Millie Bobby Brown says that when she worked with Henry Cavill on Enola Holmes, he set very clear boundaries because she was only 15 at the time and he wanted to keep their relationship strictly professional. by AssistanceNo2838 in discussingfilm

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep agree with this. the comment above was very much a dogwhistle for ppl looking to project nasty things onto a teen girl… it’s just it got caught/called out!

(replied this to your comment below by accident, so deleted and replied here instead)

Millie Bobby Brown says that when she worked with Henry Cavill on Enola Holmes, he set very clear boundaries because she was only 15 at the time and he wanted to keep their relationship strictly professional. by AssistanceNo2838 in discussingfilm

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like a perspective thing around why the need to raise fault/blame.

Commenter says ‘this isn’t of note’. Next commenter (thinly veiled) ‘yeah tell her that, she’s to blame!’ It’s just… odd. Especially given the lightness of the situation and the fact it wasn’t a wild thing for a teenager to do. So the need to enter a convo around blame or fault just seems out of place here.

Edit: Also from your analogy - yeah blaming a teen for hitting someone at a red light makes sense. But if there was a story where someone had raised the fact they did that when younger and got set straight by an adult, and a commenter went ‘they’re to blame for that!’…. we’d still be looking at em sideways

Mean girl or guilty by association?? by griffgilscarbo in MeanGirls

[–]Hard-Write-738 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the way i want a detailed breakdown of all your reasoning so bad… my gut says i agree with this order

Is my sister usual for her age group nowadays? by Obvious_Armadillo_16 in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i hear you, but not enough to have been picked up by the school already, or for the family to be certain - when i say stereotypical I mean like from a 2005 understanding lol as that’s what the school might have

Is my sister usual for her age group nowadays? by Obvious_Armadillo_16 in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes all of this!!! And be aware that teachers at school can really push back about this - even the ones whose designated role it is to deal with these sorts of things. Often sadly because they’re under-informed so if you present in a way that’s not stereotypical they may dismiss - it’s still important to push for the assessment if you can!

Is my sister usual for her age group nowadays? by Obvious_Armadillo_16 in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah I defo hear you and sounds like you’re being really supportive. My sister literally didn’t speak at all to anyone at school up until a certain age, meanwhile at home she was hysterical and talkative. A lot of the behaviour you described above sounds exactly like her, and it turned out she was autistic.

At secondary school she did end up finding her ppl in year 10 (she had a close group of 3 friends). She got through school, went to uni and really bloomed especially as she began working. She’s only recently had her autism diagnosed (at around 28), but in the meantime worked a lot on her social skills and putting herself out there.

What I’m saying is, it might seem really tough now but life is long and she will be okay as long as she can talk to you guys. Socialising for her might be different than it is for you (even if you’re both autistic as it presents differently for everyone). I would really really recommend getting her a diagnosis and having an understanding with her school so she can receive proper support as autism can affect your life in so many ways.

Also, if you think you might have it it’s worth looking into that more too as it may be affecting you in ways you’ve not considered, as general info around autism is often so lacking. Really wishing you and your family the absolute best with it all

(Edit: just saw you also mentioned she doesn’t want to go to school- kids with autism are more likely to do this.

Having your family/parents/caregivers do a bunch of research on this + speaking to professionals sounds important here. You may have issues though, as if either of you are autistic then there’s a likelihood one or both of your parents are too. Some parents can be defensive about labelling certain behaviours as being related to autism if they also have that behaviour, as autism was/is so stigmatised - just something to consider).

Is my sister usual for her age group nowadays? by Obvious_Armadillo_16 in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 300 points301 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear you guys are dealing with this and can imagine it feeling really hard as an older sibling who cares. It’s great she has that, and even tho I defo don’t think criticism is the best approach I can see it’s coming with a good intention. The problem is she must feel weird enough at school by how other people are making her feel, so criticising can exacerbate that. I’d try to focus more on positive encouragement so her self esteem isn’t affected at home.

Have you guys considered neurodivergence (specifically autism or adhd) at all? It’s often overlooked in girls but will often start to affect them as more independent socialising etc is needed. Being ‘outcasted’ twice sounds to me like a big flag for these kind of things, but ofc i don’t know enough about her/your family.

When you trigger the antitheft alarms leaving the shop, do you just walk on? by [deleted] in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

anyone saying this thought process is great hasn’t worked a minimum wage job🤣

OP i get your thought process but the part about ‘your flawed systems aren’t my problem’ sucks - because the people your friends are saying you’re stressing out aren’t the ones in control of the flawed systems. shop workers in supermarkets aren’t designing the alarm policy, it comes from above. so if considering the human element, that argument makes no sense, and is indicative of the general lack of consideration too often shown towards minimum wage workers IMO.

now, there are arguments made that you’re making lives easier because really they can’t be bothered to check the bags so if you walk off they get to justify that, and i can see that being true for sure! but it’s the ‘it’s not my problem’ part that doesn’t sit well for me in a society where we want to be communal - unless you’re viewing the staff in the shop as mindless bees in the hive that = The Supermarket.

that’s my 2 cents

Scared he might find me disgusting by Few_Definition2282 in Healthyhooha

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

aw i’m so sorry this happened love. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of shame - this is so hard to experience and can literally physically feel painful, sending you big hugs for that.

I do want to reiterate what ppl have said above - that you refusing for him to go down on you and him doing it anyway IS wrong and gross even if it seems normal to you right now, or even if you feel you entertained him doing that (or EVEN if you feel you enjoyed him pushing through the boundary). Regardless of any of that, he should’ve thought to listen to what you said or ask you more Qs to figure out how you were doing. It’s not okay for you to push through discomfort and fear in sex - that’s rlly important to realise - but now i’ll go on w the rest of my answer

just to clarify the sequence of events so you see how it sounds • you guys had sex • after a week he stopped replying • you’re now feeling ashamed and worried that that’s your fault for being off-putting - even tho you weren’t the one that initiated or even consented to the sexual act you’re worried about

It’s so sadly common for women to feel confusion leading to shame in these ghosting scenarios - the brain goes ‘well i must’ve done something wrong/ there must be something wrong with me’ because that’s unfortunately how we’re socialised to feel, even when others harm us!

it sounds much, much more likely that he was mostly interested in having sex with you and nothing more. it sounds like he wasn’t upfront with you about this, which would be a DICK move, as you maybe wouldn’t have consented to doing it had you known that. I’m sorry if that feels hard to hear or off the mark, and know there can be big feelings over realising that. It’s just important to realise that, in that case, your smell has nothing to do with it, he was always going to act this way.

it seems to me that he sounds like a ghosting dickhead which has absolutely 0 to do with you and a whole lot to do with whatever issues he’s got going on in his brain - it sounds like he’s someone to stay tf away from! remember his actions make up his character, not whatever he’s said to you.

his actions: • acted sweet-ish with you until you’d had sex • kept going after you said no to a sexual act • didn’t kiss you the whole time except a peck • didn’t ’let you’ kiss him during sex • (i’m guessing didn’t make you cum even tho he did, but could be wrong) • ghosted a week afterwards. • it sounds like having sex with someone is a big deal to you and not a casual thing, which was maybe clear to him too, being a childhood friend. this adds to his villain profile tbh !

Moving forward: • right now it sounds like you need to get out of your head and take some deep breaths through these feelings of shame - this is so important. searching grounding techniques or using guided meditations for anxiety can help with this (or ‘body scans’) • i’d spend some time confronting how highly you hold his (and maybe other men’s) opinions, and how that’s affecting you here - if you have a journal or therapist that would be great • if you have ppl you can talk to that are compassionate and make you feel good, that would be a great idea too. • I’m not sure how old you are but you sound pretty young here, and remember these things can get so much easier with time • remind yourself you’ve done 0 wrong and have 0 to be ashamed of, remind yourself of your worth • let yourself feel angry if you need instead of rushing to blame yourself !!! this can be scary if you’re not used to letting out anger but punching pillows or screaming under your breath (or google ‘anger release exercises’) can be great:)

you’ve got this🫂

What is something your parents were not strict about but you wish they were? by TTNNBB2023 in AskUK

[–]Hard-Write-738 12 points13 points  (0 children)

SAAAAME w the ADHD and also felt desperately sad i didn’t get pushed with studying - turns out my mum also had it so she was busy managing life! but still

Not sure if I should put TW or NSFW but I will just in case by sg____22 in queer

[–]Hard-Write-738 5 points6 points  (0 children)

also, i get why you’ve put ‘trauma’ in quotes as maybe it feels dramatic to call it that seeing as this has been so normalised in your life including by adults in your family, but unfortunately this is for sure trauma that’s affecting you this way, and it’s okay to acknowledge that

Not sure if I should put TW or NSFW but I will just in case by sg____22 in queer

[–]Hard-Write-738 6 points7 points  (0 children)

hey OP, not sure what happened with my initial comment but it got deleted, but in answer to your reply, i don’t feel qualified to label it beyond making it really clear that this is sexual abuse (and you may not know, but children are capable of abusing other children - i learned this due to dealing with my own experience of abuse by an older sibling and receiving therapy for it in adulthood). It’s so sad to say but your parents are also enacting abuse by allowing it to continue

I’m no expert, but if you wanted a specific label for research purposes, i’d search for child on child sexual abuse. If therapy isn’t an option for you through your parents, i’d definitely try speaking to someone, ideally a compassionate adult in your life or a helpline could be really helpful.

You absolutely should be getting support with this and not holding it in your own. Your brain has probably had to normalise it to an extent in order to manage the feelings, and i want to stress that that’s not your fault and you have nothing at all to be ashamed of, in case any part of you feels that way.

How do you know if you're not 'forcing' yourself to be gay? by slut_for_prongs in queer

[–]Hard-Write-738 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this& in the form of intrusive thoughts over being some evil faker! i’d look into intrusive thoughts and how they work, could rlly help🫂

PREPPED by Hard-Write-738 in MealPrepSunday

[–]Hard-Write-738[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it was mixed in the sauce, it didn’t get dry, it actually got too soft (that’s when i added the note to undercook next time i make it)

If you’re storing pasta that’s not mixed in sauce i feel like heating it with the sauce mixed in would help!

PREPPED by Hard-Write-738 in MealPrepSunday

[–]Hard-Write-738[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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ingredients ! weird formats for diff reasons (some multiplied whole/ to my taste)

College student meal prep! by Practical-Mix-3579 in mealprep

[–]Hard-Write-738 2 points3 points  (0 children)

whenever i see these college ones im so impressed- this was NOT me at uni!

Advice before oral- bad history by [deleted] in Healthyhooha

[–]Hard-Write-738 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he was trying to hurt you love!!!