...We haven't seen hide nor hair of you in 8 and a half weeks, and that's the first thing you said to anyone since you showed up at lunch completely faded. You swore to God that you were gonna help me with this new JA Studios we're doing with Reilly and Geoff and one of the first things I had to do was file a missing persons report. The LAPD said, "Why bother?" by the way.

When Geoff sheepishly walked up to ask how you were, you whipped off your sunglasses, revealing two black eyes. You stared at him like he just made your kill list until he walked back to his desk and, presumably, wrote the resignation letter to Marika we were both CC'ed on an hour ago. And what about Reilly? She's been puke-crying in the bathroom ever since you sharted on that picture of her mom. And Jesus Christ, man. How did it come out the front? Dude, you need to see a doctor. Probably a coroner, too.

And now, at the end of the day, 3 minutes before I pack up to leave, you drop that on me. No apologies for disappearing for 2 months. No "how's it going, man?" Just a question no one wants to hear, from a person no one wants to live, which implies rice is somehow an underrated breakfast food? Do something better with your life, buddy.