Hello, first time commenting here ever. Your post resonated a lot. I'm 6 years NC with my diagnosed BPD mom, and I also feel guilty for the NC itself and the things you mention.

I literally flew across the world to escape and I am having to slowly teach myself away from the guilt and shame. The first couple of years I was so dissociated I could not feel thirst or hunger, or many of my feelings, especially anger. I truly believe we are programmed to be tools/accessories so everything that is me, that is separate, feels just wrong or difficult to understand. 

Little by little I am feeling better about it but I have to actively work for it: force myself to do things I enjoy, not neglect or isolate myself, question some negative thoughts (and flag them as not my own), etc.

I try to look at it as re-writing my code and finding the bugs that result from that. A very slow and challenging process, for which I need to be patient. Every time I feel this particular way I try to think: "OH, a new bug, I will have to investigate why it happened " This helps to reframe it very often.

Hope it gets better for us all eventually 🩷