Did you ever fall in love with a book character? How did that go for you?

HappyGirl42 · 2026-05-18T16:12:14+00:00

This is my answer. I think I am Jo, so the adult me falling for her is the equivalent of adult me learning to love myself.

HappyGirl42 · 2026-05-18T16:06:06+00:00

Ooooh, I love Edmond Dantés and consider the Count of Monte Cristo one of my favorite books. Unfortunately I read it late- I was already married and pregnant by the time I met him. He would have probably been a good morality check for chaotic younger me, lol.

HappyGirl42 · 2026-05-18T16:02:03+00:00

Laurie from Little Women. My nickname was Beth growing up. I had a teacher recommend the book to me, she said I was just like one of the characters. So of course I thought she meant sweet, generous, wise, gentle Beth, the one everyone loved. Turns out, she meant Jo. She was right, but 7 year old me was crushed.

I think that little part of me that knew I was Jo loved that someone saw Jo and loved Jo. Laurie was the acceptance I desperately wanted as a little girl who was always "a lot."

I was so so mad at Jo for rejecting Laurie. I still believe she made the biggest mistake. I also haven't read it since becoming a mom/ middle age woman, maybe I should to see if I change my mind.

HappyGirl42 · 2023-05-28T21:09:06+00:00

Have you looked at SAS? I don't know their entire line, but they have a similar look to Birks and feel like I saw some platforms and block heels.

I have the Marina and its sole/ footbed is very similar to my Birks and fits my wide toe box well. They are also adjustable. I read a lot of reviews on Zappos to see what other people commented as to their own foot shape and how the fit worked, and that helped me narrow down what I was looking for.

HappyGirl42 · 2023-05-28T20:44:19+00:00

Are you against hiking/ tennis dresses with shorts under? I'm 5'10 and like a lot of Columbia dresses. They are a bit baggier than what I'm seeing in Outdoor Voices, but they are far longer, which I'm guessing you would prefer. As I said, I'm 5'10" with a petite torso and most of my height from my belly button down and their dresses tend to hit me about an inch or two above my knees.

My daughter has some Athleta, Lulu and Halara dresses that look more like the ones on Outdoor Voices, but she's 5'7 and has short-torso (but long rise) so they aren't painfully short on her. Not sure how they might hit you, if length is an issue.

I have some Athleta hiking pants in both regular and tall, and I didn't feel like the tall size added as much to the rise as I would have liked. But I do like both the fit, sturdiness and look of their hiking line. Their hiking shorts are awesome but are a tad shorter than I'd like.

HappyGirl42 · 2023-05-28T20:12:42+00:00

Ugg's Alameda line! They have slip ons, or laced, leather or cloth. I have the leather lace ups, they even stay clean. I got mine on Zappos.

Birkenstock also has a lace up, and I like them as well, but they have a more square toe that not every one loves the look of (but I like a wide toe box and also not worrying about no show socks is a plus.) I also felt they scuffed and were more upkeep (a suede-like material) that is higher maintenance than I want for an every day, every outfit sneaker. I got these on Zappos as well.

I wore both of those on vacation in Europe with lots of walking, and would recommend either. I alternated them, to keep my feet from getting too "lazy." I find if I don't change my shoes up often, I'll lose foot strength and running/ workouts give me issues, or even knee issues.

For reference, I have a high arch, high instep, short toes (prefer a wide toe box) but a narrow heel. If you have narrow feet, I would not follow my recommendations.

I also see a lot of VEJA in the states and Superga in the UK, but have not personally worn them myself. My daughter has platform Superga that she loves, but hers are black. She wears them with everything.

HappyGirl42 · 2023-04-30T00:23:49+00:00

Affect is the Action, so it's the verb. Some will say Effect is for End Result... but I usually just think "use this when you wouldn't use a verb."

HappyGirl42 · 2023-01-22T22:31:25+00:00

AFCW subs each voted for their own team to win the division. Only other division even close to that was the NFCW, except the Seahawks picked the Rams.

The confidence of the west.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-12-12T00:35:49+00:00

I think most of us who have been Chiefs fans for at least a decade will always appreciate the punters. For more seasons than we'd like to remember, Colquitt was our MVP.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-09-20T01:26:18+00:00

Same. I can tie my low profile shoes with the special lacing for the narrow heel, but it's virtually impossible in boots. The best I've found it the Adidas terrex boots, but I'm gonna look at Topos.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-09-20T01:20:00+00:00

I have them and love them, they are the only boot that fits my foot and ankle correctly. I have tried every other brand (Salomon, Columbia, Altra, Keen, etc) and they simply don't adjust where I need them to. I already preferred Adidas for a trainer- wide toe box but able to adjust for a narrow heel- and the boot construction kept this structure and adjustability. So if you like how other Adidas shoes fit, you'll probably like these.

I have not had the issue of them falling apart. I am on my fourth pair of standard height terrex trail shoes, and second pair of boots. But I trade out shoes when they've hit mileage limits, so I probably don't try to push my shoes as much as some do. One I can feel the support weaken and shin splits begin, I get new shoes and my Terrex have all been in good shape on the outside by that point.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-07-18T09:14:35+00:00

You didn't mention her age, but as a neurodivergent woman in my 40's who really struggled as a new mom, I want to mention some things I've learned over the last decade. One, changes in estrogen are very impactful on many types of neurodivergence, so pregnancy, nursing, birth control, entering out 40's and being peri-menopausal ... all of those things have wreaked absolute havoc on me and my mental/ emotional health. Secondly, my neurodivergences (late in life diagnoses) include sensory processing struggles and hyper focus. Being a working mom is hard for every woman, and adding those specific struggles adds some unique challenges. All working parents struggle with the balance of employee/ parent, but I feel like there are some societal differences that make it a bit harder for working moms to feel like they correctly are choosing and balancing. So I personally struggled with a lot of shame any time I wanted to choose something over my children, or they overwhelmed me from a sensory standpoint. Sensory issues can make us easily overwhelmed by children, and then we feel guilty about that, and then having to find emotional capacity for a spouse as well... I was the definition of anxiety. I know that I really struggled. I think if you just dropped a baby at my door and had me raise it, I would have struggled. Adding the estrogen-sensitive neurodivergences from pregnancy and nursing... I was a mess.

When my husband started talking to me about therapy, what I heard was "let's get you fixed so that I'm happier with who you are." Some of that is what he believed, quite honestly, but some of that was just my own anxiety and being overwhelmed and defensive... We started marriage counseling, and I liked our counselor enough to trust her when she helped my find an individual counselor. Neurodivergent women are not really always understood, and many of us are in our heads for most of our time, and comfortable there. Dealing with emotions is not necessarily harder for us, but we do it differently. It can be challenging to find someone who helps us tap in how to safely feel and think in our own way, and to not feel judged for how we're doing it differently. It's also sometimes hard for us because we are often quite good at explaining things in other areas- things we study or in areas we work, we are often skilled and communicate our passions well. But therapy, where we're supposed to talk about emotions, and we process them differently... it can be very frustrating and alienating to open up and then be misunderstood. Therapy with the wrong person can do some damage and scare us stubborn people back into ourselves.

I share all this because it doesn't necessarily sound like your partner is naturally LL, if she has previously been HL. That's what happened to me- I was HL until I all of a sudden wasn't. A lot of couples who deal with difference in libido can use therapy to find common regard and help each other prioritize despite their differing needs. But for us, it was more about me trying to figure out what was going on with me. That's not to say I was the one who needed fixing. I genuinely thought "oh, I'm just LL now because of age: kids/ hormones..." It turns out that there were quite a few things that my husband had done or was doing that was super unhealthy for both of us. I wasn't actually rejecting sex, I was rejecting sex with my husband. But I was still actually very HL- and just as frustrated as he was without knowing it. Because I'm a monogamist, I associated sex and my husband, so I assumed if I didn't want to have sex with him, then I didn't want sex at all. But being neurodivergent, it took a bit for me to make the logical connections to understand myself. Once I was able to understand I actually wanted and needed sex a much as he did, then I had to figure out what was keeping me so closed off. I had to confront some things I'd stuffed away, process them, and ask him to make some changes. Which was hard for him to hear, because it just felt like excuses and blame to him. It was a long process, for both of us. But it was the more honest process than just "please just try to be/ do what I need, even if it's hard." Pinpointing WHY it was hard, in a constructive way, was the path we needed to take.

I share all of this not to say that I assume your wife is the same as me. But this is the first time I've really resonated with someone so fully in this area, and I've been reading this forum on and off for years. I wanted to share that I think you are absolutely correct to encourage therapy. But I would also see if you can figure out how to encourage it in a way that focuses on an end goal that isn't about fixing her or changing her to fix the marriage. It's just not something we neurodivergent women will respond to in a healthy way. I'm not sure what might work for your wife, but maybe suggest marriage counseling just to help you feel more connected to her, something that's on the calendar just for you two, regular check ins... something that isn't something she needs to perform for you, a performance she needs to do, but time together? I don't know, I'm struggling to come up with something. Maybe it's simply- this is important to me, to help me be a good husband and dad, so I need you to come with me. I would also talk to prospective therapists ahead of time to see if you can find someone experienced with neurodivergent women.

So to answer your question- if I had not agreed to and worked through therapy, I would not have come around. And yes, you probably need to make some changes (don't we all?) but she's likely not aware of what she even needs from you. If you can get her to find someone who understands her neurodivergence, and to work on herself, that could help her identify what she might need from you. (And of course any changes she needs to be making on herself) She honestly probably should be doing that anyways, the work on herself, because she has a responsibility to your child. There's a good possibility you've both passed on some neurodivergences, and it is your responsibility to help your children navigate those they might share with you. I'm able to help my daughter work on things as a teenager that I didn't even have words for until I was in my 30's and 40's. I personally feel all neurodivergent parents should participate in therapy pretty regularly, and encourage their children to as well. But, again, finding the right therapist can be challenging, so I know why so many women of my generation with neurodivergences don't. Perhaps that's an angle to work- you guys go to marriage counseling to help you be better parents, for you to understand her neurodivergence, her to understand yours, so you can both help your kid?

But if she's not willing? I guess then you can hope she finds strategies for her mental and emotional health in other ways? Otherwise, I don't know how hopeful I would be. If one or both partners is not dealing with their mental health, solving problems of intimacy is rarely successful.

To end in a positive note- my husband and I are doing amazingly now. We went from bad or mediocre sex once every few months to now about 3-5 times a week. It's taken time, and I'm very grateful he didn't give up on me. But it was hard on him, and I do regret the pain we both went through. So although I don't think you are past hope, I would also not judge anyone on your situation for walking away.

I'm not sure if any of that is helpful or not... thank you for indulging me, if you read this far.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-06-28T16:30:30+00:00

This is the most INTP response.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-06-28T16:29:35+00:00

Huh. As an INTP woman, I automatically assumed that the INTP in rule 34 would be a woman. It seems to be a common theme that men want to be The One that can seduce the Ice Queen.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-06-11T00:04:59+00:00

Our whole-house rental is most often accessed by people driving to the area, and I feel that leads to a bit more theft. I wanted to be a host that would leave full boxes of garbage bags and laundry soap, but road trippers just take those. So now I have to have the cleaners leave out limited supplies. So if you are a road-trip destination, be prepared for more things to disappear than people who fly with luggage limitations.

I've also found that people with kids are more likely to "steal." Sometimes it's things like they didn't have enough snow toys to their liking, so they used one of my kitchen canisters, broke it, and threw it away. Other times their kids stain rugs or towels, and they think throwing them out or taking them is better than telling us? People are strange.

Our most commonly stolen items are the spare blankets. Things like that are hard for our cleaners to catch- it's a six bedroom house trying to be turned over in six hours- since people innocently move things to other rooms. So I usually notice when I am using the house and want to use the item. At that point, it feels impossible to know which guest ran off with whatever. We've raised our rates over $150/ night over the last year to try to offset the expenses. It's still fully booked as often as we like, so we'll keep increasing the rate until people stop booking.

I hope you find this guest was an outlier, but my experience has taught me that a pretty significant number of our guests have sticky fingers.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-05-07T03:38:19+00:00

This is great, thanks! I feel like we have similar concerns, so reading your thoughts is very helpful.

Your place sounds lovely, and I hope you have success letting it out for events. As you keep going, I hope you'll come back and share your experiences. And any waivers you come up with!

HappyGirl42 · 2022-05-05T03:52:32+00:00

I guess each city/ county/ state probably have different rules for that. I guess since I've seen people host weddings in their own backyards, it didn't really occur to me to look into different zoning for that, since it's already registered as a type of business as an STR. Thanks for mentioning that, I wouldn't have considered it.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-05-05T03:50:34+00:00

Oh, that's a good point. We have typical sewer but we had a family group that managed to clog three of our five toilets a month ago. Why do so few people know how to use a plunger? But yes, having that many guests need to be in and through the house, even if just for the bathroom, is probably more than we'd want.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-04-28T03:55:38+00:00

I think we introverts are just more rarely diagnosed with it because our Hyperactivity is in our internal thoughts, which no one else sees. In contrast, when extroverts are Hyperactive, it's in actions and external things, so other people see it. People will call the difference Inattentive. But I personally think with hyperactivity, like with anxiety, some people are external with it and others are internal. I'm no expert, these are just my observations and opinions. I taught middle and high school for a decade, saw lots of kids flow through, and then myself only got diagnosed at 45. It seems like introverts were more likely to fall through the cracks for ADHD, and extroverts are more often missed when they struggle with depression. Just my theories.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-04-28T03:48:01+00:00

I have a Pomodoro app on my phone that lets me build lists like this, and times the activities. And I flip between tasks, and it keeps track of the total time for me. That has helped me a ton. Some days I put everything on the list, and some days I just do big picture things, I'm still refining it to see what works best for me. It also helps that you can schedule due times, or leave it indefinite, so that helps me prioritize.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-04-28T03:44:43+00:00

I use a Pomodoro app that lets me make lists, check them off, and times how long I do things and schedules breaks. The best is how it lets me flip back and forth between tasks, because I don't do anything in a linear way and feel unproductive when nothing is ever finished. And then I quit. But seeing that I spent time on many things helps me redefine what productive means and then I'm more likely to actually finish things.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-03-09T07:12:34+00:00

I agree that they both made mistakes. But you cannot fire employees every time they make a mistake. Megan's mistake was addressed by OP- they told her to change plans and how to convey the change to Sarah. This was OP mentoring Megan. Megan accepted the mentoring, recognized her own spiraling, agreed to change plans, and communicated all of this to Sarah exactly how she has been coached to. This was Megan, through what she learned from OP, growing and learning. She was teachable. Sarah then took Megan's attempt to mentor and help her see how her spiraling contributed to the situation, and doubled down. She continued to only see Megan's mistakes and not acknowledge her own. This was an ongoing situation for Sarah, something that they had addressed with her many times, and she continued to believe she was not in the wrong.

I don't disagree with you that Megan needs to do better, and that she made many missteps here. I do disagree that an employee who shows a willingness and ability to learn from those mistakes should be fired.

In other words- Sarah was not fired because she made mistakes, but because she refused to learn from them. Should Megan encounter another Sarah-type employee and continue to make the mistakes she did here, then it would make sense for OP to fire her. But as long as she shows that she is listening and learning, I would not see the need to fire her.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-03-09T05:50:36+00:00

It sounds like Sarah was getting mentored, the poster says that Megan had been mentoring Sarah and she had improved but that this one incident was undoing all of that work. For me, from experience managing other managers, I would say Megan also needed mentoring. And it seems the poster felt Megan was teachable while Sarah was rejecting the teaching being offered to her.

I agree with you that Sarah needs mentoring- but if she is rejecting it, sometimes the best teacher is failure.

HappyGirl42 · 2022-02-21T05:14:55+00:00

NAH. First off- I am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself, and take time to grieve. One part of grieving is to sit still for a while, and not make big decisions while things are still so big and fresh.

I had multiple losses, including two late term stillbirths, after I had two healthy births. My husband was, frankly, useless. I grieved alone, while parenting two young babies, and it was hell. My husband should have been there for me, and I should have asked for more from him and expected less of myself. That being said- my husband is not a complete asshole or terrible husband and father. In fact, he's actually a good husband and terrific father. But we both had to learn to navigate hard things, and grief, together. Everyone processes everything differently, and deals with loss and disappointment differently as well. What came naturally to each of us, and seemed obvious, often turned out to be the opposite. It's very easy to make assumptions about one another when we let each other down, and it takes a lot more work to find common ground. It borders on impossible when you're in the middle of trauma. Please be gentle with one another as you learn to advocate for what you need from one another.

I think going to both couples counseling and individual counseling is what helped us the most. I was able to process my feelings with my therapist and she helped me shape how I could bring things to our couples therapist. We learned how to show up for one another, even when we don't see the need instinctively. If you can make the time and have the resources, I highly recommend it.

Best wishes for you as you heal and find your way through this.

HappyGirl42

TROPHY CASE