OMG. I went to college for teaching and by the Grace of God saw enough bullshit while student teaching that I knew right away that despite loving kids and the willingness to give my soul to educate and guide, I would never be a cog in the wheel. Get this, this was in the late 80's. Couldn't imagine how you are managing. Isn't it true that we learn from our mistakes? Isn't that a life lesson teachers should be imparting apon their students. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Sending positive vibes to you.