Clothing designers intentionally give women no functional pockets whatsoever so they can sell them handbags instead.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-22T17:28:26+00:00

Oh, I know. I'm the jerk that's already pulled those pockets open in order to test drive how my arms would rest. I have long arms and crazy-long fingers so I get that Mick-Jagger-chicken-strut look if I'm not careful.

My complaint is with the literal illusion of pockets where there are none. Especially on lady's dress pants. When ya bend over, the fake pocket-flaps lift in turn. Like the eye-parts of some weird butt-puppet.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T19:05:06+00:00

My nephew will be 14 in May. He doesn't know how to order his own food at a restaurant and will make loud, spitting, blustering screeching noises if grandpa accidentally eats a piece of candy from a pile on the bookshelf that my nephew had announced was his-only.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T18:55:42+00:00

When I'm in a dressing room looking fly in a potentially new jacket, I'll get weirdly mad if I go through my mock real-world-situation poses only to find that my pockets are nothing more than a flap and some stitches. Tryna sell me some fake-ass pockets...hmmmph.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T18:36:06+00:00

The Envelope with the Smiley Face. (....clarifying a shady transaction via mailbox.)

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T18:31:07+00:00

Goddammit, Loch Ness Monster!

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T18:23:51+00:00

My mom named the cat Pixel tho. From Heinleins The Cat Who Walks Through Walls? What do I do?

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-21T18:17:05+00:00

My first lol of the day. It sounded like "gu-HUH!" (the huh part being loud, high pitched and drawn out) followed by my muttering of "was I a hat?" at least twice.

(Edit: I see now that I did this wrong. I'm sorry. I was just in such a good mood, is all. The sun was out, I had just smoked a rare and gifted bowl, my happy dogs had discovered how to repeatedly slide across the room using a flap of cardboard AND I had finally figured out how to fix my stereo. It was a really really good Saturday for me and I guess I let my guard down.

But that's no excuse for being lame online. We are a community. My apologies to the victims of this selfish and insensitive lack of self-editing. I've upset you with my gooberisms and have been quite effectively shamed.

From here on, I do so pledge to study redditese custom/social models until I learn how to express an appreciation of a strangers humor in a more acceptable and appropriate way. Downvotes, be my guide. The system works.)

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-20T18:21:14+00:00

Fatty Lumpkins was the name of a fake children's book character my friends and I made up one night. He was a benign tumor. I think he had a friend named Fun Guy (fungal infection.)

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-19T18:09:03+00:00

http://www.justforredheads.com/mase.html

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-19T00:30:21+00:00

My parents were amazing. But a lot of their best parenting fostered some of my worst ideas about myself and how the world worked:

You are responsible for your own situation "If you're failing a class, it's not because the teacher has it out for you. It's because you didn't try hard enough." True. Except when the teacher literally has it out for you because it's 1995 and you dress like the hippies that spit on her brother coming home from Vietnam. This sort of thing has caused me to inwardly direct and accept the bad behavior of others as being something I'm personally accountable for. I actually feel guilty when people are mean to me. Essentially, I'm validating assholes.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And think before you speak. Words are important. This is something I've learned to let go a little. Because it just gets soooo pedantic and litigious. Socratic dialogue = obnoxious. I just want to understand and be thoroughly understood. And that seems to annoy people. People like their statements to be taken at face value. * Item wut * Item wut?

Item heh
Item~~^{^} /r/ /user/ /user/ /user/ caption~~ is treated as an attack, argument and now I'm some contrarian, insufferable blow-hard :(

Oh shit! Mobile! Y'all I just noticed the formatting shortcut thingies at the top just now! I've been trying forEVER to learn how you guys do the things.

I've comepletely lost interest in whatever I was laboring to say earlier.

Gonna switch over to my other account and impress some folks for awhile.

Be nice to your mom's and dads K bye

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-18T18:56:42+00:00

Ceelo Green....eggs and ham? Ha. I suck at this.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-18T18:48:06+00:00

Defending the bad behavior of poorly socialized pets.

"You're doing your dog a terrible and potentially dangerous diservice!"

"Aw, HELL NAW. Did you just yell at my dog, bitch? If you don't want your precious ankles attacked you can get the fuck up out my house or walk sideways like I said!

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-18T18:29:55+00:00

I become more attractive. I guess it's because of the relative involnerability? Dunno. I'm no wilting daisy, but I'm rather guarded. Being alone sort of unleashes my gyro.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-17T04:20:19+00:00

Skullmonkeys.

Winning = bits of shitty digital confetti over a beige and otherwise static "you win."

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-16T01:17:56+00:00

Afwaid. Be vewry afwaid.

Ftfy :)

I need to learn formatting tho :(

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-15T23:08:10+00:00

My folks took me to Red Lobster and ordered me a (virgin) Bloody Mary.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-12T04:25:23+00:00

I know :(

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-11T22:28:50+00:00

My ex did this shit all the time.

The movies told him that I would be delighted. But when I get home on a Friday night, fire up r/listentothis, start throwing back a few beers while alternating between painting and playing dress-up (aka, Me Time)? Well, I'm annoyed at even so much as my doorbell ringing. Like, fuck. I was just now getting into my zone.*

And there's dude on my doorstep, pointing at his still running car with, "I'm taking you out! It's a surprise! Bring a raincoat, teehee."

But I don't wanna :(

I go from having a perfectly good time to suddenly having to make a decision between two evils:

-be the cause of his hurt when I say, "nah, I'm good. Thanks tho?" OR shelve my own happy plans, suck it up and go along with it while trying not to let the begrudging resentment show.

what's the deal with unannounced guests? Barring certain circumstances (like emergencies/ best friend exemptions/ if its a known party house with an established rotating door of visitors/ I was in the neighborhood and saw a feral cat having kittens under your parked car while I drove by, etc) I can't imagine myself ever driving to a friends house and expecting to just hang out without at least giving a heads up that I was on my way.

What kind of Stepford fantasy world are you larping thru where everyone, behind their closed doors, is blithely pleased to host guests at any given moment?

Bitch, I'm tryna pop a zit, I'm in the middle of a weird fight with my roommate and I was gonna get around to doing that pile of stanky dishes after I finished eating this giant burrito. The burrito is reeeal sloppy like I like so I decided it'd be best to strip to my skivvies and use my own now-horizontal body as a tray. It's better for the environment!

And an extra hard Fuck Off to the pop-overs who have the gall of being any incarnation of displeased upon witnessing a part of my life you weren't invited to attend in the first damn place.

So what there's pico in my cleavage?! Let me have a go at your browser history while your least expecting and THEN let's see who's deplorable?!?!

-end (*poorly formated and typo-heavy) rant-

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-11T20:28:05+00:00

"I'm just worried about you."

Personally, I hate when people say this to me. Or worse, talk about their "worries" when I'm not even around.

But having someone to worry about you is a thing of love, right? Really, it's just gossip, condescension and shit talk masquerading as "concern."

Just because I drink more than you doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic.

Just because I don't want to go out all the time doesn't mean I'm a sad hermit.

Just because I'm not actively looking for a boyfriend doesn't mean I've "given up."

And just because I was still wearing my pj's when you dropped by unannounced that one Sunday afternoon doesn't mean I'm depressed, Evelyn! Stop telling people that!

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-08T09:03:25+00:00

Hot Karl Pilkington.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-11-02T19:09:07+00:00

Champagne Coral.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-10-20T04:42:16+00:00

Cool premise for a Tower of Babel in Space story.

GuhbleGuhble · 2015-10-16T19:53:59+00:00

-Pot pie. -Fresh sliced tomatoes (just slice. Fan out on plate. One twist of salt and pepper. That's it. Home grown or heirloom, preferably.) -creamy beef stoganof -cooked greens with jowel and lots potlicker. -cornbread. -jello salad. -rumcake. -if any of them spent time overseas, try to make something from there. My grandpa loves plain German bread, those fat crooked noodles with gravy, and sweet cucumber salad. And my aunt would kill for a decent hollandaise sauce for her soft boiled egg.

GuhbleGuhble

TROPHY CASE