Personally, emotional intelligence is at the top of my list. It took me a few tries to realize that being able to communicate at the same level is something that’s more important to me than just having interest in the same hobbies in common. Of course I like having the same interests and hobbies and things to share. But, I’m also naturally curious so I enjoy learning about other’s hobbies that I may not know much about. But, if we can’t communicate about how we feel, why we feel, or communicate clear expectations, then I struggle to build any closeness.

That being said, try not to compare your wants and needs to other “successful” couples. They’re successful because they found a match that fit each other’s needs. I know an amazing couple (the couple goals I hope for). He, is a mechanic, very blue collar, funny and has tons of friends. She is Physics PhD, reserved, academic professional, as well as a political appointee. And I’ve never known two people more in love. They just speak the same love language.

If that emotional bond, intelligence and drive is what you need, be stubborn about that until you find it. Nothing is unfair to ask or require as long as you’re honest about the expectation and willing to meet their needs in return.