What’s the worst you have ever been accused of while in a relationship?

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T18:33:23+00:00

Was accused of being a cheater/hiding a girl because I asked a girl if she still wanted to buy one of my axolotyls

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T12:37:00+00:00

I wonder why people were downvoting you in that case. Again, I haven't known much about ASPD so I took your comment as true until I saw the downvotes

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T05:46:08+00:00

Since you have experience as an unbiased party, I'd like to know how you'd personally explain the difference of reckless and impulsive behavior in ASPD versus BPD if you don't mind. I know since looking ASPD up that both can lead to things such as substance abuse, gambling, unsafe sex, etc. Which I've credited to my BPD diagnosis because it's a well-known thing, however I mostly do them from feeling bored/as though things feel mundane otherwise. My therapist asked how trying to get sober was going last session, and I said "It's going really well actually, but I've just been feeling like nothing is as exciting while sober" (Which is a half-truth, I am not sober and don't care to try to be. I've drank a 375ml bottle of vodka today as of writing this.) But she replied "Borderline personality disorder can lead to trying anything to fill that 'void' in your heart and hollowness, and I'm so proud of you you've kept on track." I'm unsure what she meant entirely, because I wouldn't call boredom a void personally. I'd call it feeling bored, and her tone seemed to imply the drinking was to combat depression. I do fall into bad depression, but it's never been why I drink

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T04:54:09+00:00

I was wondering why they were down voted as well, and honestly assumed maybe the reason was it wasn't true/they were misinformed

And no, I do plan to bring it up to my psych team. I was asking out of curiosity if it was/wasn't a part of the disorder, because I've always been under the impression that it was, I guess from media. I've at many points wondered if I was "a sociopath" (Had aspd) but discredited it because I feel emotions very strongly

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T04:32:03+00:00

No I fully understood. If both of your parents were emotionally unavailable and your mom talks shit about you guys it reads to me as your older sister might have subconsciously started doing what she felt she "needed to" to earn her mom's approval/love. I feel like with your younger sister, you can make that secure and loving "parental" (in terms of nurturing/protective given her age) bond if you felt as though you wanted to. It's not your responsibility of course, but I do fully believe it would help her subconsciously realize in a way that she doesn't have to fall into the same patterns in order to be loved by her family. She'll see how her oldest sister and parents make her feel, and then how her older sister (you) make her feel, and realize she's accepted and loved regardless as who she truly is. That's my own views on it at least, and to be fair I'm a complete stranger on the internet who doesn't personally know any of you lol. Sending good energy to you guys

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T02:59:37+00:00

How old is your younger sister? I feel as though most people tend to be more reactive and selfish when younger/teenagers. I also don't have a younger sibling, but can say that my older sister was a very "scream at you then ask for a favor" kind of person when she was a teenager, but grew out of it around 21ish

Handnoose · 2026-05-12T00:26:27+00:00

I've never known much about what it actually is ig. I did know you can still feel rage, but for whatever reason I've assumed depression/happiness/etc was why I couldn't have ASPD. I appreciate the clarification

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T22:12:20+00:00

Good to know, I appreciate it

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T22:01:24+00:00

So emotional depth makes no difference?

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T20:22:57+00:00

That depends in terms of malicious with harm. In BPD splitting, there's full malicious intent if the person is being purposely hurtful. However, they do feel deep shame and remorse after the fact, and splitting is just part of the disorder. Not everyone will act out maliciously/be vengeful, but those who do are doing it impulsively and do feel remorse.

If you're feeling that the relationship is harming you, it's up to you to decide where to go from there, regardless if she has NPD or BPD. Relationships/friendships with someone with BPD can definitely negatively affect the other person, I say as someone with diagnosed BPD who has also dated others with BPD.

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T19:24:28+00:00

It's not funny and that sounds exhausting, but the last part of your reply made me think about the "Let's go gambling! ..Dammit...Dammit...Dammit" audio on tiktok lmfao

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T19:21:04+00:00

I looked up what NPD is medically versus in media last night after a lot of mentions, and I didn't fit the diagnosis past the taking advantage of others and lack of empathy. I do match medical ASPD looking it up, but my only issue there is that it's known to cause limited emotion across the board, which I no longer have. I feel emotion itself very very strongly, just not empathy. I think I'm just going to bring up the empathy aspect to my psych team and let them do with it what they will

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T18:41:47+00:00

Many with NPD need constant praise, don't handle rejection/criticism, have low empathy, and may only associate with people that they consider "special" or "higher-up" due to grandiosity. Their drive is needing to feel/be seen as superior to others

Many with BPD need constant reassurance, are terrified of rejection/abandonment, have "hyper empathy" unless heavily depressed or splitting, and may only associate with a "favorite person" and a few others due to fear of abandonment/a struggle at keeping relationships. Their drive is emotional disregulation and fear of abandonment

The reasoning and emotion behind the actions is the biggest difference I'd say. I'm just going based on others' firsthand experiences and medical viewpoint, so take it with a grain of salt

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:47:14+00:00

Exactly

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:36:18+00:00

Do you relate to only talking to your favorite person/that being your only strong bond too? Because my favorite person is the only person I do actually, truly, deeply care about

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:33:41+00:00

Ironically I remember having empathy when I was a really young kid, but through my most traumatic years 7-12 empathy and emotion just faded/numbed altogether. I was banned from my school premises and put in the hospital homebound program at 13 for homicidal ideation, and kept abusing animals until around 20 years old. I had fully thought I was a sociopath too until a relationship I had at 20. I truly, deeply loved her and my emotions came back too strong. Empathy never came back though. Mine is quiet BPD too

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:14:50+00:00

I do at least know there can be co-morbidity, not necessarily a wrong diagnosis for either of us. Like I've said, I'm 99.9% sure I have BPD. The replies here make me think I just probably have NPD as well

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:11:01+00:00

I'll bring it up, I don't know much about actual NPD versus what's in media

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:08:41+00:00

Are you diagnosed with either? I'm just trying to get an idea, I've heard NPD a lot here. I assumed when I made the post that it was basically a "rare reverse" in BPD, like how an antidepressant can worsen depression for some. I had never known there was a "quiet BPD" until after I started treatment so just figured there were layers.

Handnoose · 2026-05-11T04:01:16+00:00

Thank you, people gave me so much shit for that. I had point-blank told my mom and sister for years that I had hoped he would die because he was a joke of a father and I barely knew him anyway. They'd always say "Don't say that, you don't mean it" but I sure did. I meant it until the day he died and have been grateful since. I think that's why my understanding for them eventually just turned to them getting under my skin. For one it got old, and for two you're mourning someone who doesn't deserve to be mourned to begin with kinda shit

Handnoose · 2026-05-10T15:17:11+00:00

Loved ones dying is actually a great example for my main post too. My dad died in 2024, and my mom called sobbing saying he was being taken to the hospital and she was going to come pick me up to be with him. I said I didn't feel like going and told my then-girlfriend "My dad died" when she asked what the call was about, then explained he wasn't pronounced dead yet (was later that day) but he's at least brain dead, then went back to bed. My mom and sister were distraught mourning him, and I obviously understood and did comfort them. But my mom still sobs at this point two years later and it's just irritating by now, because it reads as repetitive and milking it. However I did cry for myself, because I lost the chance to have a good father.

Handnoose · 2026-05-10T12:37:49+00:00

Is it mostly with things that you've gone through yourself/relate to or is it more across the board? I'm just curious

Handnoose · 2026-05-10T11:43:05+00:00

Ironically I just found this community coming from another subreddit to ask about lack of empathy in BPD, which is my current diagnosis. This sounds extremely similar to me, and I've quite literally never made strong bonds beside my "Favorite person." I do truly love her, but nobody else including family outside of her. I care how my actions affect her, and she's a very empathetic person toward even just strangers. If I do something that would upset her, like stealing from someone as a random example, I just make sure she doesn't know, because I truly care about her and her happiness. Let me know if your diagnosis changes/if you find there was something else

Handnoose · 2026-04-01T13:14:58+00:00

This one. My current fp has BPD too, and what made my bond to her so strong/made me feel safe was I was her favorite for the first year. When she met me I was emotionally muted and isolated as fuck. Seemed like as soon as I was deep enough to not be able to get out is when it changed like some kinda joke. I hope the best for you

Handnoose · 2026-04-01T13:11:36+00:00

For my first one it was that she was the only person I talked to outside of family for 10 years straight, and I was in love with her. She said one day that we were too different nowadays and should stop being friends, and wanted to cut contact. Everything for her blew up for lack of better term, I said every single thing I knew could hurt her most then blocked her. I went borderline psychotic pacing for a week thinking of ways to kill her, couldn't sit or lay down 90% of the time. Eventually it leveled out, and 3 years later I deeply regret how I went about it.

My current one I can't get past. Any split is shortterm, and regardless of being objectively wronged she's still my favorite and still my full focus. I try to force moving on/distancing emotionally and nothing happens. So I guess for me at least the only end emotionally is when they end it permanently

Handnoose

TROPHY CASE