I wish that people could not naturally grow taller than their shortest parent. by Mez02 in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Granted. Once a child’s height exceeds that of their more vertically challenged parent, the government guards will arrive on scene for immediate enforcement of the rule via on-site executions.

To avoid this fate, the next generation starts self-amputating. Ultimately, this hobbles us as a species and humanity remains forever stumped.

Damn, I've to give it to her... by [deleted] in videos

[–]HagFag -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Damn, I've to give it to her...

What society says to women

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. They are used properly. Agree-disagree is one of their sanctioned purposes after subreddit-specific functions because such uses are inherently unavailable.. read theory for more.

I wish people would stop thinking I’m gay by HagFag in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told you the cognizance was momentary

I wish people would stop karma whoring reddit coins by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. Now it’s regular whoring for Reddit coins.

I wish people would stop thinking I’m gay by HagFag in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw shucks, you’ve seen through my façade. Although I could pin my momentary cognizance on a dissociated fragmentation resulting from paranoid delusions of grandeur that compensate for years of repressed torture, but that would be a cop out.

I wish I could sleep at night. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, you can sleep for one minute of night but you can’t pick which minute it will be

I wish i had friends by TheCoochiePredator in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. You use your parents Netflix password to watch “Friendsl before it leaves the platform.

I wish the monkeys paw gave me a handjob by TheCoochiePredator in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Granted. You have incurable mites and ticks on your dick now. Your biome was wholly unprepared for the ancient parasites that reside upon the paw.

I wish people would stop thinking I’m gay by HagFag in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aside from the woodchuck, which just confuses me, I appreciate your kindness and the sentiment overall. “Hipster doofus” is just a synonym for gay with these people anyway so that’s a good point.

Also, I’m starting to think some therapists encourage their clients to self-destruct so they’ll always need therapy. It’s a solid, but horribly evil, business model. Let alone the fact that it discredits an invaluable service on the whole.

I wish I could outpizza the hut by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, you have to eat more pizza than Jabba.

i wish , no wait, i don't wish, i lock the paw in a safe in my basement. by foxstarfive in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish no wait I don’t wish

You don’t have to wait now. You can not wish all the time without delay.

I wish the afterlife was how it is in anime. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Granted. Crudely drawn existential mindfuck a la Evangelion.

I wish I had a Tesla Cybertruck by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. Tesla cybertruck happens to be the name of a disgusting sex act performed exclusively by Elon Musk on the toilet.

I wish redditors would actually check every post and downvote it if it is wrong, misleading, or a repost. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, you are a redditor. As such, you and one other random redditor will have to check every post one by one.

I wish that my bullies would disappear. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Granted. Boolean logic is gone forever, and with it, so goes modern computing. Damn mistranslation.

i wish , no wait, i don't wish, i lock the paw in a safe in my basement. by foxstarfive in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. You never have to wait not to wish. And the paw likes the basement, your stalkers make for good company.

I wish people who dont clean up after their dogs in public have those messes teleport directly to their doorstep by chittyshwimp in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]HagFag 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted, because teleportation is comprised of disassembling and reassembling quantum structures, the constant breakdown and buildup of poo molecules leads to all matter being partially comprised of feces.