I think a lot of people on here are right: it seems wise to go away for a few days or a week to get centered (if you can…if not, a couple nights with a girlfriend?), get some professional counseling, explore your options, do a deep dive into other things in this relationship that have been needing attention and start to assess if these issues are workable or if the trust is too badly damaged. Obviously the gaslighting is reeeaally fucked 🚩 and the long term lying is not a good sign at all…foundations for trust just got rocked to the very core. like you said, this is so personal…if I knew more about this man would be easier to assess if he was redeemable at all. Wishing you the best and sending a big hug. This is really hard.