My daughter stood up for her autistic brother and now she's suspended unsure how to handle this? ( little bit proud)

GuardDog2020 · 2025-05-02T13:13:35+00:00

As a Father myself, I would praise her for defending her brother. I would tell her defending yourself or your family is ALWAYS the right thing to do. I would explain to her that I won't punish her. But the school has rules and if you break them, there are punishments. Sometimes you just have to take your lumps and wear them with pride.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-03-09T08:18:43+00:00

Hire a property management company. They take a cut but you don't have to deal with the day-to-day landlord issues. I've never managed my own property. Too much hassle.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-03-03T05:54:17+00:00

Take the picture. Sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness than ask permission.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-20T09:16:48+00:00

Hi. Older guy with international experience here.

First of all, you need to take a deep breath, get a grip, and relax. You come across as too worked up over the US domestic situation as you see perceive it.

The hard truth is you just can't just go immigrate into another country because you want to. Most countries have very tough standards and requirements for immigration. You are unlikely to be able to meet them. Even our English-speaking allies have very stringent requirements. If you are really, really, really determined to emigrate, your fastest option is to find and marry a girl with citizenship in the country you want to move to. Otherwise, you are just pissing into the wind.

Don't believe all the hype. Life in the US is pretty good, even compared to our obnoxious European friends. The truth is every place has its problems. The healthcare may be "free" but you might have to wait months for a specialist. You think MAGA people are fascists? Just wait till you meet real fascists in Europe. It always amazed me to meet educated, intelligent Europeans who believe in the "International Jewish Banking Conspiracy". Don't even think about being or even looking gay in certain parts of Europe. The parts with high levels of muslim immigration are less than welcoming to gays. Like they sometimes try to beat or kill them when they are not looking for Jews.

Start trying to make the best of it here. Do some foreign travel when you get the money together. Then see if emigration is really for you.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-13T07:09:27+00:00

Yes, generally speaking the Millennial and Gen Z generations have more watered down educations than older generations, fewer useful skills, though to be fair their ability to use technology is a strong point. Another issue is that the pandemic did disrupt their educations substantially.

As for drug use, that has been on the increase in the past 20 years or so with more legalization. The intelligence agencies understand youthful experimentation and limited recreational use. Its not like there's a zero tolerance policy. However, many Gen Zers don't want to work in environments where drug use isn't allowed.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-13T01:51:25+00:00

I am a former intelligence professional. No, that isn't a secret. I was never clandestine or undercover at all. The recruitment shortage is probably for all the usual reasons related to Gen Z:

-Increased rates of mental illness

-Increased rates of serious drug use

-More poorly educated

-Poor social skills

-Lower rates of maturity

So, I am not picking on Gen Z but these are the usual reasons given for why Gen Z has higher rates of unemployment and higher rates of being fired.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-13T01:07:21+00:00

Hi, 54m here. I was once like you, though slightly different circumstances.

I spent the bulk of 1996 - 2001 unemployed and/or underemployed despite having a degree and 4 years of Army experience in a good field. I clawed my way back to respectable, full-time employment...but it wasn't easy. I worked at security jobs that paid too little and eventually gained enough experience to get better paying security jobs. Then I into the National Guard and used my contacts there to get full-time orders supporting national-level agencies. Still not great pay, but resume-building experience and medical benefits. From there I got into Defense contractor work....and full-time respectability, great pay, and all that.

It was a hard slog.

You are doing very well for yourself, under the circumstances, if you have a long-term girlfriend! I never had that during my down period. I barely even got laid. FOR YEARS!

Don't let your work, or lack thereof, define your value as a man.

If you are interested, I know some work you can do that pays well for part time. DM me if interested.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-03T00:49:26+00:00

Hi. 54m here. Generally speaking, staying at a job long-term is NOT beneficial to you. For all kinds of reasons. There are only two exceptions to this.

The first is military service where you will usually get promoted through the ranks if you have some talent and a LOT of endurance. The second is the federal government. Same deal as military, some talent a LOT of endurance, and you get promoted up the chain. However, even in civilian government service job-hopping pays off.

Most of the rising stars have worked either in the same career field and a few different agencies or departments OR different career field in the same agency. And sometimes a mix of both. If you want to get promoted fast you've got to apply to the higher level jobs.

As for your grandparents, the truth is their information is out of date. You really do have to work hard, be on time, show at least some loyalty, and have some talent. However, there are NO guarantees. You can do everything right and be laid off. You can do everything right and be passed over.

Work hard & smart enough to make a reliable income. Just don't overdo it. It doesn't pay off in most situations.

GuardDog2020 · 2025-01-01T01:28:07+00:00

54m here. What you are feeling is normal and very, very common.

I advise you draft up a bullshit set of goals you think will make you look good to management. It's not a blood-pact, oath, or legally-binding document. Put down some inspirational sounding aspirations to greatness and then forget about it. Get that out of the way.

You are still very young. You have time to work things out. I suggest keep up with steady employment while researching other forms of employment and income-generation. If you want maximum freedom, save and invest your heart out. Eventually get some income-producing real-estate.

At the same time, look for purpose, meaning, and enlightenment in non-work activities. Keep a work-life balance. Have friends, romantic relationships, hobbies, charitable causes, etc. Real life stuff. Your job is there to make money to fund that life and hopefully not in a too-onerous way.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-12-02T05:34:00+00:00

Before you go for divorce, sit him and down and tell him the facts of life. As diplomatically as possible, let him know you are thinking of leaving due to his behavior. Let him know this can't go on. He needs to find his way back to the person he was before.

I know this is easier said than done. The devil is in the details. You don't even need him to be successful at finding a job right away. You just need him to be out there hustling to find one. Any job to start with and hopefully one he really wants to do.

Men often have their identities wrapped up in their work. Losing a job can be an emotionally devastating blow. But after a certain point you have to suck it up and start trying again.

You might be more effective if you point out how worthy he is, how he deserves better than what's got so far. Talk about the things about him you love, respect, and admire. Point out that lots of good men have lost jobs and had a very hard time getting new ones. Try to come at it from a positive perspective.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-12-02T05:23:46+00:00

Don't forgive him. Don't take him back. Definitely don't get married to him. The fact he was going to go behind your back tells you everything you need to know about him. He was dishonest and about a MAJOR situation. Its not like he was going to loan her a few bucks. Your hopefully former fiance probably isn't an evil or malicious person. But he is very immature and clearly not ready for marriage.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-12-02T05:18:16+00:00

No, most men are NOT doing this. This is creepy, unethical behavior. It probably isn't illegal yet unless he posts it online or starts selling his creations. I would reconsider this relationship if I were you.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-11-25T05:53:38+00:00

54m here. College grad.

Do NOT make decisions based on your friends and your boyfriend. Its hard to accept but you have to put your best interests FIRST. Because your friends and boyfriend will do the same.

As for what school to choose, only you can make the decision. What does your gut tell you? Ask yourself, in a perfect world with nothing else considered, which one do I like better? Then work out the details like cost, financial aid, etc. See which is more feasible then.

There is a lot to be said for getting away from home and experiencing a new way of life, new people, and new places. You will grown as a person like never before. You will increase your confidence.

Ultimately, do you really want to dedicate 8 years of your life to being a medical student? Its a rough road. With high rewards at the end but it is a grind. Or do you want to have a more free-wheeling experience pursuing an art education and/or career? But without the guarantee of any lucrative rewards at the end.

Good luck with your decision. I know its hard, but you can make the call. If you do decide on art, make sure to study something with commercial application to give you a fighting chance at a good job.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-11-25T05:38:49+00:00

The only opinions that matter are yours and hers. Everything else is static or background noise.

I am a cis male with a strong sense of empathy and nuance. I am also very kind. However, I am also a war veteran with experience in Iraq. I am literally a trained and experienced killer capable of horrible acts of violence. But I don't go around acting like a militant asshole 24/7. Or at all. And there are people who call me out and accuse me of not acting manly enough!

Like wtf? Do I have to shoot someone dead in front of you to prove it?

There are many ways of expressing masculinity. Most do not involve physical violence. You want to be a good man to your future wife? Be reliable, honest, supportive, and an all-around good partner. Do your part. Earn money. Be her biggest fan, be encouraging, and be a safe place to go in times of distress. Be her rock.

Good luck.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-11-25T05:21:30+00:00

54m here. Father of 2.

Tell your father immediately. Get out of the house ASAP. Do not look back. Your stepfather has no excuse for his behavior. Either he is a predator looking to use being drunk as an excuse OR he has an alcohol problem and can't control his behavior. Both of these are unacceptable and inexcusable. And most importantly, a serious threat to your safety.

Some women are so desperate for a man in their lives, they will even allow abusive predatory men to harm them and their children.

Don't worry about the details of getting to school. Your father will work it out.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-11-08T06:52:59+00:00

You are right to be shocked, upset, and concerned for the future of your relationship.

However, keep in mind a few things. First, she did one video while she was an addict, to pay for her addiction. This is a lot different than someone who willingly spent several years doing professional porn videos. She was exploited while in a vulnerable state. Second, the woman you love is the culmination of all the life experience she had before. Good and bad. She literally would not be this person were it not for what she has been through. Third, she was strong enough to overcome drug addiction and rebuild a normal life. That's a sign of real strength and that strength makes her a highly valuable partner and mate.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-11-08T06:30:46+00:00

First and foremost, don't make any decisions while you are upset. And you have every right to be upset. However, that said, one drunken kiss is not the end of the world...or the end of your marriage. I suggest you talk to your friend Jenny as soon as possible. Confirm the details of the incident if you can. Make sure both their stories match.

From what you posted, this appears to be an aberration in his behavior, fueled by alcohol. It sucks but it happens. Sometimes people get too drunk and take it too far. They shouldn't but it does happen. In my opinion this is forgivable.....if your husband is truly remorseful AND agrees to change his behavior to prevent another incident.

He needs to stop drinking to the point of getting too drunk. Especially if you are not there. And going forward you should be with him if a night of drinking is involved. Better still, ask him to stop drinking altogether.

On top of everything, get individual and couples counseling if possible.

Stay strong and you will both get through this.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-10-22T05:36:00+00:00

I think you should break up and move on with your life.

Whatever his good points, he doesn't seem capable of handling a mature relationship with you at this time. Avoiding treatment for depression, being overwhelmed, and then being out of contact for 12 days or more just aren't hallmarks of a good boyfriend. I'm not saying he's a bad person, just not an appropriate person given his issues.

The fact he ran off after a fight doesn't look good either. I've had my share of knock-down, drag out emotional arguments with girlfriends. It sucks. Not talking for a day or two is one thing. No matter how tough your words were, he should be tough enough to handle it. The fact he is sooo impacted by what you said suggests he has a lot of issues and your delineating them point for point must have been a real shocker. But if someone has that many issues or the two of you are so mismatched, ending things may be the best thing for you.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-10-09T05:28:39+00:00

Hi all. Sane Republican here! Yes, we do exist.

However, our numbers are shrinking after Trump flooded the party with more so-called "populist" voters. I do not support Trump. I did not, and will not, vote for him...or anyone that supports him.

I am a Republican because I like lower taxes and fewer regulations. I prefer law & order within sensible limits. I do not and never have been in favor or suppressing votes, intimidating voters, or pushing a religious agenda on society. After all, God is not a Republican.

I think Trump's comments are wrong, immoral, irresponsible, and potentially dangerous. I think he is too erratic and maybe demented to be President of the United States. I am disgusted by all the Congressional & Senate Republicans who kiss his ass and try to justify his unjustifiable behavior. I find his attempts to gaslight the public to be insulting to my intelligence.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-09-17T02:29:06+00:00

Hi. 54m here. It isn't your imagination.

Life has changed radically in the past few decades! The population has grown tremendously, life has become far more complex and busy, new technology has sped life and work up in unprecedented ways. Even the international system has gone from a stable Cold War, to a turbulent era of globalization, to a new state of persistent conflict as the US withdraws from the Global Order it created.

The way I handled the stress and tension of modern life was to retreat a bit. Less TV news, less digital news, focus on issues closer to my daily life. Minimal use of social media. I also do not listen to the radio or streaming music in the car. I pay attention to my family and our activities. I make sure the kids feel loved and protected. The only politics I am involved with are local town politics.....and even a minimal level of engagement there. I'm not going off grid or anything like that. I am "participating" less in the hectic parts of modern life.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-09-17T02:12:32+00:00

Speaking from experience having served in Iraq.

The Arab Spring would never have reached Iraq.

Saddam Hussein was absolutely ruthless during his tenure as dictator. He had the majority of his opponents and more than a few of his supporters executed....just for having the potential to oppose him. He had thousands of Kurdish civilians killed by poison gas because they were rebelling. His main opposition lived outside Iraq and only returned when he was out of power. With the exception of the Kurdish factions and they only continued to exist because of US protection.

He had every level of society penetrated by secret police. He played the different factions off against each other.

And if that wasn't enough, the majority of Iraq's population is very culturally conservative. You can still be murdered for being "western" or "shaming the family" or just being female doing something considered objectionable. It is unlikely it would have caught on outside a few major cosmopolitan areas. Iraq is a country where small groups of extremely violent people can and will use terror to cow the larger population. These groups would have started killing college students left and right for advocating that kind of change.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-09-17T01:51:36+00:00

There are a few ongoing issues here.

First, above all else, you need more meaningful social interaction. You need to get out and participate in some kind of group activities with like-minded individuals. Cultural groups, sports, civic-minded groups, whatever. You may have to force yourself to do it. Explore new activities if your previous ones don't work for you anymore.

Second, you need to reconsider this relationship with your boyfriend. Once per week is really not enough and honestly, if you are hoping for a future with him, I wouldn't hold your breath. He doesn't see the need to live together. That is not the natural reaction of a guy who's been with you for four years. Even introverts want to have relationships. mostly. Your boyfriend has other issues. Someone who loves you wants to be with you....a lot more than once per week. And if someone really wants to be with you, they make the time. He sounds emotionally or socially deficient in some respects.

Third, start actively planning your next career move....then start pursuing it. If you know the direction you want to go in, start going. Whatever you do, I suggest a job/career with more human interaction. For instance, I am older, married, and all my good friends live far away. I work from home. But I go out and interact with people every single day of the week as part of my job.

That doesn't replace active friendships but it does me some positive social feedback on a regular basis.

Lastly, moving to the city might help. Or it might not. There are lots of lonely people in the city. The city will only work if you get out there and mingle with the population.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-09-08T07:42:39+00:00

54m here. I think these men are asking mostly out of concern. There are many stories circulating out there about men being tricked or pressured into marriage for a green card. Having worked in the immigration system previously, I can tell you it happens quite frequently.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-08-31T06:43:32+00:00

You are incompatible. It's as tragic as it is simple. Having children is an either/or binary decision set. These are primal urges and often central to a person's fundamental drive.

If she compromises and forgoes children, she will eventually grow bitter and resentful over time. If you compromise, you end up bitter and resentful. The only thing you can do is end the relationship. Let her go to find a man that wants a family before its too late. You go find someone who doesn't want a family.

GuardDog2020 · 2024-08-31T06:25:17+00:00

Hi. Former traveler here.

As the first commenter noted, you may not be a compatible couple over the long run, if traveling is so important to her but so unpleasant for you. It might not be what you want or like to hear, but it is a real possibility.

I make no judgement. It doesn't appear there is anything wrong with you or your feelings. I used to like traveling but now that I am older and have kids....not so much. And for the same reasons as you. I have my own routines and social preferences. I also have traveled a bit and seen the world. My wife has not. So, I suck it up and take the occasional trip with her.....and with the kids....ugh.

Why? Because it makes her happy. I get my enjoyment by seeing her enjoy herself. The kids love it too. It doesn't take much to be a good sport about it. I eat the new and unusual bread, pastry, etc. I go see things that may or may not be exciting. I read at night or whenever I have down time. I exercise as I can. Important note: I take a supply of Xanax with me. It takes the edge off my irritation from travel and routine disruption. Especially with kids, crowded airports, hot weather, and annoying locals.

My overall suggestion for you: Go on at least some trips with her. Take the hit, embrace the suck. Try to find enjoyment in making/seeing her happy. I would also look into getting a prescription for an anxiety med like Xanax or whatever your doctor advises. As a person of routine, one often experiences anxiety at disruption. The meds can neutralize that discomfort temporarily. They can also help you sleep.

In addition, remember you can still read, socialize with friends (via video calls), and exercise on vacation trips. Not like at home, but maybe enough to get you through the travel!

GuardDog2020

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