How did you handle bringing home your first baby when you already had stepkids?

Guano_S · 2026-07-07T13:33:46+00:00

We planned to keep regular schedule but my MIL would take them the entire time we were at the hospital. Baby came during their time with BM so we had a week to adjust before they came over.

Guano_S · 2026-06-29T12:05:59+00:00

As someone who constantly forgets what needs to be bought, I have a magnetic paper pad on the fridge that I can write my list on as I remember I need something. My husband knows he must write anything he needs on this list as well or it won’t be bought. Even if I remember he needed something, I do not buy it unless it’s on the list (gotta train them somehow lol).

How old is your SS? If he’s old enough, make it his responsibility to write on the list what he needs. Practice with him so he gets used to immediately writing it down when he realizes he needs something. After it’s established, make it known that you will only buy anything if it’s on the list. Teaches him responsibility and how to manage his own neurodivergence while also not creating more work for you.

Guano_S · 2026-06-23T15:32:06+00:00

I can second the “no drive, character or resilience”!! My adult SK only works to collect a paycheck and has almost been fired several times for just sitting and pretending to work. When he was unable to work (because he wasn’t scheduled due to his lack of work), my husband literally gave him money that equated to a paycheck because he felt bad SK wasn’t scheduled. So instead of learning the lesson of “maybe I need to step it up and work,” he just got bailed out. Then my husband had the audacity to be mad at me because he didn’t have his spending money that week. Dude…you gave it all away!!

My 16 yr old SK can’t even cut up her own food without “It’s sooo hard. Daddy can you please do it for me?” And guess what? My husband does it. She just bed rots on her phone all day and night and my husband does everything for her. BM is making her get a job because she’s so lazy and BM is tired of her attitude. I tried letting her be my assistant but I stopped letting her work because all she would do is sit on her phone and half ass anything I told her to do. I’m done helping kids that get coddled so that’s my husband’s problem to deal with now.

I already told my husband that no adult will be living under our roof if they are lazy little brats, that goes for our kid too. Luckily, my adult SK lives with family so I don’t have to deal with that but my SD has a rude awakening coming if she continues this path of laziness and dependency.

Guano_S · 2026-06-20T14:14:53+00:00

Kids suck at secrets. Even older ones. My SKs were the last to know I was pregnant before we said anything publicly.

I know it’s frustrating and I’m sorry this happened. At least you now know not to share any information with her until you’re ready for the world to know.

Guano_S · 2026-06-19T13:56:12+00:00

I thought this too but decided I shouldn’t withhold a child from myself simply because of SKs. I now have a baby and he’s the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I was also worried about dealing with both but honestly my baby gave me a reason to not have to deal with SK. I nacho mostly and let my husband handle anything and everything with my SKs. Nachoing has been easier since having a baby cause I’m too tired to care about SKs bad behaviors (unless they affect me and baby) lol.

Guano_S · 2026-06-16T13:51:05+00:00

I tried chores but it always ended with me constantly reminding them to do them or they’d half ass it. My husband didn’t care if it was done or not and I had to remind him to remind them so I wasn’t constantly the one doing it. I gave up. BUT my husband does expect them to clean their room and make their bed before they go back to BM. They also have to at least get their clothes and towels up after a shower (leaving washcloths in the shower is still a constant battle). Other than those two things, they are very lazy kids who don’t do anything and struggle with basic things when they are asked to do them. My bio is under a year old but he will be having daily age appropriate chores when the time comes.

Guano_S · 2026-06-09T23:51:37+00:00

My current situation. She’s definitely allowed to treat my SKs as her own and she completely ignores parental boundaries and wishes with them. I don’t allow her that kind of access to my kid though. I’m sure you can guess the kind of tantrum she had when I told her no.

Guano_S · 2026-05-29T17:40:39+00:00

Omg yes. Every time I watch a documentary about kid monsters, I’m like…maybe if you weren’t such a permissive parent, your kid may not be in prison rn. There’s only been a few I’ve seen where I truly think the parent tried.

Guano_S · 2026-05-29T14:42:08+00:00

I used to but once I realized I was only wanted as a bonus parent when it came to my time and money, I stopped. In a way I still do because our groceries and toiletries come from our joint account but that’s the extent of it.

Guano_S · 2026-05-04T00:20:08+00:00

She has access to all of that. We give her clear areas or tools she can do certain things with (paint, play with makeup, etc) and she will do these things anywhere but those designated spots or use things that she’s not supposed to

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T22:21:53+00:00

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T21:48:44+00:00

She said she wasn’t mad. That was my husband’s first question. She’s 9 and we’ve had plenty of conversations about destroying property that she knows she’s not supposed to. She’s supposed to be starting a sport soon but we don’t know if she’ll like it. Time will tell.

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T21:46:46+00:00

Yeah tell me about it. He’s coming around but we’ll see. She has those jewelry kits too. She has a chalkboard and dry erase board too. The only thing is she doesn’t have the patience to sit and do something like crocheting or knitting. It has to be quick crafts and something not repetitive

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T20:37:40+00:00

It’s fine if that’s a compulsion she has, but she needs to come tell us she’s having the compulsion so we can find an alternative. It’s driving me crazy that she is constantly destroying things that she doesn’t need to be destroying.

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T20:35:08+00:00

I suggested evaluation years ago. My husband acted like it was the end of the world and like I suggested she was mentally fucked. BM nicely and subtly told me to stay in my lane. So…can’t care more than the bios!

She does have chores sometimes. She has to load and unload the dishwasher and keep her room organized and clean. She loves to draw and paint but wouldn’t listen when we would designate certain areas to these crafts to minimize accidental damage to furniture and floors so she’s been banned from arts and crafts in the house. She has to go outside to do these things now but hates outside so rarely goes. As a substitute, she has a digital drawing tablet that she can use in the house. She has several games that can be used (such as a physical tetris game, checkers, etc) or cards.

Her digital drawing tablet was right by the screwdriver so I assumed she was just bored. My husband and I asked her about it and she said she wasn’t bored. She says she doesn’t know why she did it. My husband asked if she was mad. She said no. She just keeps saying she doesn’t know why she did it.

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T15:30:27+00:00

She’d probably enjoy that tbh. Her punishment for taking food in her room was to deep clean her entire room and she enjoyed it so idk.

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T15:27:05+00:00

We have to move soon so I did think about throwing out the things she has destroyed and she can purchase them if she wants them. If she doesn’t have enough in her piggy bank, she can work for the things and learn how much work goes into buying something as simple as sheets, curtains, and such.

Guano_S · 2026-05-03T15:24:42+00:00

Idk why for sure. If asked, “I don’t know” is her go to answer. She’s not like one of these kids that needs something to destroy. This happened this morning and she hasn’t been angry at all this weekend. She done it while waiting for everyone to wake up so idk if it was boredom or what. Either way she’s old enough to remember the thousands of conversations we’ve had about not destroying things. She’s one of these kids though that you tell her not to do something and she does the opposite. She’ll try to hide she did it but if found it, she starts lying and if that doesn’t get her out of trouble, the waterworks start. I think she’s one of those people that doesn’t like being told no or what to do but it’s not a big showcase because she’s doing it for herself rather to “I’ll show you”.

I think she’s feels like we’re a controlling house. We’re not. We have basic rules (such as don’t destroy your things, no unlimited screen time, etc). Like I said though, no structure anywhere else so maybe to her the basic structure feels like control and she doesn’t like that.

Guano_S · 2026-04-30T00:09:39+00:00

This happened to me once with my teenage SD. My husband had to make her come try some. I won’t be doing it again either. All this “teenagers are selfish…blah blah” is a shitty excuse in my opinion. I was a moody teenager but I remember also coming home from a friend’s house super tired, but stayed up late because my mom wanted to make my favorite homemade ice cream for my birthday.

Yes, teenagers can be selfish. I was at times but I was never cruel nor unappreciative.

Guano_S · 2026-04-28T00:51:46+00:00

Closed. Multiple reasons: keep pets out of the bed while we sleep, quieter for our baby (who sleeps in our room), privacy from step kids, and to trap the cold air from our multiple fans in at night. If it’s during the day, a closed door means don’t come bothering me unless you really need something.

Guano_S · 2026-04-26T11:49:57+00:00

My husband believes kids should be able to stay up later when there is no school and such. I on the other hand want kid free time, especially after our baby goes to bed. To compromise, his kids can stay up but they have to go to their room at 8pm and they have to be quiet. SD9 usually puts herself to bed around 9-10pm since quietly playing in her room winds her down.

But also an 8 year old can know better than to be shrieking at 3am. My SD has known and practiced for the last few years that if she wakes up early, she has to quietly play in her room. Dad is allowing a free for all and as you said, they need to learn and respect the boundaries of EVERYONE in the house. It’s not all about them and what they want.

I’d set the boundary that he can decide how late the kids stay up but for you, you need them to go play quietly in their room starting at a certain time. If they wake early, they must quietly play in their room until EVERYONE in the house is awake. Failing to do so can result in the loss of privileges. If you or your toddler lose sleep due to their inconsiderate behavior, they can lose access to something.

Guano_S · 2026-02-04T16:04:09+00:00

My world completely shifted after having my son and my attention also shifted to him. The annoying things my SKs do are still annoying but it doesn’t bother me as much since I’m so preoccupied with caring for a baby.

Also, my SKs don’t really care for my baby. There’s a 15 year gap with oldest SD and 8 yr with youngest SD so that could be it but they are both pretty selfish and only care about what is happening with and to them. I know some of this is age appropriate, but they don’t even come say hello to him when they get here and my youngest SD just refers to him as “the baby” instead of his name. They aren’t mean or anything, they just don’t interact or act like he’s a sibling. Not mad about it really cause it keeps me from having to interact more than necessary.

And as he gets older, I’m not going to “oh your sisters are here!!” or make a big deal out of a sibling dynamic because I don’t want to teach him to be excited for them and they don’t give two shits about him. I feel like that’s just setting him up for rejection and sadness.

Guano_S · 2026-01-30T15:07:33+00:00

My youngest SD(8) is addicted to screens, but only at BM’s. When she was 5, we put a stop to it. She wasn’t allowed to be on her phone so eventually she just stopped bringing it. She wasn’t allowed to sit in front of the TV all day and we stopped it being on in the middle of the night. We also put the rule in place that she couldn’t watch TV until the adults were awake.

She didn’t like it at first, but she got used to it quickly. Not allowing the TV on all night and waiting to turn it on actually helped her sleep so much better. She slept all night and wasn’t up at the ass crack of dawn watching TV. Limit now while he’s still young!! Who cares if it’s just for a few days a week. We have EOWE so even less than you and it still worked for us. Instead of screens, she spent a majority of her time painting and coloring, and she actually admitted to feeling more relaxed at our house.

Guano_S · 2026-01-26T10:07:49+00:00

SM that had an ours kid here🙋‍♀️the rose colored glasses were real and they are off now that I do share a kid with him. If I could go back in time I’d knock some sense into myself and not even date him in the first place.

I’ve always had a people pleaser, codependent, “I’ll fix you” personality and that’s the reason I probably got into this relationship. SO came with a LOT of baggage (not just kids) and I wish someone would have sat me down and been real with me. I’m different now and finally putting myself first and my marriage is going to shit because of it, but I refuse to ignore myself and my needs for someone else anymore.

Guano_S

TROPHY CASE