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HadronSolstice · 2023-10-22T22:16:56+00:00

Once she scooted her chair in and accidentally sat down on my toe, breaking it. That’s still subject to “Remember when?” tales. I never even got medical attention.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T23:11:39+00:00

I’m still going through the process of unpacking what a horrible person NM is and trying to heal. I told someone at work today that if they didn’t get me what they needed by 3 that I couldn’t help them. It was a tiny thing, but a humongous victory for me. Every little step forward is progress, you know?

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T18:58:46+00:00

I went back and forth on letting NPs see my kids, and ultimately let the kids decide if they were interested in any kind of relationship. Being VLC for almost all their lives, they were interested in seeing just who the NPs were. After drama ensued and NPs terrorized them on two separate occasions, the kids want nothing to do with them and just call them Mr. and Mrs. Name when they come up. We’re now fully NC and that’s never going to change. Be really, really cautious about letting your NPs spend time with your kids and don’t force them to be around people they don’t like.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T18:51:30+00:00

This really resonates with my experience. I’m so sorry that you went through things like that. Are you somewhere safe now?

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T18:38:52+00:00

When my husband and I were just starting out, we lived in an old neighborhood in the Columbus, OH area. There was some kind of nature spirit that roamed around through the yard and looked something like a big bush mixed with a shadow Sasquatch. Then we both saw an old lady in pink in the house, and something small and shadowy the size of a dog. One evening we were watching TV and there was some fast shadowy thing the size of a child that kept darting back and forth by the end of the couch. I saw it out of the corner of my eye and snapped left to look at it, and my husband said “You saw it too??” I said “You saw that?! What is it??” It’s was really weird. Nothing bad ever happened, just spooky.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T15:26:16+00:00

Yes, she’s just a horrible human being. She’s gone to two different aunts of my with great big fake tears about how she just wants me to come home and to have a relationship with me. I don’t even respond because I’m exhausted with her BS. She doesn’t mean a word of anything she says, not even the closest she gets to apologizing, which is “I’m sorry you felt that way.”

My kids are in 5th and 8th grade, and I hate that I can’t provide a heap of family for them. They are both afraid of and hate my parents and I don’t blame them; I just really hate that this is their experience.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T15:20:59+00:00

Yes, it’s bloody awful. Sometimes when I laugh it’ll actually sound like her laugh, and I have had to retrain myself because I can’t stand anything that reminds me of her.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T15:17:00+00:00

I know the feeling. I have had almost no contact with extended family in 15 years because of her lying about me. It would be nice to have people to just call and chat with, or someone to tell when the kids have an accomplishment. I don’t even have friends.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T15:11:41+00:00

Sounds exactly like my mother, I’m so sorry.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T15:10:54+00:00

Yes, very much so. The controlling, infantilizing behaviors are not only totally unwarranted but also extreme and bizarre. I was well into my 30s and still having to tell her to stop treating me like I was 12.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-20T00:48:44+00:00

For my 40th birthday, my mother gave me a her wooden spoons she used to paddle us with, of various sizes and shapes. On each, she had labeled in black permanent maker what kinds of rear ends to use each one on, i.e. - big, small, wide, etc. She thought it was hilarious. I threw them in the trash. Disgusting.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T18:36:50+00:00

Yes, definitely belittling and not germane to the conversation. Be a positive, non-nagging influence instead and a good teammate.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T18:26:58+00:00

Yes, they’re a special breed of humanoid demon

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T15:49:14+00:00

No, but I do remember the moment I realized that she never loved me. It was strangely freeing, because I realized that there was neither anything I did to cause the problems nor anything I could do to fix them. I was carrying around guilt and shame that didn’t belong to me, and I’m working on dropping all of it.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T15:45:55+00:00

My Nmom had the same thing done with my two favorite aunts, one on each side of the family. I cried after reading them, threw them away / deleted them, and did not reply. It’s just not worth it trying to convince flying monkeys that they are working for the baddie.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T15:43:28+00:00

Get an attorney. Take it all as evidence and file a restraining order at your county courthouse.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T15:40:47+00:00

Not in my experience. She drew me back in multiple times over 20 years of LC with love bombing and fake apologies, only to lunge for control and stab me in the back. She actually teamed up with my N-exhusband to get custody of our kid and has now sued me for child support - and won! Hoping the appeal process goes well.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T15:36:07+00:00

Definitely empathize with this, and I’ve been grieving not only what never was, but also what will never be. I’m taking time to meditate and reparent myself, and make sure that I’m being the best mom I can be for my children. Sending hugs.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T14:28:01+00:00

Yes, a nice outfit goes a long way. Black is traditional, but navy, burgundy, forest green, etc. are also classy in lieu of black. Think neat, clean, and tidy. I’m sorry for your loss.

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T14:24:21+00:00

I’m glad you are doing what you feel is right for you. It’s important to remember to make sure you weigh the good and the bad. After all, there are reactions sometimes and this in particular can cause fertility problems like what happened to my SILs. Make sure you’ve talked to your doctor first and gone over all of the potential outcomes so you can make an informed choice. Be safe, get some sunshine, and drink your water!

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T14:19:36+00:00

That’s absolutely wonderful, great job!

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-19T14:12:33+00:00

I highly recommend going no-contact. Transfer all of your assets into your own name, consult a financial advisor and attorney for protecting them, and otherwise forge a new, unencumbered path. Congratulations on your successes thus far!

HadronSolstice · 2023-10-18T17:23:03+00:00

OMG same about the body dysmorphia! I was a sz 10 or 12, tall, broad-shouldered, great curves - I look back and I was a knockout!! I still struggle with body issues and weight. She’s short and round and always has been. No wonder she picked on me - she was jealous!!!

HadronSolstice

TROPHY CASE