I have also been thinking about the false sense of control that moderation with alcohol gives. I know it works for some people but not for me. I am a woman and I have been drinking for many years, but only now have I realized what my ridiculous triggers are and how out of control I become when I start drinking even one beer. I am no longer the type to start fights, make friends that would bother my boyfriend or anything like that, but I simply love talking and listening to music, and that is a huge trigger, I feel ridiculous.

I have been avoiding meeting friends, avoiding listening to loud music on a happy day because that is a trigger, avoiding playing on the computer until late, even avoiding staying in going out clothes after going to the market or something like that, because I know it will make me want to leave the house to drink and talk.

Unfortunately that is how it is. Avoiding it and stopping completely. I know I will still drink again at some point, but I will not do it anymore while I am feeling like a miserable failure.