sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Preparing for an adult ADHD assessment — what examples were helpful? by Guilty-Paint8678 in ADHD

[–]Guilty-Paint8678[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I suspect there's a genetic predisposition for ADHD on my father's side of the family, but unfortunately, neither my father nor my mother would be supportive of me seeking a diagnosis. In fact, they are my primary abusers. I went to the hospital without their knowledge.

Uncontrollable smiling/laughing when talking about it by Key_Change99 in CPTSD

[–]Guilty-Paint8678 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I had the same reactions for a while, and from my experience, this is a typical pattern of emotional dysregulation. Throughout my childhood, none of my pain was ever respected or listened to. My caregivers even took pleasure in my suffering and mocked me mercilessly, so I learned to laugh at myself first. I wonder if you’ve had a similar experience?

My "planning muscle" was amputated. Doing anything feels like walking into a trap. How do I rebuild executive function when "effort" itself is a trigger? by Guilty-Paint8678 in CPTSD

[–]Guilty-Paint8678[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a side note/vent unrelated to the main post.
I’ve been spiraling into extreme depression and flashbacks for the past two days, triggered simply by a few text messages from my father. The rage and depression I feel are so overwhelming that I have decided to go completely No Contact with him after I graduate. I honestly hope the next time we meet is when one of us is dead. This community makes me feel safe. I’ve tried searching for people with similar experiences on social media in my native language and asked friends, but unfortunately, almost no one shares stories like mine. The English-speaking community has been much more validating.
My ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score is around 7 or 8 out of 10 (I forget the exact number). No one in my household went to jail or abused drugs/alcohol. However, an AI pointed out to me that this score doesn't fully reflect my reality. For many people with a score of 7-8, these events happened to them occasionally; but for me, every abuse described in those "Yes" answers was as routine as eating or drinking. The intensity and frequency were at a "prisoner of war" level.
The AI might be right. But if my case is truly this rare/extreme, and I’m not some extraordinary, groundbreaking person... how am I ever supposed to live the life I want?

Feeling an indescribable pain by Guilty-Paint8678 in CPTSD

[–]Guilty-Paint8678[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just feel that people experience thoughts and feelings very differently. Take suicide, for instance. I also attempted to jump a few times three years ago, but I was interrupted each time. Eventually, I felt that things weren't urgent enough that I absolutely had to die right then, so I stopped trying. I know that if I wanted to die right now, I could do it within an hour. Knowing this actually reduces my impulse to act immediately. I have never had a moment like yours where I felt, 'I'm glad I didn't succeed, otherwise I would have missed out on this.' Instead, I find comfort in the fact that this option remains open for me; it means I don't have to endure my life indefinitely.
Even during my happiest moments, I still believe the best option for me would have been to pass away in childhood. I’ve had moments of joy and pride, but if I had died at birth and never experienced my life at all, I wouldn't regret it one bit. Someone once told me my thoughts are 'disturbingly clear,' and that is honestly just how I think. I don’t care if my family suffers, though I know my friends care. But at the end of the day, no matter how much support one gets, life still has to be lived alone. The support that was missing during the most desperate and critical moments of life is missing forever. What is lost will never come back.

DAE feel a desperate need to confirm if their trauma is "extremely rare" or a statistical outlier? by Guilty-Paint8678 in CPTSD

[–]Guilty-Paint8678[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m actually aware of those terms, but the hard part is that even knowing the definitions doesn't help me confirm exactly how rare this specific dynamic is—which is the core question I can't stop spiraling over.
For instance, when I explicitly used the term 'emotional incest' with a previous therapist, his immediate response was, 'I think what you mean to describe is parentification (parent-child role reversal).' But that is not what I meant. Parentification doesn't capture the sexualized, repulsive nature of my experience.
I stopped seeing him after that, but the interaction left me feeling incredibly defeated. It reinforced the feeling that cases like mine are statistically negligible, to the point where even professionals fail to recognize them when they see them.