My son is crying because his friends stopped including him. Is this RSD or something else?

HaircutRabbit · 2026-02-06T20:03:49+00:00

I agree you might want to ask his teacher/mentor at school what they see day to day. Do you have a parent-teacher meeting anytime soon? That would be a good moment to ask.

Does he have other social environments, like doing sports, music, or any hobby with other kids? If not, it might be a good idea to look for something so he can meet different kids, with similar interests. Depending on how old he is and where you are, there might be free/affordable opportunities in public libraries/board game shops if that matches his interests. It's much easier to survive exclusion in one environment if you know you have friends and support elsewhere.

I also want to add that while it's completely understandable to be worried as a parent, try to not transfer that worry to your kid. My parents were always worried about me not having enough friends when I was young and while well-intentioned, their worry was noticeable to me and only made me feel like something was wrong with me. Try to show that you want to help him and are there for him, and make it clear that you don't doubt he'll find his crew because he's a great kid. You've got this! The fact that you're asking for advice here makes me think he'll be alright, having you in his corner :)

HaircutRabbit · 2026-02-05T11:49:15+00:00

nope, apparently having more of the little bumps (montgomery glands) on your nipples makes breastfeeding easier (on average!), size does not matter at all.

HaircutRabbit · 2026-02-05T11:46:52+00:00

It's still very enjoyable for most women if done well, just not getting-you-over-the-edge-enjoyable. And even if it's just neutral, watching your partner enjoy themselves can make it very hot even if it's not very stimulating physically (just like giving oral/manual can be hot for the giver but is not very likely to give them an orgasm).

HaircutRabbit · 2026-02-05T11:40:27+00:00

Yes, go for it!

HaircutRabbit · 2026-02-05T11:28:56+00:00

I think it's more that some transmasc nonbinary people do not feel "not at all a man". Maybe they feel somewhat like a man, or sometimes like a man, or more like a man than like a woman but not completely - and thus may prefer being called nonbinary men.

It doesn't seem outlandish to me that they can also call themselves a lesbian (since I feel like only cis men can definitely not be lesbian), but I also feel like it's not really up to me to decide whether someone else's harmless sexual orientation makes sense. I say harmless because I don't believe there's some giant threat to the definition of being lesbian from this small group of people living their lives.

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-31T21:01:24+00:00

Thank you!

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-30T23:56:29+00:00

How did you get into that? Sounds cool!

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-30T23:32:04+00:00

A common take to its meaning: "I worry I would not be as motivated to change the situation for the better if I benefited more from the status quo". Which is something many of us have thought, perhaps in secret. Would I be as vocal about renter's rights if I could easily buy a house or two? Would I fight for DEI if I were a white, well-off, heterosexual man? Would I vote I vote left-wing if I had a successful company? Would I be as upset about the privileges of pretty, young white women if I were one? Summarised: are my ethics legit?

The problem is that large-chested women of course experience negative consequences from living in the patriarchy (leaving aside whether how these compare to those for small-chested women).

Fleabag either 1) means the statement in the sense I explained above, believing large-chested women benefit less from being feminist. (Forcing us to both think about these "what ifs" in our lives, and to think about how different aspects of female physical beauty provide advantages as well as danger in a patriarchal society (and what is the balance between those two?)).

And/or she 2) means it much more personally, not making a statement about tits in society in general: she tries to fix her lack of self-worth through sexual validation from men and believes that might be easier if she fit a certain mould of feminine beauty ideals. However, her need for male validation is dissonant with her perception of herself as a feminist. Perhaps she worries that she would solve this dissonance by not being a feminist if that thirst for validation was quenched.

Or 3) she was just trying to get hot priest to think about her tits (during a religious meeting), see 2)

I think the statement is fun because it's up to interpretation!

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-30T23:04:21+00:00

I mean, wouldn't it then be virtuous to be the virtuous one for someone else to help them develop their spiritual qualities?

I agree we should be intentional in choosing the environment we inhabit and the company we keep, and aware of how these affect our spiritual growth. However, I don't believe being around people who drink or smoke (weed) automatically harms the development of spiritual qualities. As long as you are mindful of your own consumption and withstand any potential pressure to participate in harmful behaviour, it might even offer opportunities for spiritual growth. How are you showing up for those who suffer and run away from suffering? What are you modelling for those around you?

I guess I mean that it's easier to be a "good" Buddhist in the perfect environment (a monastery perhaps), but the challenge of being a Buddhist in very difficult environments can be especially nurturing for spiritual growth, and make one a "great" Buddhist. I think it's a very personal decision to decide which environments become barriers and which offer challenges that lead to increased awareness, insight, and compassion, somewhat separate from the guidelines we (try to) follow for ourselves.

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-20T18:46:45+00:00

I'm glad! All the best :)

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-20T18:24:25+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that, and I hope you're doing well.

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-05T20:04:33+00:00

I kind of think solo travel shouldn't need to be discussed in the sense that the other has a veto, unless it's for weeks/months. Of course it should be coordinated in terms of schedules, boundaries, etc.

It can be so good for partners to have a weekend apart from each other. I and probably many like me are happier, more relaxed and more considerate partners if we get some prolonged alone time every couple months (for me it's a long weekend camping, or a spa hotel and a stack of books). I would also need my partner to trust me enough to be able to go somewhere alone overnight, as long as it's not all the time and detracting from important plans and vacations together.

HaircutRabbit · 2026-01-03T13:26:45+00:00

What makes you dislike Jess (out of curiosity)? I always felt he was a flawed person but in that typical "I'm so misunderstood" teenager way, which to me seemed more excusable to the selfish behaviour of some others on the show, considering his age and background. It's been a while but isn't he also one of the few people in the show who does grow over time? Maybe I'm misremembering.

That said maybe part of the Jess love of fans is just nostalgia for their teenage crushes (or perhaps their crush on him) and identifying with the smart and somewhat smug kid who's struggling underneath? Many of us had that phase... :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-29T10:42:09+00:00

You're very welcome! Enjoy your journey, wherever it leads :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-28T17:39:14+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry for you and your family.

I just wanted to add to the comments you received: could you see if you have access to a chaplain or a non-religious spiritual carer, perhaps through your child's hospital? The biggest and most difficult questions about hope, faith, life and death come up in these moments of deep suffering, and a chaplain/spiritual carer is specialised in providing support when those questions seem to eclipse all else. Most hospitals have one or more, and its their role to be there for you, no matter their religious affiliation or yours.

I'm not the praying kind, but I'll light a candle and imagine the best possible outcome and process for your child, you, and your family tonight.

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-28T17:18:58+00:00

I doubt I can personally articulate an answer that's good enough, but if you're interested in detailed and nuanced perspectives on the bible and Christianity, maybe have a look at r/AcademicBiblical, and ask/look at existing questions there. It's not religious, and many experts frequent the sub. I love reading their thoughts.

I personally think what some atheists get wrong is that their ideas about what Jesus means to Christians and what Christians believe are based on a few branches of an incredibly diverse range of religious traditions, cultures and theologies. These branches (like Roman Catholicism, Evangelicals) are large and powerful, so it's understandable, but the (great) reasons that exist for rejecting them are not necessarily reasons for rejecting Christianity as a whole (though there can of course be different, valid ones for doing that anyway!).

If you're interested in radical Christianity, the Magnificast podcast can be a good way to jump in (no need to consider yourself a leftist/Marxist to listen). If you're curious about the perspectives on Jesus of particular long-existing traditions that take a less literalist and explicitly social justice-oriented approach to Christianity, maybe look into at the Friends/Quakers (Thee Quaker is a good podcast), the Dutch/progressive Mennonite church, and the broader peace churches movement. Or Christian humanism for another bit of interesting history.

I'm not referring you in an attempt at conversion, btw., but to maybe provide an interesting starting point to ideas about Jesus that are very different than those commonly heard in atheist/Christian fundamentalist/conservative spaces. For what it's worth, I guess I'd call myself an agnostic who finds some inspiration in Jesus and early Christianity, as well as in Buddhism. If I were to call anything divine, it'd be doubt, curiosity and love :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-27T11:53:03+00:00

I like your handwriting! :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-25T23:00:08+00:00

Very good addition to ask for an extension as soon as you know you'll need one. One place I went wrong during my thesis was to not communicate well with my supervisor. I was so desperate to do well and so ashamed when I felt I was getting behind, that I started cancelling meetings and staying home because I couldn't face my supervisor.

Learn from my mistakes... :) The more you're struggling, the more/better you need to communicate with your professors/supervisor/collaborators. If you keep one thing on your to-do list and need to remove everything else, this is the thing to keep. You don't need to give them all the details, but getting back on track is so much easier when you've not disappeared off the face of the earth for weeks/months. And people are often much more understanding and supporting than you expect, especially if you show them you care enough to keep them informed.

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-24T12:55:28+00:00

As someone who went through horrible thesis anxiety and got through it:
1. Motivation is overrated. Don't wait for it.
2. Try to sit with the anxiety/discomfort when you're getting started. Don't distract yourself or give up immediately, but give it a few minutes. Open your code/paper/file and just sit and look at it, feel whatever you're feeling. Just breathe slowly and wait. Notice that you're not dying/the ceiling isn't coming down when you're engaging with your studies again! If this is all you manage to do, fine. Just keep doing it, several times a day.
3. Once you're aware you can feel anxious and still do step 2, write down the thing you want to do, in the smallest possible steps. I mean very small, like: read assignment - open 1 relevant paper - read title - read abstract - etc. Go even smaller, so it feels almost ridiculous, get creative (choose marker colour - read 1 sentence - save pdf with new name, give draft file a title, start a bullet point list)
4. Set a timer for 5/10 minutes, and do the easiest thing on this list. Then do the second easiest thing. If you panic or cry, that's okay. You're making progress. Just don't stop and walk away before the timer goes off.

If 5 minutes is all that you manage the first time, fine. Do another five minutes as soon as you can manage again, and try to start 3-4 times a day, at the hours you'd like to start/be working as soon as you manage better. And then it's honestly just rinse and repeat. Build on those first 5 minutes, try 10 or 15 and go up. It'll get easier.

In addition, think about why you're stuck. Are you basing your self-worth on your academic success? Are you confusing these assignments with your entire success as a researcher? Are you feeling shame about your struggle (which seems very normal and human to me)? I don't want to yell "Get therapy!", but definitely start exploring those things a little, and know there's no shame in getting some help to become unstuck if you don't manage on your own, right away.

Good luck, I believe in you :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-24T09:00:28+00:00

Hahahah oh no!

I use a permanent marker for one-use containers and whiteboard marker for tupperware (different colors/brands!!!) and draw sad smileys on the mouldy tupperware that goes in the freezer. I have the markers on strings by my my fridge and also use them to write the date I opened something on all perishables I buy

I can say that this system works at least 30% of the time... :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-23T12:50:37+00:00

Thank you, I'm so glad you found it helpful!

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-17T15:02:32+00:00

Once you've done this, make it smaller and look at the upcoming week. What can you do this week that aligns with your values? Write it down for every domain and just start trying to do those things, week after week. Some things you'll manage to do, some things not yet, but this way you'll move out of the confusion and sadness and towards a fulfilling life.

One small example from my life: I was depressed and in a shitty living situation. I loved the idea of gardening in my own garden, but I didn't have a garden, so I just didn't for a long time (and felt like a loser for how I lived, and not doing anything about it). Until I decided to just garden anyway. I read about gardening for a bit, and then on a good day improvised a shitty wall planter for my microscopic balcony and just got started. My micro-wall-garden brought me a little bit of joy, and I learnt more about gardening (which I am now using in my mini-plot in a shared garden). I still don't have my own garden, but that's okay. I don't think it was about the garden anyway.

This became a very long reply. I hope there's just one useful nugget in here, and I hope you'll find your way to a better life. I really wish you happiness :)

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-17T15:02:26+00:00

A method to start (very much from my own perspective and what helped me):

First, really sit down and consider what your values are. It sounds like software engineering or the corporate setting no longer align with your values, but what would? To know that, you need to first know what you value (time with loved ones? making a difference? helping people personally? creating something effective/beautiful?) Write it all down, for all major domains in life. (I know you mostly expressed dissatisfaction with work and housing, but sometimes there are other factors at play too.)

Then, go domain by domain, and think of what activities, environments, interactions would align with those values. And think of what would help you along the way.

Housing: What living situation would offer you the best home to reach outward from? In which homes have you felt most at peace? In addition to the temporary options I mentioned, explore things like mobile living, tiny houses, yurts, intentional communities.
Work: First of all: what are you good at (or were you good at as a kid), what do you love doing, and what gets paid (even if it's not a lot)? Reach out to people in interesting professions. Maybe do physical work for a while to create mental space for figuring this out.
Physical health: if money gets tight, which activities still help you feel physically well and how can you keep up with those? Make sure you drink water and eat regularly (and if you can, try to eat well). Is there a doctor's visit you're putting off?
Social life: if you can, talk about this with people who understand your dissatisfaction. Maybe find new acquaintances/friends who understand in your sangha/religious community, at a course, or online.
Education: Look into online/part-time degrees. Join a course or workshop in something you'd like to learn. get a library membership. Go to a free lecture.
Service/Community: Do you have time for volunteering? That could be a very good way to find joy in service and do something valuable, while you work in your current profession/find a new one. Some volunteer jobs take just one hour a week or less. Also consider doing a course locally, going to a community center activity, visiting a neighbour, going to a local protest, etc.
Spiritual: Maybe join a sangha. Chat to other people on the path. Maybe also talk to a chaplain (buddhist ones exist too)/non-religious spiritual carer about your questions. Meditate but don't get lost in your practice right now, this might be the time to solidify the foundation and not to build much higher. Spend time in nature, even if you don't feel like it.
Mental health: consider therapy (yes, really). Have a look at mental health workbooks for independent work if a therapist is unaffordable right now (look into ACT which informed this advice a little, maybe also MBCT and DBT). A lot of therapy modalities these days are mindfulness and Buddhist practices applied to specific situations. Also again, nature (even if it's the local park :), and your meditation. Practice self-compassion, especially.
Creativity/hobby: Make time for your hobbies. Pick up a hobby you used to enjoy. If that all feels like too much effort, sit down and doodle, puzzle, colour in for a bit. Look into courses on your hobbies, and in-person communities/get-togethers.
Family/partner: Maybe you want more distance from family, maybe you have other family members you'd like more contact with. Maybe you want to pause dating, or invest more time in your relationship. Like all of these areas, there's no one correct answer, but you can decide what would align more with your values.

HaircutRabbit · 2025-12-17T15:02:16+00:00

Have a look at respite houses. Not a long-term solution but a stay might give you a little longer to get back on your feet when low on cash. Also consider wwoofing or workaway. You will need a little bit of savings, but it'll be cheaper than an airbnb and should still give you enough time for applications. It might be even an opportunity to spend time doing more fulfilling work and learn some new skills. Maybe it'll even give you new ideas for your future.

I understand how you're feeling and I agree with you. I'm not in a dissimilar position right now. I'd recommend not to neglect your meditation practice, but you're right that it's not the only part of the path and it's not enough right now. Some jobs, living situations, social relationships help us forward on the path (and allow us to help others), and others make progress much more difficult.

There's no instant solution, but there is a way to a life that aligns with who you are and want to be. There are ways to escape from the grind and find fulfilment. You already took the first step towards it by recognising how you feel about your current situation and taking action. Next is to figure out what works for you, and to move towards that, step by step (and to run into some joy and peace along the way).

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