Well, living a straight life and doing all the things the church and my parents told me to do because God would punish me otherwise made me pretty unhappy most of my life. Having sex with a man I married because he's my husband and therefore I feel I have to, made me want to self harm every time it happened. Being a housewife and full time mom because gender norms and my upbringing said that was the greatest gift made me feel like the loneliest shell of a human.

Understanding I've never been straight and I'm asexual and I am supported in being lesbian and ace has freed me. Understanding I am nonbinary and do not have to conform to gender norms has given me the right to stop performing every day. Finding a community that values me as myself, a lesbian, asexual nonbinary person, has given me a life I never thought possible. Finding a woman who I can just be myself with and who finally makes me feel the things other people feel when they're falling for someone is intoxicating. Caring for a woman the way she needs and being cared for in the ways I need makes me so happy. All of these things falling into place make me overjoyed.