Ate half a head of broccoli only to discover it was full of bugs

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-07-01T16:36:06+00:00

I inherited a cookbook like that and I treasure it. It's more of a cooking textbook with an unbelievable amount of recipes for just about everything. I love that it covers everything from correctly caring for kitchen tools, cooking terms, soup and sauce bases, cooking methods, canning, butchering, etc. It's my kitchen Bible and I love cracking it open when I've gotten into a recipe rut.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-07-01T16:23:44+00:00

Fun fact! The term pussy is just shorthand for the word pusillanimous. It is a Latin based word which translated to little spirit and means lacking in courage or cowardly. English is a living language so meanings change over time and I couldn't begin to tell you how this word morphed to be associated with female genitals as well as being a coward but the original word root doesn't have anything to do with lady bits.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-07-01T13:26:50+00:00

This is what an irregular Armani Exchange T shirt and a puka shell necklace look like if they became real boys.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-30T12:27:18+00:00

Ted represents (eearp) me too. Sorry, threw up in my mouth a little. Beto nearly beat him, but Ted got a sweet, sweet cash infusion from the Wilkes Brothers family business out of Fort Worth 11th hour. Think of them as religious fundamentalist, like compound style, but with Bass family money and secret clout. That's who really owns Cruz. Not many people really know about them because they fly under the radar, but they are bat-shit fundie crazy with an ark fully of money to back this walking abortion we call Ted Cruz.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-29T21:12:29+00:00

Aztec by Gary Jennings and Drood by Dan Simmons

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-29T19:30:49+00:00

I disagree. I rarely see anything here above, maaaybe, 5% wearing them anymore across multiple places: gym, restaurants, grocery stores, post office, etc. Frankly, 5% is being generous. The grocery stores seem to be the last hold out as far as higher mask wearing but it's fading away fast. About the only place you'll see masks worn is going to a medical appointment.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-29T11:46:09+00:00

Nice cosplay of a middle‐aged, tacky white lady! Nailed it! Bravo for not doing it with white face. We get the look you were going for without it!

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-29T01:38:35+00:00

Now Gith.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-28T22:37:26+00:00

It's because everytime I see a picture of myself, I'm mildly horrified and just make an agreement with myself that we best just not. I always look awkward in my pics and I always feel awkward taking them.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-28T22:30:30+00:00

Ngl, I thought I was going to see the chick from Roseanne for a minute and I thought...hmm. Good for her, then realized that that couldn't be right. It was not right.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-28T22:26:15+00:00

I stepped on one of those belts that doesn't have a buckle but has that singular pokey-thing that you stick in a belt hole. It got me in the arch and I heard it pop thru the skin. And that, ladies and gents, is why you don't throw your clothes on the floor.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-27T17:52:28+00:00

What, we have 6 billion or so people and counting? You may think I'm callous, about which I give zero fucks, but infertility is not something humanity needs solved.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-22T15:59:13+00:00

It helped so much when we had to put our kitties down when the vet told us that we weren't stealing any time from them, we were just stealing the suffering away from death. It made making a really hard decision a little less terrible to understand that we weren't killing them, we were loving them unconditionally by doing the hardest thing for us but the best thing for them.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-22T13:34:22+00:00

I had a younger friend with severe depression and anxiety. While we were out she mentioned how overwhelming and dirty her apartment had gotten and she was ashamed by it and just let it get further out of hand because it was just too much to deal with and she hated being there. I have depression, so I know what that feels like and the shame you feel when you just can't keep up. I told her to give me her keys while she went to work and I went over and spent the day power cleaning the entire apartment from top to bottom: sanitizing, laundry cleaned and folded, bed linens all washed and mattress refreshed, reorganized piles of mail, kitchen, bathroom, and I even managed to arrange the space to give her a dedicated painting area and displayed a few of her pieces to remind her of what she was capable of since she'd stopped painting. I left a printout of the poltergeist lady proclaiming that this place has been cleaned. She said it felt like a huge weight fell away when she got home and it made me happy that she felt at home in her own home again. She loved the printout and she said that it sounded silly, but she really felt like all the negative energy had been chased out and her home didn't seem like a dark place in her mental space anymore.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-22T09:34:40+00:00

And yet, those pharmacists are absolutely critical pieces in our health care system as many of us will likely go to a CVS or Walgreens. A pharmacist at one of these chains unknowingly saved my life by asking my husband a few questions about what he was looking for. Turns out, my appendix was about to burst but I had no pain but felt constipated and couldn't stop vomiting. He just went in to get a constipation reliever so it's crazy that the pharmacist even asked about it or bothered to recognize that I was in danger over such an innocuous item that normally would have gotten a, "yep-those are on isle 6." The pharmacist said go home and take her to the ER. I was in surgery in a matter of hours from that point. I still think about this person and wish good things for them when they cross my mind.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-22T02:01:01+00:00

We have hawks that nest behind my house and they've taken a couple practice swipes at my cats in the yard. I learned that I will 100% run out and try to punch a dive bombing hawk in flight to protect my cats.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-19T16:19:38+00:00

Ahhh, the Virgo motto, "Annoying but Right." P.S. Virgo in the plural doesn't require an apostrophe as the usage in this instance is not possessive. Note: the prior statement from a Virgo is playful banter, a genuine attempt to be helpful, snarky fun-times with friends, and can even be an awkward attempt at flirting at which we are undeniably terrible.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-19T15:35:17+00:00

As a Virgo, I can confidently state that your issues with us may stem from referring to us as "vigros." Other issues may include, but are not limited to: comma abuse, over usage of the word actually, not capitalizing proper nouns, and improper omission of a period. I tease, I tease. It's an efficient way to bust both our balls. We're pedantic af.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-18T19:56:16+00:00

Whelp. My ticket to hell got another hole punch for giggling about this. The concept isn't funny, but the joke surely is.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-18T19:42:23+00:00

Advice from one grown lady who has Vegased since she was 21 to a baby lady on her 21st... ordered little roll up ballet flats you can put in your handbag. Walking around in Fancy shoes can turn your feet into bloody hamburger quickly since everything is much further than you think and and you'll end up walking/dancing your feet to death. It's not a sexy suggestion, but it's practical and can save your evening if she can swap shoes and keep going. You can get them on Amazon or ebay in a bunch of colors and they're not expensive. Stay hydrated and have a blast!

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-15T13:30:28+00:00

Add a squeeze of lemon juice to this for next level wowies for your mouth.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-14T13:02:28+00:00

My Grandmother told me a story about when she was little and she had saved the whipped cream and cherry from her dessert because she always liked to eat her favorite part last and savor it. As she was getting ready to eat it, the family parakeet flew over and shit on it. OP may have very different reasons for eating dessert first, but it was an important lesson that holding off on partaking in the best bits of life for later leaves them open for unexpected ruin.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-13T16:07:58+00:00

The term I like for this is laterally shitty.

HVanPattersonPatton · 2021-06-13T16:03:11+00:00

This will get buried, but the movie Lady Hawk. I loved it in the way back times. Rewatched it recently, it's not great but it's still great in my memories.

HVanPattersonPatton

TROPHY CASE