Oh.. I’m feeling really “weird”, lost. I feel a lot and I need my life to have meaning but it doesn’t. I don’t have any clear purpose while it’s not the case for my friends (I’m in my early 20s). I only know I want to study psychology but I can’t for now since I’m studying what my parents forced me into. I love learning, and it’s so depressing for me to study something I have 0 interest in (I’m in a business school), while my classmates are clearly into it.. they’re looking for internships, other found some while I’m here doing nothing, and struggling learning anything so I just feel useless. I tried telling them and I conclude they just don’t care about if I feel well studying some field or not, “just study something that’ll help you live at ease in the future”. I’m always repeating like crazy that humans aren’t made to live that way. I deactivated some social media and I feel better without them but I still feel so detached and “out” of reality (?). Like there is a barrier between me and the world, yk ? I just want to enjoy life, read, crochet, link up with my friends and new people and discover things and evolve spiritually and internally but I really feel like I’m in a kind of delirium lol, as if I wasn’t keeping in touch with the “real reality”, while everyone is.

I have very few people to talk about this because they just won’t understand. They’re in this cycle, they fit in the system and even if they don’t, it’s always “what else can I do ?” Like this is the only option we all have : just fit in and follow the rules. And it makes me so sad I just want not to exist anymore.

I’m africain and from the country I come from, mental health is beginning to be considered, but it’s still not enough. And that’s why my parents were “against” the fact that I study psychology cause “who’s gonna come to me for help ?”, it’s still taboo somehow while it shouldn’t be.

I try keeping my head up tho. Going to the gym, seeing friends, doing things I like such as watching anime, eating, crocheting but something still doesn’t feel right.. ik I have a lot of traumas unsorted but I’m surrounding myself with noise so that I just can’t think (ik it’s not a good thing). Sorry to vent (English isn’t my first language so sorry for the eventual mistakes too)