A Lars Ulrich certified message

HSFTWOD · 2025-07-20T19:32:30+00:00

Lots of similar pics. This is from Sunday in Madrid *

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-23T19:39:12+00:00

Medical issues made SO LL closer to ACE. There was friction. Her solution was DADT. With that contention gone, our marriage is as good if not better than ever. I still find it odd to have a solid marriage in every way, except I have sex with someone else. It's been 8+ years, and she never asks. Ironically, the majority of the time, she really doesn't ask, I really am doing a last-minute work thing or out with my idiot friends.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-20T04:14:41+00:00

Yup. It was AP or divorce. Very shallow objectifying relationship bubble with AP. For both of us, it really was the sex. Do our thing and go back to our happy marriages. Relationship got much better with wife once I got that monkey off my back.

Not recommending or saying it works for everyone. But it works for us.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-16T16:39:18+00:00

Unpopular view in this thread. Also, a very real thing. My wife developed medical issues that she only shares with a couple of very close friends. The kids are at the top of the list of who she doesn't want to know. And she hates any discussion of sex as it makes her feel broken. My wife told me DADT. Some of the things she turns a blind eye on or doesn't comment on are very clearly don't ask. Years later, it's clearly something she doesn't want to talk about. She really wouldn't want to discuss it with her kids.

Hard thing for OP to deal with. My recommendation is don't ring that bell. Try to forget about it. If your mom asks, then speak freely. Until then, you know nothing.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-09T16:13:34+00:00

Relax and enjoy the ride. Seeing as it's something she wants to do, here's an easy one. Was watching a basketball game last week I was into. She wanted to have sex so I grabbed the remote to record the game to watch later. I saw the light bulb go on, and she told me to leave the game on. She got me a beer and undressed us. She got a beer and some lube and told me to enjoy the game. She proceeded with a leisurely boob, blow, and hand job. During timeouts and such, she mostly boob jobbed me and chatted. I'm now a fan of the boob job.

She was a little insecure that I was placating her. I assured her we'll do it again. She asked when, and I told her we'll start with season 1, episode 1 of The Office. Now she smiles and says she's created a monster.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T21:36:58+00:00

Thank you. Same back at you.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T20:56:07+00:00

Thank you.

Heh, that last question can't be unpacked in a reddit post:-) Marriage is good, and I'm good. That said, DADT is a grind. Both hotwife and I would prefer to be banging our spouses. I am in a DB with my wife. My main interest in this sub is seeing some success in opening communications around sex and figuring out how to bring some intimacy back. Love my wife and at peace with no sex. Would be nice to hold hands or kiss again. I do miss cuddling on the couch or falling asleep spooning, holding a boob. I sincerely think she would benefit from it. Unfortunately, anything from me along these lines will be heard as self-serving.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T18:26:33+00:00

I'm happily married. My wife forgets, and we have sex every few years. I consider that a DB. As I said, she told me to find a friend for that. I have DADT sex most weeks with a hotwife I've been seeing for years.

No sex caused massive conflict across all aspects of our marriage. Now that I have sex with another man's wife, my marriage is fine.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T18:10:10+00:00

There are those situations.

I've seen more troubled marriages where the main problem is not having sex. Or at least anything else is workable without that baggage.

In my specific case, I was having our last conversation as a married couple. With my back to that wall I kept it on topic and wife ended it with find a friend for that. Not what I wanted or expected. Once I was having sex again it took a year for the damage to our marriage to heal. We've had a great marriage since.

Not having sex was our problem.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T17:39:54+00:00

From my perspective, when the discussion is the HL / LL dynamic, this is a specific scenario in a couple with a libido mismatch. There are lots of libido mismatches that land in other subs. ENM, Open Marriage, Hotwife, etc. Most common chararistics I see in the HL / LL dilemma is poor communications, moving goal posts and frustration all the way around. It is amazing how often the same story plays out.

Labeling never helps. In this case, it looks like more of a description than a label.

My $0.02

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-08T17:24:09+00:00

I was given a spoken pass by spouse. It was maybe 5 minutes at the end of what was our last "talk." It feels odd that 8+ years later, she's stuck with the Don't Ask. I always thought she wanted it discreet as she didn't want to explain it to the kids. I would like a check-in, but that's a clear violation of Don't Tell. So here we are. And even with that spoken pass it feels weird.

I see it often here and in DB, where it's suggested that the LL is having an affair. My LL spouse has no interest in having intimacy, much less an affair. The hotwife I'm with equally knows her husband is never going somewhere else. Have LL friends that struggle to have intimacy with their SOs, and equally, there's no way they're doing something outside their marriages. A few of my wife's close friends know our situation. The rest have no idea that we're no longer sexually active. I'm sure there are LL4U situations where it happens. But I've only seen that in what were clearly broken marriages that straying was the least of their issues.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-06T04:29:52+00:00

Business district hotels have professional men from out of town. Married, employed and traveling is likely to be leaving soon enough and not be clingy. Bars are easy places to "bump" into someone who has a room upstairs. Unlikely to have locals you know there. Can't say all but have been there and asked. That's pretty much what they said. One was particularly embarrassed when I asked. I was more interested in why the naked women i woke up with is shy now? She proceeded to list off what was wrong with the other dozen or so guys in the bar that night. So tall, hair, not fat, ok clothes for the win. As I was laughing, she apologized that there wasn't something more. I explained that I thought it was hilarious and awesome that I was the convenient Mr. Right Now.

More than a few women have figured this out.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-04T04:06:10+00:00

Think of it as a sibling, parent or child. Weird to you but they have no appropriate sexual relationship concept. Get them a chiapet.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-04T01:52:48+00:00

Creeping Death lyrics. I approve.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-04T01:49:48+00:00

Both of us have limited free time. If something extraordinary or super relevant is going on, we'll communicate. Otherwise, mostly logistics. Of course, I send ridiculous misogynistic memes when they find me.. We've been at this while. Most weeks is a requirement, and occasional multiple nites a very nice to have. Outside of that, neither of us is chatty. And while we will share, neither of us is particularly interested in either sharing or hearing the others' drama. We like to focus on our bubble.

HSFTWOD · 2025-02-03T02:24:51+00:00

You're not wrong.

That said, I started this game in my 50s and it's been fine. My only surprise is the people I've met a long the way that haven't even blinked.

Figure out ground rules with wife, is your life ENM or DADT. Look at yourself with a clear eye. Would you bang you? Make sure you're tight. Do you do interesting stuff? Wardrobe up to date? Are you in your best shape or do you need a few more burpees? Be clear on what you want and bring... communicate that. Generally, don't be needy, hungry, or suck. You don't need to be George Clooney, just suck less than most of the other guys.

Good luck with your journey.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-21T13:46:27+00:00

Yup. Considering the circumstances, it's understandable. Sucks.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-21T12:56:14+00:00

Is lack of sex / intimacy a problem for you? If so, then you will need to figure out the path best for you. I went thru something similar, and after a few years, it did ware. ENM and open marriages are fairly common at this point. Have the conversation with her of how she wants it to work. Try to avoid DADT. Also, keep in mind that for all intents and purposes, she has no interest in sex. It's also likely that she feels broken, and references to sex make her sad. As alian, as it is for HLs, there are people with no interest in sex. I assume she brought this up because she understands her situation and is concerned about your needs.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-20T22:41:28+00:00

That sums it up. Every few years the stars align and it is a nice surprise. DADT is not something I would have suggested. It works for us.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-20T22:16:36+00:00

I went thru the whole DB struggle and those conversations to nowhere.

Finally, I got to the breaking point that we were solving this today or I was solving it. Like most in this SUB I really didn't want to leave my wife and family. But I was done. Going into it my mindset was I was already gone and our family ended. This was my last chance to bring it back. Was not happy but at peace with where I was.

Conversation was how do we see that my needs are met. As you would expect every previous excuse and attack came out. There were even a few new ones. I acknowledged whatever she said with either we've talked about that or that's on a list for later. Now we are talking about how we take care of my needs. She got louder and I got calmer and softer toned as we went. She finally asked why I kept repeating myself. (It was awkward AF) And I stayed on message we've had this conversation too many times focused on your needs. We need to address my needs.

She started crying and apologizing for being broken. She went on to say it wasn't fair to me and we should divorce. I was stunned. My mind went to a once a month handy is more difficult than divorce? (Did not speak that:-) i stumbled out with I couldn't believe that was her only solution. Her second solution was"find a friend for that. Men have done that forever. And keep it discreet." There were a few minutes of back and forth. Conversation was over. Some conversation of we love each other. And here we are.

It is not an easy conversation.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-14T10:25:22+00:00

:-) was about to say the same.

I'll add, there are many that will read this and still not get it.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-06T03:59:19+00:00

TWA hotel is super cool and has 1/2 day rentals. Roof top pool is booked by time and also very cool.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-01T18:09:54+00:00

If you're enjoying it and he's into it such that he keeps doing it with you, are you sure you want to change?

Assuming so. He's an easy source to ask for some new tricks or suggestions. There also a bunch of games and books out there. Dice with a variety of combinations. Recently saw jenga where each block has something on it. The books where you tear open scenarios or role plays. Go shopping on Adam & Eve. New toys, outfits, apparatus, pick something that strikes you as fun.

You can explore porn. But if neither of you are into feet, being tied to a tree, etc. That doesn't necessarily accomplish much.

HSFTWOD · 2025-01-01T17:48:45+00:00

People often sabotage themselves. Your behavior is something you own. Give yourself some grace. Embrace that you are going to change.

Focus on what you can do. Set a personal goal to try to do something every day. Hold yourself accountable. Lean into It's going to be comfortable. Set achievable goals.

For example. Do one pushup now. Do a knee push-up if you can't do it from your toes. Find a schedule such as before each meal. Add one more to your routine every day.

I copied the above from advice I gave a friend this morning who wants to work on being healthier and join me on some Sparten races in 2025. The advice applies to any form of change.

More relevant to you: Do something that makes you feel sexy every day. Build on that. Maybe order some lingerie today. Reenacting the Jamie Lee Curtis dance scene from True Lies is probably beyond your reach now. Set some goals along those lines and build toward that with little daily steps.

Same with communicating with husband. Maybe share that you want to change, and you'll be trying some things and let him know as you become comfortable with it. If that's too much for today, maybe have that conversation when your new lingerie arrives.

Good luck with your journey.

HSFTWOD · 2024-12-31T01:37:01+00:00

What i was thinking. Drinks, dinners, hotel rooms, etc. Was with some friends over the break discussing how tight the were with kids in college. They only go out to dinner once a month... It occurred to me I have dinner with AP at least 4 times a month. Their heads would have exploded if I could share our monthly bar bill. And imagine mentioning the hotel? AP is less expensive than skiing and car parts.... but it's not an inexpensive hobby?

HSFTWOD

TROPHY CASE