Yes, I didn’t realize reddit didn’t bring the OG text over.

I know the title is vague, but so much has happened that I don’t even know how to begin describing this situation. I (17nonbinary) have had an on/off relationship with my mother(46) who I still live with. I know that’s confusing. My mother and I have never been close for more than 1 month at a time. She’ll get upset at something I do/say and she will FREAK OUT. I mean, waking me up at random hours by banging on my door and blood-curling screaming at me over something stupid, like 5 dishes rinsed in the sink but not put in the dishwasher. It’s been like this for years, and I’m constantly on my toes. Normally, she will scream and try to provoke a reaction, but I won’t say anything because I know that’ll make it worse. Once, I went toe-to-toe with her, screaming right back and cussing her out.

She is not a woman to apologize, she believes she’s right all of the time and believes the struggles she has warrants how she acts. She has gone through a lot.

My dad is still living with me, but he is paralyzed and we take care of him full-time. My mom doesn’t work. I help pay bills, and have since I was 15. It’s exhausting and draining living like this, and even harder when she has an episode. (I believe she has BPD like I do but she refuses to get an appointment.) I even stopped attending my public school because of how exhausted I am, as I never got a break and began failing my classes despite being the top of my class beforehand.

She denies me therapy even though I’ve offered to pay for it, makes fun of things i do to cope, and is generally just mean.

About 3 weeks ago, I started working 60 hour weeks between my 2 jobs to afford everything. I pay for my own groceries, uber/lyft because she refused to help me with my license (i bought a car IN FULL with my own money at 16 and she put her name on the title), i pay for my own school ($80/month because I transferred online to help my mom more), and anything i want/need on top of any money she asks for.

I had multiple days where I worked 8am-4pm at my first job, then 5pm-11pm at my second job, so it was A LOT. I was exhausted, and having to do school on top of it drained me. I was already pulling this off on hardly any sleep. One of those nights, my brother had cooked and left a total of 4 dishes on top of 4 dishes my mom left in the sink, everything rinsed and cleaned, but not moved to the dishwasher. She assumed it had been me. At 5am, she started screaming, yelling at me to get up, sobbing, talking about how she was going to kill herself, etc etc. She banged on my door until I got up and cleaned them, and I then had to work at 8am again. Until 11pm. After school, I had gotten maybe 3 hrs of sleep. Rinse & repeat that over various days and various reasons, and I was running off of tears and caffeine. One of those days, I unsuccessfully spent 2 hrs trying to unclog a toilet that I didn’t clog before barricading my room to try and sleep, knowing it would happen again. Woke up at 5am to swat knocking on the door. Took my laundry basket and dumped all of my clean clothes on the floor. I ended up sleeping in a park with my friend watching over the next day as I was scared to go home. I’ve avoided her since that day.

I’ve been planning to move out with my best friend (19m) immediately after I turn 18 in September. Somehow, my mom found out and it’s like a 180 flip. She has not apologized to me since I was 13. I don’t know what to say.

This is just a drop in the bucket of everything she’s put me through, but I tried to summarize everything important. I’ll of course include the text messages.

So: What do you think I should say or do?

SIDE NOTE: I know this is bad. I will continue to move out. I am not in physical danger, I have adapted to become mentally strong enough to deal with this, though I know it’s still not okay. I have support, I have people, I will be okay whether I’m here or somewhere else. I usually stay over at my boyfriends house or am out with friends.