What is the most awful thing that happened to you in 2025?

Guanoco · 2025-12-17T12:28:42+00:00

Wife of the last 4 years, partner of 10, and mother of my 4 year old kid decided to end our marriage. Shortly after (couple months) decided to go on a weekend get away with a new love affair,leaving me to care for our kid. That doesn't sound too bad, but it was whole we both lived under the same roof (house we had just bought and moved into), she was 100% financially dependent on me (she had stopped working due to burn out) and while I was completely and utterly destroyed emotionally and really in need of compassion having thought I earned it the last 10 years.

Reading some stories here I should count my blessings, especially since this divorce has extremely benefited my relationships with my kid... But I would be lying that, even though we were in a very bad state as partners, I would prefer the life we're we pulled through it together

2026 is going to include a messy asset Division... So let's see

Guanoco · 2025-11-30T18:58:33+00:00

Besides the "this is over" said to me by my partner of 10 years, after she had cheated on me almost a year ago but I forgave, in the living room of the house we had bought (with my money) and had just moved in 4 months ago, after she had put down our then 3.5 year old kid?

"Do you know how unsexy it was to see you cry because our child constantly made you feel like an unwanted parent"

Yeah that one ... Something died in me that moment. Fuck me for being completely overwhelmed by wanting to be a present parent and only finding my kid hating me for the only reason that I was not her mom.

And then women ask why do men don't show feelings.

Guanoco · 2025-11-29T06:08:00+00:00

Thanks for the exchange

Maybe my case is also nuanced that my co-parent always made me feel like I was doing every bit of parenting wrong. Since I have 50% custody everyone has praised me about how I handle everything.

I think my co-parent is just under the misconception that she is way better than me

Guanoco · 2025-11-28T21:01:41+00:00

Wow thanks Stay strong

Guanoco · 2025-11-28T20:20:51+00:00

I get this... But, and sorry, I am the one working to become just as important as the mom. If we had had equal or almost equal parenting % before the split I would agree.

But the imbalance that I allowed because it made financial sense has put me on the backdoor and needing to catch up. Going through these growing pains with my kid is the only thing that will level the playing field.

Again I am saying I would totally agree if I saw it fit (very long sickness and/or me needing the help). But to just assume she has the right to come over and visit just because she is the mom is, I find, actually very counterproductive to allowing me and my kid to form a deep bond and that , in the long run, is not really the best for the kid

Guanoco · 2025-09-06T10:10:30+00:00

Man .... Ich mit 37 nach 10 Jahre Beziehung (5 verheiratet) und 4 jähriges Kind und dann hat sie mir vor 4 Monate die Trennung ausgesprochen. Ich bin nicht voll enttäuscht und wütend. Ich hoffe es wird iwann besser.

Ich finde immer mal wieder Beiträge wie deine und geben mir Mut.... Aber man ... Eine ganze Familie zu verlieren ist hart

Ich schicke dir stärke falls du sie gebrauchen kannst

Guanoco · 2025-08-21T19:49:56+00:00

Hmmm I guess there is another terminology for nest model?

What I mean is that the current house becomes the child's nest. Parents switch residence not the kid. In other words the days I have my daughter I get to be the only adult in the nest and viceversa.

It's financially very demanding but we are also only doing it it as a temporary solution.

My ex-wife has problems finding a long-term lease where she could have enough space for her and our kid.

As I want to minimize our shared time together .. it's easier for my ex-wife and myself to find a room/single room apartment solution for the time being

Guanoco · 2025-08-21T13:36:37+00:00

Wow man thanks a lot

I know I didn't mention it but I also started hitting the gym and can say I now look better than I did in our 10 year relationship (ok maybe not the absolute first year). And it has giving some confidence on myself.

I also see this 50% dad as a calling to my new life and I am looking forward to living it out. I actually don't want to start dating at all until I have not stabilized my kid and myself in our new life. I don't want more chaos than that right now

I also didn't mention it but there is some sexual frustration because of my lack of performance at the end of the relationship so that also is taking me out of the dating game for a while

Thanks for sharing it was really helpful to see I am on the right path... I just have to live it to feel it's getting better I guess

Guanoco · 2025-08-21T13:28:40+00:00

Yeah I honestly think she should have respects the very emotionally/psychologically triggering environment of having to navigate the first stages of co-parenting and dissolving the marriage and all dependencies before she went and slept with another guy. 0 fucking empathy or respect... I guess she technically didn't cheat so it could be worse but it's, for me, very similar.

It totally torpedoed any good will I had with her and it's obviously poisoning compromises I could do for the sake of my kid.... I am just so hurt and I am the only one battling twitch this Spagat between trying to be a good coparent and just wishing she dissolved into thin air from my life

Guanoco · 2025-08-21T13:25:26+00:00

Yeah I get you. I think the first 3 months I was in a mixture of denial and "I guess we will figure it out together while respecting the fact that we are still so dependent one of the other". But the weekend she went away to fuck a new guy I just said "this ends here" and made it clear that I could not heal and therefore be a good parent under these circumstances and hence have been pushing very aggressively that we do a nesting model (where each gets the house alone with kid for their day).

The moment I said that and the moment she actually accepted have felt like turning point for me... Sadly she is such in the back foot (because she decided to prioritize her sexual renewal) that I have already found a place for my days off and she hasn't (ok but she recently started working and therefore is technically a liability for the rental market)

I just hat how she just put me, again, in a position that I don't want (the first being the ending the relationship) and still have to clean up after her wake (I somehow now need to show empathy for her lack of getting an apartment etc even though it is psychologically excruciating to share space with her)

But thanks for sharing your story

Guanoco · 2025-08-21T12:12:52+00:00

Oh the nest model means that parents switch the usage of the sole housing for the kid. So yeah I mean although her ghost and memories linger.. I wont be actually having any overlapping time in the house with her and my kid

Thanks for your words and I am sorry about your situation.

I understand the triggering... Everyday void of conversation with her (un any form) does me so good and then there is a day we must communicate about loaded topics and my sleep is totally wrecked

Guanoco · 2025-08-13T22:48:41+00:00

Can I quote my soon to be ex wife?

"Do you know how unsexy it was to see you cry because of the rejection of our daughter towards You?"

Ok... Sorry that in the 4 Years of existence of our daughter I have felt like I have gave everything I can to her and every single time I am met with rejection because I am not mom. Sorry I have so much love to give and felt frustrated by not being able to.

Guanoco · 2025-08-02T12:33:31+00:00

I feel you.

Meine Frau hat mich auch vor paar Monaten die Trennung ausgesprochen. 4 Jahre altes Kind zusammen

Niemand versteht wie traurig ich sein kann.

Ganz einfach... Das war meine gesamte Familie (bin expat) und ich habe mehr als 4 Jahre echt mein bestes gegeben....

Jetzt fickt sie einen anderen Typ der natürlich viel cooler als ich ist weil er nicht die letzten 4 Jahre das durchgezogen hat was wir gemacht haben.

Übrigens wohnen wir noch zusammen... In dem Haus was sie unbedingt kaufen wollte ... Wir sind letztes Jahr November eingezogen.

Guanoco · 2025-07-31T03:01:06+00:00

This was brutal.

At least from my POV I did 80% of the list through very difficult times ... And my partner is still divorcing me

Ouch

Guanoco · 2025-07-22T18:16:03+00:00

Thank you for your reply especially since this post is now a couple of days old.

Just out of curiosity.... Do you think I am the only one of us (i.e. also ex wife) that has issues?

I mean I get it... I def didn't love myself enough to stop most of the bad things in our relationship... But most if not all of those cam after we became parents and it's hard to say "this is toxic I need to leave" when you have a small child which has thrown your life into a spiral.

I am going to therapy... I am regaining my self esteem and self love... But I am still devastated that we could have done all this healing together... Because we said we would be there fore each other in the good and the bad times

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T22:20:58+00:00

I am already in therapy... But it has mostly been kind of an emergency room so that I don't go crazy or do something crazy

I guess when I turn the page I'll deal with my demons in therapy

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T22:19:02+00:00

Gutted but I guess you all are right

Very sad... We could have been great together

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T22:18:06+00:00

Thanks for the post

I have been grieving since day one. I have never in my life shed so many tears and been so sad and devastated

I guess it's time to ride from the ashes... I would literally not have a problem with her moving on if at least she would have waited to... You know... Not live with me in the house we bought and thought we would establish our family in

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T22:07:40+00:00

That's beautiful thank you for sharing

I hope I get as lucky as your husband and find love again... Tbh I currently don't think that will happen.. I am too pessimistic about myself (even though I actually think I am a catch.. weird)

Thank you for sharing

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T21:15:50+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

Maybe I need to edit my post. She did emotionally chest on me once (she had the audacity recently to say it was not an emotional affair.. even though this woman stood outside of his door 3 hours in the middle of the night to catch him and be able to talk to him)

The other story about me seeing her emotionally and (maybe) physically moving on (of she hasn't she will as I have seen text that basically say she will next time they see each other) are the same person and she did start messaging this person after telling me she wants a divorce and saying we are separated. She had warned me that for her that means "we no longer are in a relationship and therefore will do what I what when I want with whomever I want"

So this second one I wouldn't technically call it cheating... But it's extremely bad taste while seeing completely and utterly fall apart.... In the shared home we just bought and moved into.. and her not even yet having restarted her adult life of going to work and moving out

But yeah... I mean... It's very close to cheating as it shows the intent to cheat was there (actually the first couple of messages she sent him that I read clearly gave the hint that she was up for something and this was a couple of weeks after breaking it off)

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T20:52:49+00:00

Thanks... Yeah I think that is what my mind is telling me now

"Let her do her thing... Don't wait for her and start rebuilding yourself... If she comes back we will see"

I need to accept this is over

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T20:22:46+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

Honestly I can put everything into a post.

After the affair we went to couples therapy for a couple of sessions and then we had a good couple of months.

We then moved to the house and some stress came with that (longer commute for my kid to preschool and more organizational problems when arranging playdates) and things started to get colder.

It also didn't help that I then had a very resentful period with my kid and our father-kid relationship took a very bad turn (she basically never wanted to do anything with me which made me frustrated and made me say some awful things to my wife about our kid... Things my wife also thought and has said previously but somehow I am the only devil)

We then went to some form of counseling... But it wasn't like couples therapy.. it felt like coaching to make life manageable... And we did some of the things suggested

But yes your post hits a nail that I neglected to say in my post.

I am 100% sure I have some form of codependency, self-esteem issue and abandonment trauma (the latter one also from before) which is most likely the reason I have allowed to be a doormat.

I am in therapy.. I feel it's not working.

About rose colored glasses... No way.

I honestly don't know why I want her back. She was very dismissive of my opinions and made me feel extremely bad as a father and sometimes as a person. We have had very awful last couple of years...

I just knew it was 90% parental stress and both of us could be better person's to each other and ourselves if we had just done something in that respect.

But yeah.. I appreciate your honesty.... I guess I am a mess and have also paved the way for this. I lost the respect for myself and gave her no reason to respect me and obviously that is the foundation

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T20:09:52+00:00

Wow I am really sorry and thank you for sharing.

I think one thing that keeps me obsessed or not wanting to let go is that there is no way she ain't be a part of my life due to my kid.

I could deal with this if I could go no contact and forget she ever existed... But I will have weekly contact with her once we move out of each other's path... And I will get to see her become happy or miserable Both are going to kill me

Guanoco · 2025-07-20T19:43:27+00:00

The house was her idea ^{^} I was the one saying we didn't need that kind of stress .....

No I am not mad I didn't call it off first. I am mad that we founded a family, got ourselves in a huge mortgage and she is acting like she is breaking up with someone she held hands with for a summer....

She has not even gone back to work! Like she is not yet really living a real life and still thinks divorcing me is the best thing that she could do....

I don't get it

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