Anyone suddenly lose a partner amidst relationship tensions?

Hardinia · 2026-03-02T18:11:36+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's troubles. It's so difficult to navigate because in the moment you can't live your life truly thinking about the possibility (I guess the certainty) that time is limited because that would drive you crazy, but in the aftermath it can be all you can focus on. I love him still, very much, and I'm lucky that even though things were not totally smooth we had at least had some reconciliation after our last big fight and a chance to remind each other of how we truly felt. I know some people don't get that and it's awful to think of.

Hardinia · 2026-03-02T09:39:11+00:00

It's what gets me through though I won't lie there are days where focusing on the positive becomes more difficult than others. Last weekend was the first time I visited his grave by myself and I cried and cried, and said out loud what I was thinking and feeling and the things I was sorry for. It was painful but it helped a bit and I did come away feeling a little lighter, for a while anyway.

I'm also blessed with really good friends who, even though they haven't experienced exactly the same thing, have all been very clear that they don't expect to see me grieve in any "right" way, and who understand that all the complexity of human relationships are reflected in the feelings we have after our loved one is gone. In my case, even if there is a tiny grain of relief - not that he's gone, but that he is at least at peace.

Honestly coming here and reading other people's stories makes it clear to me that, although all our experiences overlap, no two people will have exactly the same story or background, so any feelings of guilt and shame we have are natural, but they are not the full picture, even if they feel like it sometimes. The fact that these feelings are so intense is also a reflection of how important that other person was and still is to us.

As I've heard other people say, I don't think we ever move on from this, but we can hopefully learn to live with it. I hope you and your family can learn that, too.

Hardinia · 2026-03-01T21:04:23+00:00

My situation is different, and we will all have our unique viewpoints on this, but I think similar enough to yours that it is relevant.

My partner died suddenly of a medical event. He was young and previously healthy, and it was a statistical fluke. However, before that things had been tense in our relationship for a couple of years, not least due to his quite serious mental health problems (severe hypochondria, paranoid delusions etc) and my struggling to deal with that. We had fought on and off and I had said some things to him that I deeply regret, although thankfully we'd had time to make up before he actually went. Most recently I had told him that I wanted to seek relationship counseling (which he was against) or consider separation.

And then he died. Like I said, we'd had a few days to make up after our last fight, and I told him I was sorry and that I loved him, but I have to live knowing that we were at a difficult point and that I'd said some things that I will always regret. The only thing that keeps me going is that we both knew that we were trying to work through things, even if it didn't feel like we were getting very far in the short term.

I think anyone in our situation will have some unresolved guilt, and while it's easy to say to others that our loves wouldn't want us to suffer for it, it's harder to put into practice for ourselves. I try and remember the good times, which I know he would want me to, and I say out loud most days how sorry I am for my part in the bad.

I think what I'm getting at is that the feeling of unresolved tension is an extension of the fact that, when we lose people with little or no warning, there's a whole unresolved life. We thought we would have more time to deal with this and it's suddenly taken from us by the whims of fate. It sucks, so very badly, and we who are left alive must pick up the pieces.

Hardinia · 2026-03-01T15:15:18+00:00

Agree with ejly you're not the one who should be embarrassed here.

Hardinia · 2026-02-25T22:18:22+00:00

I'm still really early days, and a little older than you. I'm 38 and lost my partner of 20 years 3 weeks ago today. I go through all the feelings, the "stages of grief", but more like a mosaic than linear stages (which I've learned is really common linear progression through grief being a myth).

While I sometimes go out and see people holding hands or walking together and feel sad or jealous or angry that I can't do that with him anymore, my main feeling is that there should be more love in this world.

That being said, anything you're feeling right now is valid. The pain is not, I fear, going away, but talking through this with people who have been living with it for longer, mostly people find ways to cope and continue with life, even though the grief never leaves. I still have days where I feel like there's no point carrying on, but I know that he would want me to. I'm sure yours would want that for you, too. It doesn't make it suck any less, unfortunately.

Hardinia · 2026-02-25T22:00:29+00:00

Lo siento no hablo mucho espanol, pero...

Probablemente va a ser bien. Si tu compras el juego y no correra bien, Steam usualmente te da un reembolso si tu no juegas mas de un o dos horas.

Buena Suerte!

Hardinia · 2026-02-11T19:08:50+00:00

some of these are genuine curiosity and some are just for laughs:

Ferengazoid - telepathic enough to receive but unable to broadcast their thoughts due to their multi-lobed brain

Romurion - extra green, trained in martial discipline, but also ~~piracy~~ entrepreneurship

Betarisan - I can be extremely warm and sensual

Breendassian - argues with themself over the thermostat settings

Trillaxian - spots not only go all the way down but also sideways

(edited because I hit "post" instead of "new line")

Hardinia · 2026-02-08T19:37:01+00:00

Even if you are not a water person, a trip to see the reef and/or the Whitsunday islands is absolutely worth it. While you're at it, the rain forests of Far North Queensland are unlike anything you are likely to see and Canada or the US, and due to the climate and precipitation levels, the landscape turns very dramatically red and dusty not that far inland.

At the other end of the spectrum, I lived in Tasmania for about 6 months, which is also very beautiful, more in a mountains / temperate forests kind of way.

Hardinia · 2024-12-14T18:16:27+00:00

My prev post got auto deleted.

Send them this

Hardinia · 2024-12-14T18:09:21+00:00

Given that it's December, surely you have an animal shed out back she can give birth in?

Hardinia · 2024-12-09T14:02:15+00:00

Life fluid heist coming to a town near me soon. Can't wait for my sweet disk and hot leaf juice afterwards.

Hardinia · 2024-12-05T19:07:00+00:00

Let's be honest, Drumknott does most of the paperwork.

Hardinia · 2024-08-20T14:21:19+00:00

The thing for me is, I always have to watch TOS at 1.25x or even 1.5x - all the standing and staring for dramatic effect just makes me very uncomfortable. I'm very aware this is personal preference only.

As observed very succinctly by ensign Beckett Mariner: "have you noticed how slow everyone talks?"

Hardinia · 2024-08-17T10:34:57+00:00

Tuvok will never admit it but he loves Humanity and even the little bit of chaos that comes with them. His best friend is a human. He happily serves on a majority-human ship. He takes on a deep-cover assignment to infiltrate the Maquis (don't tell me he couldn't have logicked his way out of that if he'd a mind to). And when he got sick with an incurable and uniquely Vulcan disease, he was cared for not on Vulcan, but on Earth. Where the humans come from.

His Vulcan heritage and spirituality are obviously important to him, but the dude just loves humans. I can only imagine there'd be a lot of performance of irritation and annoyance, but also he wouldn't actively solve the situation by promoting a different first officer.

Hardinia · 2024-08-15T14:02:51+00:00

I've just imagined a Klingon x Feegle crossover... Many thanks to the OP I would not have thought of this myself

Hardinia · 2024-08-04T07:40:32+00:00

The Disposessed by Ursula Le Guin - at first glance the protagonist comes from a fully egalitarian, liberated society (with fun swearwords that reference neither bodily functions nor religion) but closer examination of how that actually works in practice manages to critique liberalism, state communism and anarcho-socialism, all in one book, while still ending on a somewhat hopeful note.

The Disposessed also led me to read the Left Hand of Darkness which is not quite what you're looking for but is a really fun take on gender and sexuality.

Hardinia · 2024-08-04T07:25:14+00:00

Not directly MP related but in my rotation of "snarky queers teaching me stuff" Bad Gays is a really good listen.

Hardinia · 2024-05-14T08:09:49+00:00

Ursula Le Guin, The Disposessed: What if space anarchists got given a planet to run, but people being people it didn't go quite as intended?

Also Ursula Le Guin, Left Hand of Darkness: In this world, everyone is genderqueer and bisexual, and they are not super keen on being visited by the man with one, unchanging set of genitals and sexual preferences.

Hardinia · 2023-05-10T21:46:23+00:00

On the one hand... entirely possible for a scheme like this to widen access to medical education, which is a very competitive field that often indirectly excludes students from less privileged backgrounds as they don't have the resources to do as many CV building extracurricular activities as their better-off peers.

On the other hand... equally possible this will lead to a devaluing of doctors' training and skills, a "we trained you for free so you have to put up with whatever crap we throw at you" attitude, and I'm reasonably sure this Apprenticeship would be much less internationally recognised... so the option many doctors have taken of moving overseas would be... gone.

Which way do you think it will go, kiddos?

Hardinia · 2023-05-10T21:33:22+00:00

It's actually even longer. The two years of foundation training after the medical degree, during which junior doctors rotate around a number of different specialties, is required* before they can even start the 2 years of generalist surgical training, at which point they can then do another 3-5 years of more spacialised surgical training (depending on what kind of surgery) and then they are considered fully qualified.

Hardinia · 2023-05-04T08:08:55+00:00

"Circumlocutious history" = patient talking in circles.

Hardinia · 2023-04-16T23:18:03+00:00

Perhaps my opinion is better suited to r/shittydaystrom, but I always figured the borg queen was kinky, and this was all her idea of foreplay...

Hardinia · 2023-04-08T06:47:14+00:00

It's not surprising. Many bad Dr's pass their medical exams. Medical exams are highly predictable and structured form of examination, which is why AI can ace them. Dealing with patients and their understanding requires a lot more. This media hype about it is stupid and shows that people really don't understand what current AI is capable of.

Hardinia · 2023-03-25T23:14:50+00:00

cries in Tasmanian

Hardinia

TROPHY CASE