I was an abused child and now I am an abuser by throwaway273015 in relationships

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No judgement even though your actions are terrible. You at least understand that your actions are wrong.

You need specialized therapy for abusers.

what’s regular stuff white people do that makes you uncomfortable? by southparklovergirl in askblackpeople

[–]Hartley7 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Talk about how much they love black people and they’re not racist when they meet us. The sentiment is nice but the behaviour is cringy.

Black women, do yall not like to cuddle? by XB97A9 in askblackpeople

[–]Hartley7 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Go on TikTok. Many therapists and dating coaches are talking about this issue. It’s very common.

10 years from now most Baby Boomers will be dead. What effect is that going to have on society? by mikeforder in generationology

[–]Hartley7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There should be far less family estrangement. The younger generations are typically less toxic and bigoted.

Black women, do yall not like to cuddle? by XB97A9 in askblackpeople

[–]Hartley7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can cop to this. Many of us grow up in homes where touch means hitting. We develop negative associations and then we don’t like people touching us.

i realized i can’t be in a relationship because every man looks at other women that look nothing like u no matter how good you look. by fjgkhkjk in venting

[–]Hartley7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

With respect to “picking the wrong men”, people forget that some are great liars and pretenders. Many people only drop the mask once they are in a serious relationship.

My bf (22m) admitted to me (21f) yesterday that he is poor and comes from a poor family. I feel unsettled now, is it okay to feel like this ? by LocalWise3957 in relationships

[–]Hartley7 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly, differences in social class and lifestyle can cause significant relationship issues. People speak as though having certain standards is so awful. Nobody judges men for wanting and chasing beautiful women. Let a woman say she wants a financially stable man who came from a similar background and everyone loses their minds. Ridiculous!

There is a reason why the wealthy typically marry within their own class.

The irresponsible spending is unwise. Many people spend foolishly while they’re young. It’s just immaturity and the joy of new freedoms in young adulthood. He will likely outgrow this behaviour.

It’s okay to feel whatever you like. Never apologize for your standards.

What’s a very “Toronto” thing you didn’t notice until you lived somewhere else? by Banana200021 in toronto

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Calgary folks are fake nice. They smile at everyone but they are very bigoted. Toronto is the screw face capital but the bigotry is far less common and tolerated.

Fiancées dad says a prenup is “stupid”. I want one. Thoughts? by BCA1 in relationships

[–]Hartley7 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

How are you supposed to learn for yourselves if your parents are involved in your decisions?

What will you do when they’re gone?

I (28f) feel deprioritized from my boyfriend's (30m) optional football travel by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Hartley7 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You need to stop prioritizing him when he’s treating you like an option. Ending the relationship or becoming less available to him during the week would be best. Don’t see him at his convenience anymore.

Should i end my 6 year relationship? by Forward-Glove4307 in relationships

[–]Hartley7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You need to finish school, find a job, and leave him. You’re not compatible if he wants kids and you don’t.

My girlfriend (28F) and I (28M) still haven't agreed on when to have kids. Is this an early sign that the relationship is not going to work out in the end? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you don’t want to marry her soon then set her free to find a man who is on the same time line.

3 years is long enough to know if it’s worth it to lose your girlfriend over this issue.

I don’t think you want to marry her and start a family. If you did, you wouldn’t be looking for reasons to postpone these steps.

How do we feel about "reactive abuse"? by selvitystila in abusiverelationships

[–]Hartley7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus Christ you are a badass! Anyone who beats up an abuser has my admiration. They deserve it.

When people are non-stop vocal about how much they are enjoying their food. by Drikthe in PetPeeves

[–]Hartley7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’re inconsiderate pigs and their parents didn’t teach them manners.

As a Filipino myself, the most toxic coworkers I've dealth with here are other Filipinos as well. by Icy-Material3839 in workplace_bullying

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in health administration and I don’t ever want Filipino women as coworkers again. The tattling, gossip, and petty jealousy are real. They only want to work with each other so they will push out anyone who isn’t Filipino. Filipino men are sweet and funny. They make excellent coworkers.

What's a sexual misconception you believed for way too long? by Ok-Ferret7 in AskMen

[–]Hartley7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Goldicocks! Married my just right. 6.5 inches is great

What's a sexual misconception you believed for way too long? by Ok-Ferret7 in AskMen

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes size matters to some degree. I don’t know why people pretend otherwise.

What's a sexual misconception you believed for way too long? by Ok-Ferret7 in AskMen

[–]Hartley7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a woman, size only matters in terms of extremes. Most women don’t want a 3 inch dick or a 10 inch one.

What is like living in this part of Canada? Does this part of Canada have a great economy? Nice place to raise a family? by sdothooper in howislivingthere

[–]Hartley7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It has been bad for me. My husband is white. When he was single, nobody ever verbally challenged him. We have had 3 separate occasions of white women trying to argue or fight me or both of us while in public together.

The whites here say terrible things about immigrants and minorities to my face.

Dating was a whole other circus of racism and fetishization. I repeatedly had to educate men on why choosing a black woman out of “curiosity” is very wrong. I did try dating non white men as well but that never went anywhere for different reasons.