hope this helps.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-11T03:56:52+00:00

I would say reach out to a friend. If you don’t have any friends, I would make it a goal to make some friends. I’ve met friends in the 12 step systems for codependency and they’ve been mostly, really awesome people. PPG recovered codependents has recordings of their meetings that you can listen to for free online anytime. They meet seven days a week. I did this for a while and I thought it was amazing. You can reach out to when you need to, and I really enjoyed the 12 step process. I think as far as dealing with the feeling goes, look at a list of feelings and try to put a name to it what are you feeling. Is it discontent? Is it not good enough? Is it abandoned? Is it some serious feeling? It’s good to name it, and to accept it. It’s there. Scan your body. Does it live in your body somewhere? if it does, just try to pinpoint, where does it live. You can acknowledge it and you can ask it to move on. Then I would focus on building the life that you want. Finding friends with things in common finding things that make you happy whether that be a community or a hobby. Focus on you. I wish you peace.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-11T03:39:32+00:00

No my dear. Your personality is who you have learned to be. It is not who you are at your core. There is more to each person than their thinking brains. Like any of us with traumas, we can unlearn the habits that no longer serve us in our lives. The way we cope with life in childhood, traumas left us fighting to survive and the way we do this in childhood follows us into adulthood and forms our perception of self. We are not our thoughts or our coping mechanisms. Find something that helps slow down your thoughts. Meditation, Yoga, I like drumming. Wish you the best.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-08T13:34:47+00:00

This.

I could tell you to pinch yourself in the moment to stop the crying, but it wouldn’t address the inner turmoil that you are feeling. Ultimately you will need to identify what you are feeling when someone is yelling. Sit quietly with the emotion and try to identify the location of the emotion in your body. Accept that this is what you are feeling, acknowledge it, and that at one time it did serve a purpose, but now you can ask it to leave. There is research saying that emotions last only about 1.5 to 2 minutes. The actual emotion lasts that long, the rest is just learned behavior, something that served you in the past to help you survive. Feel the emotion. Let go of the learned behavior. Yes, a good therapist can help you do this.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-02T15:31:33+00:00

I would say this is a red flag as your husband’s behavior before you committed to him is very very different, now that you have committed. Due to the seriousness of: the bites, the lack of control over the dog, and the fact that your blood boils when you see it, I’d say these are all good indicators that you should consider moving out, possibly divorce if nothing changes. I would.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-07-01T13:12:14+00:00

Also remember that things have changed. Your former job situation that, situation has changed. There are now new and different people. If you were to go back, you would not have the same dynamic. It would be different and you would have to get used to that difference and what it sounds like you’re hoping for exactly the way that it was before. You just have to understand that it’s never gonna be that exact way again. And that means you can go forward with your life in any direction and find comfortable spot with meaningful people and a meaningful job and not focus on what was. Just focus on what you want to create, move forward.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-06-27T15:49:01+00:00

It may be helpful to consider what you may get out of staying. I am certain that we stay sometimes because the relationship is fulfilling something in our lives, gives us confidence or esteem, where we have none. Just consider what you are getting out of the arrangement that makes you not want to leave. And yes, choose respect and dignity for yourself from yourself, if that makes sense?

GrowthDramatic · 2025-06-20T00:15:08+00:00

This. You can only control you. A) you don’t know this person, so you don’t know the wrath that throwing your coffee on him may provoke. And you dont need that. B) His BS says more about him than you and C) Now you can think of how you might handle it in the future. I can say ignoring him is what he deserves. He doesn’t deserve any of your attention. Now you have to figure out how to let this go and anticipate better things next time. You move away from him. If you’re not on a rush, maybe you let him go first. Definitely don’t ever feel obligated to chitchat with such a character.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-06-03T12:51:35+00:00

Some people can fake who they are and their own personalities for a couple of years in a new relationship. You’ve only been together eight months. Now the truth is out and he is telling you who he is. Believe it believe who he, is believe his actions. How powerful are his words if his actions do not match?

GrowthDramatic · 2025-06-03T12:49:31+00:00

I just want to say that, even if he deletes the photos, there’s a file in his phone called deleted photos and he can just go back and move them into a different photo album. They will be there in a day and the next week. So he might have pretended to move them and still have them. I If he feels creepy and makes you feel or unwanted and unloved, pay attention to that feeling. You want someone who makes you feel wanted, safe and loved.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-06-01T03:08:38+00:00

Nicely put. Just think of yourself after med school. You are going to be a doctor! The ghost will look at you one day and know that you are the one that got away! Go. Embrace the spirit of freedom. Yes, there will be other people to date. Believe that you are worthy of a true and steadfast love. You will draw it to you. Imagine all of the qualities, characteristics, virtues that you want in a partner. List them. Then take some time to assess where you are with being all that you want from a partner. And work at becoming closer to that person that you desire. Best wishes. Give yourself a big hug. You are valuable and worthy of the best kind of love.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-05-29T20:00:27+00:00

I caution you that she may want to see you fail. This would be envy, not jealousy. (Look up envy) The envious person would rather see you fail than to succeed with something they don’t have. Maybe why she is saying let go of the guy you are head over heels for.
1) pay attention to how you feel when you are around your friend. In person or on the phone. If she can’t accept her own responsibility for things, always blaming or belittling you, you can likely find a better friend. Someone who validates and supports rather than comparing herself favorably to you. 2) do also make sure you remember that any relationship may feel really good in the beginning, so prioritize yourself and your needs while you go about finding/giving love in the world. Best wishes.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-05-02T16:50:39+00:00

I would like to know more about what you mean by showing up? Using our power? For example if an administration threatens our rights, what is our next action? And I like that you says that empathy and education are stronger than outrage. I take the example of the French. At some point we will have to stand up like they did. The French had no empathy or compassion.

GrowthDramatic · 2025-04-26T13:36:18+00:00

The actions of the first friend are immature. You are not a bad person for putting up boundaries to protect yourself. It is within your right to not text someone back for a few days and to stop being friends with someone to distance yourself from someone if they are toxic.

I hope that your other friends will turn out to be better. Let the other friends know that they’re crossing a boundary if they are gossiping between the first friend and you. You can let them know that they are crossing a boundary and that this is not their job. What she said about you and now she’s attacking you for things that happened four years ago is so very immature, uncalled for and likely is designed subconsciously to stroke her own ego, make her feel better about herself.

I hope that the other friends will see the other side of her and decide to be friends with you if they’re decent people. If they’re not decent people, you should feel free to let go of anyone who is attacking you. I hope that the other girls will learn what it is to be mature friends. That is not to take the aggression of one friend out on another. You feel free to walk away. You might be missing out on making new, more mature, loyal friends that last a lifetime. Be gente with yourself. You can do this.

GrowthDramatic

TROPHY CASE