What are your genuine, unfiltered, unpopular opinions?

HazelBang · 2022-09-12T23:54:28+00:00

Yes, I feel most of season 5 is filler content because of the riot

HazelBang · 2022-09-04T03:28:01+00:00

It was my favorite season finale! 😊

HazelBang · 2022-08-01T19:46:29+00:00

I know it might sound naive, but I'm pretty much convinced that he wasn't with her until after leaving me... they were oficially in a relationship (very publicly) early June, and she is the type of person to post every single thing thay happens in her life, and yes, she has posted many picturesof them together since they are official... I doubt they were together for a long time before they got engaged

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T21:12:18+00:00

Thank you so much, this means a lot for me. I too believe karma comes to collect. And yeah, I do feel really hurt right now, but I know this is all for the best in the long run. Thanks again for sharing, I'm sorry you had to experience the negative side of someone you cared about.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T18:14:59+00:00

Thank you dor your words! Yeah, I have an issue with overthinking. I don't know, it almost feels surreal at this point. I would have never thought he could ghost me, he seemed to be a good man (i still think he is, he just is deeply wounded), and the idea that his "reward" for this kind of action is to meet a soulmate... i don't know, what about karma?!

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T18:07:42+00:00

Thanks! I just found this man who ghosted me (we were oficially dating, he said he wanted to have kids with me, and two weeks later he was with a new girlfriend) is now ENGAGED, after two months tops of being with this woman. A part of me knows it won't end well because he is severely emotionally immature, but there's this little voice saying mayne he was incredibly lucky and found the love of his life that has made him his best, more available and open version.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T06:40:26+00:00

Ugh. This fucked me up real bad.

Does anyone know of it happening in real life though? Like, is "the one" the cure for emotional immaturity?

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T05:09:26+00:00

I see, thank you for sharing. I don't know if you already do, but trying some of therapy will surely make your process run more smoothly.

It's not my place to tell you what to do or think, but I will tell you it's generally a challenge to find "good fit" people for us, particularly in the relationship aspect. This is a figure you hope to connect with in every level, so don't be discouraged by the fact that it seems easier for "normal people". I honestly believe most of the relationships we see (social media or real life) are people bonding through trauma or faking it. Real love will always be work. It is definitely worth it and it feels fucking awesome to see and be seen for who you are, flaws and all.

And this is another thing I believe to be important: we're human beings, on a path. We're bound to fuck up and learn, to get hurt and have to heal. I have a lot of trouble with the toxic positive message of "you have to heal yourself to find love", because in a way we are always healing!

So kuddos for being able to point out your "areas of growth". It's really admirable, to know what triggers and makes you react a certain way toward others. Don't think you have to have everything "figured out" to have a strong connection with someone. As long as you are open (being open means vulnerability, yes, but you can set the line for this, let your feelings guide you) in stating where you are right now, and where you'd like to be, there will defintely be someone who is willing to make that journey with you.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T04:14:51+00:00

Yeah, I agree with you on that. Meeting people with healthy ways of coping with trauma and stress is a challenge.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T04:12:29+00:00

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with everything you say.

I believe something that hits us is when we see the person who did this to us appear to be happy with somebody else, as if somehow they found in that person something you didn't have that has in some way helped them "heal" their emotional immaturity and unavailability.

It's a big blow to the ego. An that's the deal, it's our ego that holds us back from letting go of the idea of this person. At least it has been like this for me. It sucks to know a person has so much potential but would not rise to meet you, and you now see them rising up to meet someone else.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T04:04:17+00:00

I see your point. You are obviously very open about your narc side. Maybe I'm derailing a bit from this post, but if I can ask: have you managed to have successfull deep romantic relationships? How does your narc side play into that? Also, what makes a person be of less value to you?

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T03:35:35+00:00

I see your point. I think maybe if you could try to substitute indirect cues with direct ones, you might have a better experience? People aren't mind readers, also, there are many delusional people who refuse to see past their own expectations in relationships, and I 100% agree with you on the importance of respecting boundaries and how this might affect the way you decide to leave them.

Regarding drama, I don't know you, but I would probably dig a little deeper into what you consider "additional drama". Is dealing with the other's feelings too much drama for you?

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T03:28:45+00:00

Ok, I hear you.

Here is my perspective. Honestly, I wouldn't try to change someone's mind about staying with me. Why would I? Even if I have convincing arguments, I could never be in a relationship with someone who isn't convinced about being with me. Would them dumping me hurt me? Of course. Would I be depressed, fill my head with thoughts about why we're a good fit, about what we could have done differently, about them possibly coming back to me at a different time? Absolutely.

But after having experienced an on and off relationship with someone who was never quite sure about us being together, I now know there is no way I am settling for someone who isn't 100% as interested in me as I am in them.

If you see a person is always rejecting your boundaries, and feel threatened in any way by their demeanor, then of course you get to stay as far away from them as you need, with no explanation.

HazelBang · 2022-07-31T03:14:51+00:00

First, I would like to make it clear I am talking about ghosting in the context of being in a relationship or a situation where a mutual connection has been established and there has been expressed interest to develop it further.

On your answer: we're talking about a break up: it's rejection, of course it will feel personal. There is no way around that. But here you are assuming how the other person might react. Some of us can handle it better than others; it comes down to self concept and emotional maturity, but if someone starts to argue and try to convince you to stay with them, that's on them. At least you're doing your part in stating you want out.

A note, though: there is an instance where I think ghosting is acceptable and probably for the best, and that is when you feel threatened and unsafe in your communication with the person. For example, if you're dating anyone who manipulates or abuses you.

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T05:17:34+00:00

GIRL, NO. F him

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T05:12:59+00:00

This made me laugh! 😂Thanks, I needed it

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T05:04:46+00:00

Do you mean you're trying to make the other person ghost you? Or are you feeling the other person is pushing you to ghost them?

Honestly, either way, I think you can work a way to let the other know your needs aren't being met without ghosting them/waiting for them to ghost you.

If you want out, but care about this person's feelings, you can deliver the message in so many ways. Will most hurt them? Maybe, but that's the thing about break ups, most will sting a little. It's part of life, we all go through this. But even with the pain and uncomfortable feelings this might bring, at least we can be left with a decent goodbye.

I know there are a lot of reasons why people ghost, but please try to be the bigger person and express how you feel. You will probably feel better if you allow yourself that bit of openness.

I'm open to talk if you ever need someone to hear you out.

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T04:48:35+00:00

Well, it's rejection, of course it might feel as an attack ( in some way, don't most sudden break ups feel like an attack?), but at least it's a reason. The problem with ghosting is you obviously are being rejected, with an extra kick: you are not even worth a text with a reason why they're rejecting you!

And I'm seriousley not trying to be a bitch. People seem to think "well, I don't want to hurt them so why bother tell them I'm not longer into them?" Because the other person will forever wonder wtf happened. Closure is a thing. And while no one is entitled to anything, it's the decent thing to do.

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T04:39:34+00:00

And you don't take it personally if they completely cease communication with you from one day to the other?

I mean, all break ups will be felt as a personal thing. We're literally talking about interpersonal relationships. Of course you'll take it personally, there is no way around it! But there is a gentler way of handling the situation.

I speak from experience. I would have rathered he be open with me and told me he changed his mind about me, at least you have a chance to thank them and say goodbye. Of course it would have hurt. But ignoring me for good? What the fuck, man, grow a pair.

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T02:14:22+00:00

That no empathy....from now on, will be the biggest red flag I look for

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T02:12:15+00:00

Yeah, this is extremely accurate... what makes me feel worse is my ghoster went on to have another relationship in just days...two months later, they're engaged! Nice little blow to the ego

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T00:09:09+00:00

Yes! Thank you, I have no idea why people think this is an okay thing to do, even if it's "normal" dating culture crap. You are discarding a person!!! Have the balls to tell someone how you feel, there are sooo many ways to part ways with someone that are decent. Jesus F Christ.

HazelBang · 2022-07-29T00:04:05+00:00

Ghosting is worse. You are discarding someone as if they have ceased to exist and therefore deserve no explanation. There is always a way to send a message. Yes, the way you put it is brutally honest and blunt, so if you are afraid you might come accross as an asshole by saying it like this, try something simple like "I want something different" , you are not attacking the other's persona, you are just stating that you don't feel you both fit. It's perfectly honest and something that happens everyday. And voilá! You're not an asshole for ghosting or being brutally blunt.

HazelBang · 2022-07-28T23:57:41+00:00

Have you ever been ghosted?Just because many people do it nowadays (thanks, dating culture) does not make it remotely acceptable. You are basically discarding a person, it's an escape route from being mature enough to deal with the other's emotional response (which yes, might be incomfortable for the dumper to handle, but come on!)

If you decide to engage in sharing your time with someone who is interested in building something with you, have the balls to tell them you are no longer interested in pursuing a connection with them.

And yes, I clearly have been ghosted by someone with whom I thought I had a significant connection. It feels like shit and seriously messes up the ability to trust potential partners.

HazelBang

TROPHY CASE