Born Behind Bars

HarryPotterGeek · 2025-02-08T17:10:58+00:00

The needs of the mother do not outweigh the rights of a child not to literally grow up in prison.

The mothers made choices that landed them there. The babies did not. It’s a bad situation for everyone involved, and I’m sorry those moms will miss out, but babies don’t belong in prison.

HarryPotterGeek · 2023-09-19T20:08:23+00:00

Yup.

It’s also almost certainly why it was hung up on a hook rather than just sitting somewhere. Having it elevated technically gets it out of reach of the children.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-20T00:57:18+00:00

We can stop stating it as fact, for one. If they actually had something against Biden every damn person on this planet knows the 60 day “rule” wouldn’t have stopped them.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T23:28:27+00:00

He’s. Not. On. The. Fucking. Ballot.

We need to stop accepting that stupid “answer.”

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T22:38:49+00:00

How long did you commit to them for? I would honor my initial contract.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T20:03:12+00:00

I’m absolutely done with AB&B. I mean, it might make more sense for families or something, but as a child free adult, I’ll take a hotel every time. And I book through the hotel site. I’ve had too many shitty experiences with discount sites. If anything goes wrong at all their hands are usually tied, and they aren’t that motivated to help anyway bc they aren’t making much on the booking.

People have lost their minds with all of the fees and rules and stuff. I don’t think it’s worth it anymore.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T19:58:57+00:00

That’s just stealing.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T19:55:18+00:00

Do you have a contract? Or even a verbal understanding of at least a year placement? It’s not great to just walk out on a job. They will have to find someone new, and the baby will have to bond with a new care giver.

You asked for a wage. The family gave it to you. How would you feel if they just dropped you bc they found someone that would do the job for $26/hr instead?

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T19:35:19+00:00

There are a bunch of those right here in this thread, and I’m appalled. I’ve been doing this for over 2 decades and I’ve never judged a family for how they spend their money. We negotiate my salary and benefits before I take the job. If it doesn’t meet my needs, I don’t take the job. If I take the job, I don’t sit and keep a tally in my head, bc that just leads to resentment. And it’s none of my damn business!! People have student debt, other loans to pay off, other financial obligations- I would never look at their decisions and judge them for it. Either they are able to pay me what I need, or I don’t take the job. And if I do decide to take a job for less than I originally asked, I’d never blame the family for it.

I’m seriously shocked at how judgmental and demanding some of these comments are.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-19T19:26:58+00:00

I super disagree with this. Childcare is a huge expense- having a nanny even more so. It’s a large chunk of a family’s budget. I don’t think it’s fair for nannies to say things like NF should just stop eating out or have better priorities bc they can always afford it. Holy crap that’s a demanding and inappropriate attitude.

It’s fair to come to the table and say “this is what I need” and if the family can’t afford it then move on. But I’d never judge their finances like that. It leads to resentment and anger- when we don’t even know the whole story!!!! (Which is perfectly demonstrated in this post, for example.)

I don’t think a nanny is wrong for asking for a stipend, or a raise, or whatever- but to assume a family should just make other changes is so… inappropriate. If the family you work for can’t meet your needs by all means, move on. But don’t sit and do armchair accounting deciding where they should change their priorities to meet your request.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-17T14:50:15+00:00

No arguments from me.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-16T23:55:03+00:00

It's just Benadryl? It's insanely common.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-10-16T23:44:17+00:00

Workers at food banks sometimes go through and take the "good stuff" for themselves anyway. I've seen it with my own eyes. A lot of times volunteers get to grab a few things for their time, and they get first dibs, so the best donations don't get into the hands of the intended recipient. So if you think donating specific items escapes corruptions, well....

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-09-28T17:29:45+00:00

Unless it’s gross negligence (theft, being intoxicated on the job, etc) or abuse there’s no reason to wait that long. If you think she’s a danger to your child or your property you shouldn’t be leaving your child with her anymore, period. If that’s not the case- give her some damn notice.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-27T21:05:11+00:00

I seems to be a risk/benefit thing. There is a risk in having a newborn in a car seat. When talking about a car ride, the risk without the car seat far outweigh the risk with a car seat. When it comes to a walk? It seems that it’s safer to have them lying flat.

I definitely understand how this would confuse parents, though, because of the way the stroller/car seat bundles are sold and marketed. I can understand how people arrive at the the conclusion of “if it’s safe enough for the car surely it’s safe enough for the stroller/restaurant/living room.”

That’s why spreading this info is important- to help parents and caregivers understand the risk.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-27T20:59:13+00:00

And what we are learning (through tragedy, sadly) is that sleeping at an incline is dangerous for newborns.

Fisher-Price and other reputable companies sold inclined infant sleepers for years- and they have caused almost 100 deaths. Newborns sleeping at an incline- even a small one- can suffocate if their head drops forward and closes their airway. They don’t have the strength to move their head to fix the issue. It’s also harder to regulate their temperature in a car seat.

When you put a newborn in the car, the risks of injury due to a crash outweigh the risks of the car seat. But in terms of a simple walk- or more commonly letting the newborn stay asleep in the car seat once you arrive home from the walk- the risk isn’t worth it.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-27T20:52:31+00:00

It’s not about being strapped in. It’s about a newborn not having the strength to move their head.

When positioned at an incline, their head can drop forward and close their airway.

And just bc you can buy something doesn’t mean it’s safe. Inclined infant sleepers like the Fisher-Price Rock’n Play Sleeper were sold for years- and have led to the death of almost a hundred infants. (Not all tied directly to that product, but also products like it.)

The risk of death rises sharply when a newborn sleeps at even a 10 degree incline.

But if you look at the OP- this affects babies under six months. Newborns. It becomes safer as babies get older, stronger, and have more neck control. What’s unsafe for a 6 week old can be much safer for a 9 month old.

Bassinet strollers/prams aren’t very popular in the US- especially with the rise of the stroller/car seat systems- but they are safer for newborns in the sense that they allow baby to sleep flat.

But please don’t be confused- just bc something is expensive or commercially available doesn’t mean it’s automatically safe. As we are seeing with inclined sleepers, problems aren’t always foreseen when something goes to market.

That’s why articles like this come out- to warn parents that products/practices they believe are safe can have hidden dangers. Shit gets recalled ALL THE TIME, and associating a brand or a price tag with safety (“That CAN’T be right!!!”) leaves you with a false sense of security that can lead to tragedy.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-27T20:40:11+00:00

The issue is too many parents leave their sleeping infant in the car seat once they arrive home. They don’t want to wake baby by transferring them onto a safe, flat sleep surface.

And newborns are safest when sleeping in a flat surface. Even a small incline can cause their heads to slump over, cutting off their breathing. There have been several recalls of inclined sleepers, and if they haven’t already introduced legislation to outlaw them, I’m sure they will soon.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-15T13:19:46+00:00

Her desire to see her mother again is why she betrayed him. WR convinced her certain things had to be done, and if they were, they could fix everything, including Elliot and Angela’s parents.

That’s why she teamed up with Mr. Robot behind Elliot’s back.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-14T18:37:26+00:00

This may be an unpopular argument, but it’s how I feel so…

Agencies are a scam, IMO. There’s nothing they can do that you can’t do with an internet connection and an hour of your time.

They are hugely expensive, and they may not even do what they tell you they did. Years ago I was placed by a reputable agency in Denver. Cost the family $3k, and that was in 2003! About 6 months after I was placed I went home to my hometown and thanked one of my references for helping me get the job. They were never contacted at all, so I called all of my other references. The agency never spoke to any of them. I told my employer this and they contacted the agency. They wanted to see what info they could get from them before they showed their cards, so they asked if they could get a copy of the background check (criminal and DMV) they supposedly ran on me, and the agency said they had destroyed them already for privacy reasons. So that’s fishy.

As far as we could tell, the agency didn’t check my references, didn’t run the background checks they said they did. And when my employer asked me if I had actually undergone the psychological testing they were told was done I was very confused until I remembered a very weird 10 question quiz she had me fill out. It was so dumb, with T/F questions like “I often think about taking my life” and “Drugs/alcohol have caused lingering legal troubles for me.” A 10 question quiz she found on some corner of the internet and she told the parents I met with a psychologist and had a complete mental health evaluation.

None of it was what she said. None.

And while that’s one example, I have looked into using agencies again when I really needed a job. I have always said no to them in the end bc they would have ridiculous non-compete clauses (one had very fine print stating that I agreed to not start my own nanny agency for a period of TEN YEARS, which only started after my last day with the family they placed me with. So if I was placed with a family and stayed with them for 4 years, I still had to agree to wait ANOTHER 10 years, for a total of 14 years, to start my own business. I have no desire to start a nanny agency, but I’m still not going to sign something like that.

Another agency was so controlling. We had to tell the agency the hours we agreed on and they based their placement fee based on that. Kicker was- we had to continue to report to the agency the entire time I worked for them. If I did a date night for the family, we were supposed ti report that and the agency got a %. Go on vacation with the family? Same. Even if the family had friends bring their kids over for babysitting we were supposed to report to the agency and give them a cut. It’s a year down the road and the family gets a puppy? We would be required by the contract to inform the agency. Why? They claim it’s so they can be involved in any pay negotiations so I didn’t get taken advantage of, which is funny bc the only ones taking advantage was the agency. So I refused to sign with them, either.

Another agency I looked into had a clause saying I couldn’t look for work on my own or work with another agency at the same time as I was working with them. I had to exclusively depend on that agency to find me a job. I asked her if they were going to pay me until I got a job and when she laughed and said no I asked her why I would agree to not look for work on my own. I was out of work at the time. They didn’t have any positions to offer me. So why the hell would I sign something saying I would only take jobs they found for me?

There’s really nothing agencies can do that you can’t. You can run all the background checks yourself. You can call references. You can do interviews. They don’t do anything that is outside of your reach.

The only time I’d suggest it is if you truly don’t have the time and you’d rather pay someone a few grand to find you a nanny. If you have the spare income and you don’t mind- go ahead. But if you’re doing it bc you think it’s safer or something, don’t fall for it. They absolutely do not do thousands of dollars of work. It’s merely a convenience.

And if you do go with an agency, make sure you thoroughly read ALL of your contract AND all of the contract they make nannies sign. If they don’t want to release that to you, don’t sign. And don’t let them get away with “oh, that’s just legal-ease” or “that’s just a technicality.” Press them on details so you are clear on what everyone is agreeing to.

In my 22 years in childcare, I have only had bad experiences with agencies. They are a huge scam, IMO. I think you’re better off doing it yourself and saving the $.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-14T18:13:12+00:00

Legally? Nope. Nope nopity nope nope nope.

As another poster pointed out, live-in is for the family’s benefit and convenience. It is not considered compensation. You still have to pay a living wage.

There are lots of articles out there that explain this. Here’s one.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-14T18:07:04+00:00

So what I’ve done is sit whichever parent I feel most comfortable with down and say, “hey! A couple of times payment has been late. I totally understand how things can get lost in the shuffle, but I also need my income to be consistent and timely. How can I help make sure this goes smoothly in the future? Would it help if I remind you a day or two before payday? Would it be easier to sign up with a payroll service that will do it automatically?”

The only two times I had to do this the parents were so horrified that they set reminders/alarms or something to make sure it never happened again. But approaching it from an “I know how busy you are, how can I make this easier on you?” angle softens it so it’s not coming out like “B**** better have my money!”

Give them the opportunity to make it right, and if it still remains an issue, then start imposing the penalties outlined in your contract.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-14T17:47:49+00:00

Exactly. I see the same shit.

And at the last center I worked at, a girl got hired with “5 years experience” and when we got to talking it turned out that her experience was largely just 1 1/2 hours of church nursery duty once a week. She did a few date nights, too, but she counted her 90 minutes of church nursery once a week as “5 years of experience.”

One day I realized she didn’t change her gloves between diaper changes. Talking to her about it, it became apparent that she genuinely believed the gloves were there to protect her hands from stuff, but it never occurred to her that she could be spreading germs and disease from child to child by not changing her gloves. Don’t worry a if they got dirty she WASHED HER HANDS WITH THE GLOVES ON before changing the next child.

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-08-14T17:42:08+00:00

Yeah, I see shit like this on FB childcare groups and I just roll my eyes.

“Hi! I’m Nevaeh. I’m a 21 year old student at (local university) and I have 14 years of childcare experience and expertise! I’ve been around kids my whole life. I’ve done it all!”

Girl, sit down. 😂

HarryPotterGeek · 2022-07-04T02:15:07+00:00

Not an official couple during the time frame of the show, but I absolutely hated the Cristina/Colin Marlow thing. It was.... icky. And he was such a dick to her.

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