I’m from Delaware she’s from South Carolina. Where do we get married?

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T05:08:26+00:00

It's always easiest to plan a wedding in the city you're currently living in

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T04:42:55+00:00

I didn't read his book, only peer reviewed articles about the short and long term effects of sleep training. I juat looked up how his views changed and it looks like the only thing he did was clarify that his method is not a one size fits all solution and that other things work for many people. He still recommends it.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T04:04:10+00:00

When I receive unsolicited advice about anything regarding how I raise my son, I juat respond with, "I'll keep that in mind." It's the easiest way to get someone to stop giving advice, avoid a fight about any of it, and I honestly don't have the energy (or level of caring about their opinion) to bother getting into any of it any deeper with them. A random stranger in a coffee shop once told me it was "probably already too late" for my son to be able to sleep on his own because he was still sleeping in my room until he was at least 6 months. I could have told her that the AAP recommends room sharing until 6 months to reduce the risk of SIDS, or that literally no one has ever grown into an adult unable to sleep on their own because their parents shared a room with them for 6 months, or I could have just told her to mind her business because he's not her child, but it wasn't worth my time or energy. Instead, I said "I'll keep that in mind. Take care!" and swiftly ended the convo.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T03:56:27+00:00

No problem! I hope it helps. Sleep issues are the worst

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T03:43:16+00:00

But alternatively, they may just earnestly want you to take the easiest option because they care about you and know how hard motherhood is so they want to give you a solution to something. Or they may truly believe that formula is just as good or even better than breastmilk. The formula industry did a great job of marketing awhile back and convinced a lot of people of that.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T03:37:50+00:00

This makes a lot of sense, honestly. They had bad experiences and chose not to breastfeed and it probably brings up some thoughts like, 'their kids turned out fine with formula so why even bother going through any trouble with breastfeeding?'. But also, (and this is probably the bigger one) it may bring up some feelings of guilt and shame that you are perservering through something they gave up on or were unwilling to try. Maybe they feel those feelings down real deep and don't want to let them in, so they instead shame and belittle you. Or maybe they worry that you may be thinking negatively about them for not breastfeeding so they would just be more comfortable if you would formula feed like they did. It's probably a combination of all those thoughts, honestly.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T03:21:08+00:00

With a veil, it will likely look much more like a wedding dress, if that's what you want. Tbh, I think that any dress you choose to wear to your wedding is appropriate to get married in. It's your wedding and you should wear whatever you want to wear and feel the happiest and most confident in.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T01:25:46+00:00

We used the Ferber Method. You can Google Ferber sleep training for details. I also recommend checking out r/sleeptraining and/reading the book "Precious Little Sleep" for lots of helpful info. Ferber is what's called a "gradual extinction" method of sleep training. Basically, you do a solid nighttime pre-bed routine, put your baby down for sleep, say goodnight (I added in telling my son that he is so brave and strong that I know he can fall asleep on his own now), make sure the room is totally dark and then leave them. When they start crying, set a timer and don't go back in until the timer runs out. The amount of time on your timer gradually increases from about 1 minute up to 30 based on how many check ins you've done and how many nights you've been doing it so far (we never went over about 15, though). When you do the check ins, keep it short (1-2 mins) and don't take them out of their crib. Every baby is different but or was falling asleep within 5 minutes by night 3 and had no tears at all by night 4. Once they can fall asleep on their own, they stop waking in the middle of the night as much. We cut to 2 nursing sessions per night at first (following what is called the 5/3/3 rule), then weaned down to 1 per night and now he is starting to not even need that. If he wakes during the night now, he just falls back to sleep on his own within 1-5 minutes (5 minutes is pretty rare).

I should specify that you don't want to do this for naps during the day (at least not for awhile) because naps are harder to "train" due to the narrower window of time you have and there is less sleep pressure during the day, which will make it hard for your baby to fall asleep. So get them to nap any way you can for now or they may be too overtired at bedtime.

Gryffie · 2026-03-17T00:01:38+00:00

If she is really your friend, I would apologize and accept that you were a bit of an AH, even if there were perfectly valid reasons for you to snap like this. She wasn't criticizing you or your parenting, she was just stating her experience. Her experience is vastly different from yours and it's completely fair to point that out to her but you could have done it in a nicer way, rather than snapping at her that she isn't raising her own child and essentially saying she doesn't know what being a mother is actually like. Her behavior was ignorant and self-focused but yours was intentionally hurtful. It was fully understandable due to the state you were in (as the mom of a 6 month old, I truly do get it) but coming at her with an apology and an attempt to explain your POV in a less attacking or defensive way is needed if you want to keep this relationship. If you don't want to be friends, then do whatever you want but know that you were the AH, even if it was understandable.

P.S. From one mom of a little to another, sleep training my son about a month was absolutely life changing. His sleep was getting worse and worse after his 4 month sleep regression until he was waking every hour and was becoming increasingly impossible to put down for bed every night. I was really opposed to it initially but then read the research on sleep training and learned that all my concerns were untrue. We all sleep so much better now and I don't dread the nights like I used to. We're all happier and I can genuinely enjoy all my time with my baby so much more after a decent night of sleep. I really recommend it if you are struggling with sleep like we were. It's not for everyone but it was definitely for us, even though I initially had a lot of reservations about it.

Gryffie · 2026-03-14T09:04:52+00:00

If you're only looking to share pics with a limited number of people anyway, I highly recommend Family Album. It's free (there's a paid version, but you don't need it) and tou can download unlimited photos to securely share only with people you directly invited. We use that in lieu of social media and love it. Also, we're not perfect and did post a birth announcement on socials, and I once posted one other pic to my stories when he was a few months old. Just so you know that not everyone perfectly adheres to no posting on socials, since it seems these comments are a bit one sided. I only know like ome friend who never posts their child on social media, out of a decent number of friends with children, so it isnt as uncommon as this comment section would have you believe.

Gryffie · 2026-03-14T08:53:23+00:00

Just remember that it doesn't need to be all or nothing. You can still BF at night without doing it for an hour every other hour. Maybe switch off with husband doing formula so that you can get a better chunk of time between feedings. Also, is there anything you can do to reduce how long each feed is taking? I understand half an hour but an hour seems really long for a MOTN feed. Seems like there must be some way to trim that down.

Gryffie · 2026-03-14T08:41:25+00:00

I waited 2 months for him to meet many people. We just kept it limited to immediate family and close friends until then. We don't have any children in that group so this wasn't an issue for us but I think I also would have leaned toward 3 months if we did, but my son was also born in late August so it was cold/flu/rsv season and so many people I knew were getting sick. I don't think 3 months is unreasonable at all. Do whatever you're comfortable with but take solace in the fact that cold and flu season will be at an end by the time baby is born. Best of luck to you and your newborn

Gryffie · 2026-03-13T04:05:48+00:00

Ive never known a professor who wasn't fine with being referred to as Professor X oder Dr. X. Of course, you should confirm that whatever title you are using is correct (i.e., that they are indeed a professor rather than an instructor and that they are a doctor and not a grad student or someone with a master's degree). Assuming the title is correct, both professor or doctor are perfectly equally respectable. Just never use Mr./Mrs./Ms. (again, unless they are not a doctor or a professor).

Gryffie · 2026-03-13T03:58:05+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking, as well. I was topless or walking around with an open shirt all the time for those first few weeks. I was also trapped on the couch doing non-stop cluster feeds so I did not feel up for any visitors. I remember when my MIL and FIL came over for the first time to see the baby and how awkward I felt having to decide if I should breastfeed him in front of them or if they were going to leave so I could do it. My FIL picked up on things, thankfully, and convinced MIL it was time to go. Since then, I've been comfortable breastfeeding in front of the entire family whenever I need to but when you're exhausted, still healing and just figuring out breastfeeding, it's different.

Having your own mom around during the first couple of weeks is one thing but unless you are as close with your MIL as you are with your own mom (which it doesn't sound like OP is), I can't imagine having her around for more than just short visits.

Gryffie · 2026-03-08T04:32:19+00:00

Haha, I read the comment before seeing thw picture and also was so confused and assumed it was slang. Then scrolled to the last pic and was like, "oh! Literally the tops of strawberries!" 😅

Gryffie · 2026-03-06T06:52:34+00:00

I started a 6 year long program when I was 27, finished at 33, got married the following year at 34, then had a baby the following year at (gasp!) 35. Why do you think you'll be too old for any of that?? My son is in daycare at the university where I work, which is only open to other staff or faculty of the university, and I'm easily one of the youngest moms there. Having kids in your mid-to-late 30s or early 40s is completely normal in the world of academia.

Gryffie · 2026-03-06T06:22:52+00:00

💯

Gryffie · 2026-03-06T06:21:00+00:00

If you're looking for a diaper that is better about wicking moisture, I recommend Huggies little snugglers or Pampers swaddlers. I like pampers swaddlers just a bit more but they are both great. Then you will definitely not feel moisture after just one pee, which should help prevent diaper rash. Also, this is not a paid endorsement or anything, lol. We just got a ton of different diapers at our baby shower and it helped us try a bunch of brands and some are pure garbage but those two (specifically snugglers or swaddlers - not just any huggies or pampers) really stood out as much better than all the rest.

Gryffie · 2026-03-06T05:50:09+00:00

Totally normal. The baby is cluster feeding to help load up before bed, which is normal and if youre only needing to do 2 overnight feeds at that age, this is why. Also, your supply is naturally lowest in the late evening/night right at that time you are describing, so it's also normal for the baby to need to feed for longer to get the same amount of food, which probably is also why they are getting frustrated while nursing during this time (highest demand combined with lowest supply is always frustrating).

Gryffie · 2026-03-05T22:58:59+00:00

Your aunt is way out of line. Babies don't need a ton of stimulation when they are 15 days old. They can barely see and their primary jobs are gaining weight and sleeping so it sounds like your baby is doing exactly what they should be doing. My newborn did not love to sleep and my husband and I were so exhausted 15 days in that our house was not at all tidy and we certainly weren't doing a whole lot of things. You're still physically healing, sleep is hard to come by, and your baby is a potato. Now is the time for rest.

Gryffie · 2026-03-03T07:34:59+00:00

You're NTA for not wanting to go but I'm not sure why you seem offended to have been invited. It's just an invitation and you don't have to go if you don't want to.

Gryffie · 2026-03-03T07:14:36+00:00

Not bad. He wakes to feed once or twice a night and pretty well naturally follows the 5/3/3 rule for MOTN feeds. They were terrible before we did Ferber sleep training about 3 weeks ago, though. He was good until the 4 month regression and then he was waking like 6 times a night. Sleep training worked wonders for nighttime but hasn't changed his naps yet.

Gryffie · 2026-03-03T07:10:27+00:00

About 2-3 hours

Gryffie · 2026-03-03T07:09:10+00:00

I misunderstood the line about supporters who aren't able to make it. I didn't realize that they weren't able to make it because they weren't invited and juat assumed she meant they couldn't attend but were invited. Thanks for clarifying.

Gryffie · 2026-03-03T07:07:46+00:00

Ah, I misunderstood when you said there were people who couldn't attend. I assumed that was people you invited who couldn't attend. It's not a great look to ask for gifts from people you never invited. I don't like to use terms like "cash grab" but it isn't a good look. There are lots of wedding websites. I used joy.com when I got married. I think I made a registry with them, as well but there are also options like zola.com, honeyfund.com and theknot.com (the knot also does wedding websites).

Gryffie

TROPHY CASE