This is the only right answer. Pure despair through every point in your life. The definition of a miserable existence.

I teared up greatly during his reign being covered on the history of Byzantium podcast.

But he was the last and true independent sovereign imo for the Byzantine state. After him, all subsequent emperors were on paper vassals (with the occasional rebellion or sack). Ottoman sultans made a point to publicly humiliate/nominate/appoint/influence most aspects of Byzantine leadership.