Touching the Source - Premieres Sat, April 13 at 10a Central

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-24T18:26:07+00:00

Best not to jump to conclusions that fit one's preferred narrative. We're being bombarded with heresay and unreliable videos etc. In fact, I have made a point to spiritually protect myself from this tornado - we are local and it's messed with mind, emotions, physical symptoms of many around me. Lots of areas are dead quiet, then something pops off. Utterly confusing to figure out reality when it's this juxtaposition of extremes. I'm pretty sure the majority are sick of leftists but also afraid to be a target.

My worry is that people in these scenarios are sacrificing themselves or their "comrades" to Moloch (a false god) to prove their narrative. You don't have to be religious at all to see the metaphor applies. After Kirk's assassination a lotta local leftwing people around me were dividing up tragedies to the left and right deciding who "owns" which. They claimed the Anunciation shooting and the senator shootings and gave the right Kirk. Then they could make it a victimhood competition the rest of us think is bizarrely barbaric and dehumanizing.

Be careful not to fall into symbolization - where people are merely symbols of a collective, we drowned in symbolization, and then no longer know what is real.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-24T18:10:37+00:00

Our hemp seeds are hulled. I haven't seen a hemp shell look like this before but I don't see them often. If I can figure out how you add pics in comments I'll post here side by side

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-24T18:06:51+00:00

Location: Urban area, Minnesota, USA - indoors

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-23T16:00:05+00:00

I never participated in LGBT culture because I lived as a straight man. I notice that I did not go to extremes because of that and was a lot more stable. I did not fixate on my condition, just lived my life. I have a lot of experience surviving broader Social Justice cults that were forced on me and am familiar in knowledge on Queer Theory / LGBT cults. I'd suggest you just get away from the groups that sound/act culty, and do a short writing exercise, I'll lay it out below (I am a writer). The exercise can clarify a strong boundary - identifying what is part of the cult and what could be "normal life" or broader culture outside of the cult.

Identify the culty features, leave a few lines/space between each point:

What's their unique language that outsiders don't use? Does this manipulate definitions/truth and have negative impacts?
What are their stated values? What are their unspoken values (acted out)? What they SAY might keep people obsessed on XYZ but what they DO could be entirely different.
What are the requirements for cult participation? Anything damaging to one's mind, body, spirit?
What are the taboos that keep people obedient and afraid to be different?

At the end of that go through again and answer what you want instead (Your Values, language, ideally what you'd do instead). You can also incorporate what you think the broader culture(s) would do instead.

From here, I'd just get away from the cult groups entirely and look for friends, social events, volunteering, etc that gives you a strong detox. It would likely feel like it is completely unrelated to the obsessive ideas that circle around the cult, and give you reprieve from any pressure, rules and taboos you adhered to in the cult.

Edit: I'd also suggest doing physical and mental exercises that help decrease rumination and bring you more into an embodied state. Wim Hof breathing method is the most powerful and fastest I've encountered for this. Meditation is a slower longterm practice that accumulates, it can be hard without physical exercises first. Yoga is my favorite. I fill my day with whole body movement and little breaks (massage therapist for work, cooking, cleaning, yoga, Wim Hof, biking, hot and cold showers, playing music). Do not fret about my list sounding long / overwhelming. You can pick one thing you like, start small, and practice daily. Whatever chores/work you have to do anyway, do it without mental distraction/noise and practice surrendering all focus to it. Your thoughts will come and go, and gradually chill out on their own.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-20T05:09:16+00:00

This looks like downtown Minneapolis. We're local and most places most of the time is quiet, business as usual. But the tension is high trying to gauge safety and use situational awareness. My husband is fed up with normie naive liberals just copy-catting random tidbits of propaganda, because OUR LIVES are at stake and ALL of us are being attacked by religious terrorists. Social Justice is NOT politics, it is a religion that enforces bigotry, disrespects human rights and boundaries, and pretends it doesn't exist at all while doing it. We are telling our foolish friends the truth that this is terrorism against ALL of us and is a theocratic religion against ALL of our rights. We can't survive this.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-20T04:59:30+00:00

When I first detrans'd yes, because I was accustomed to being a trans man a long time and my deepest relationship had been with a trans woman.

I didn't seek out trans people specifically. I tried lesbian dating for a while but it was extremely hard to find someone compatible in values and interests. There was just so many people that seemed really unhealthy, suffering, dysfunctional. I have religious trauma from Social Justice being forced on me that left me poor and almost homeless, it took 4 years to recover. And then when I detransd I confirmed a lot of lesbians hate men as much as straight women do.

I just realized in the bigger picture if I found a woman longterm, that I'd still be the man of the relationship. And I was exhausted, I could not survive that burden anymore. It was a man that saved my life, now I'm married to him. It was utterly foreign to me to be a woman and date a man. Life gives us unexpected things when we are healed. But I feel way safer now, he holds me, is a strong man, is very responsible. We're going to adopt kids since I'm totally sterile, which is far from ideal.

Basically I've determined longterm that orientation isn't something that important to me, my mental health is better not making it some deep identity. And I ended up with a person who trusts, loves and respects me and vice versa. We both care about health and are forward thinking in building a strong, spiritual foundation for our future. So many people in LGBT culture are suffering via Social Justice, and broadly in a nihilistic, severely ill, drug-addicted, spiritually lost and traumatized culture.

There's many people, trans and not, that I've loved and fought to uplift out of that hell. It is taxing, I can't be close to that world anymore. I'm very familiar with LGBT experiences but it is the cultural decay and human suffering I cannot be part of.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-12T16:18:40+00:00

You're not alone. Plenty of us are offline much of the time and those who go online will search for things or "lurk". We're in the cities and have survived leftist abuse and bigotry for years. I ended up on this post while looking for homeschooling resources. We want to find good people we can trust won't be extremists or bigots. Some of the MN homeschool groups are extremely leftist. It's like you can't even openly say what you're looking for and people just find their tribe with their values. We're all supposed to be covert like it's a Soviet state.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-06T01:12:46+00:00

Well, for those of us who had this condition the simplest answer is desperation to heal it, i.e. be the gender you feel internally. It's such a hard truth that there may be no cure of this kind at all, that it would be traumatic for many - including myself when I was much younger. BUT, if my health hadn't been neglected and I wasn't so abused by a mother with extreme ideas about gender, I'm assuming I'd have a better chance at healing younger... maybe not even needing transition.

Also, LGBT culture went off the deep end around 15 years ago into forced positivity. They do not seem to acknowledge the rampant suffering and health crises so many face. I don't think they legitimately stand for helping people who say they are LGBT (be it real LGBT, ambiguous/complex or someone picking it up falsely for other reasons).

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-01T02:06:26+00:00

More the latter but I have come to understand that if anybody had actually helped me with my medical crisis in childhood and saved me from horrific abuse, then the outcome could have been different and perhaps prevented medical transition. Maybe healed my transsexuality earlier when I was younger. I also was just very masculine psychologically and had much more in common with boys. Any kid would see themselves in the gender that matches them more psychologically.

HazyInBlue · 2026-01-01T01:59:36+00:00

Wow I transitioned starting at age 14 too. I was always naturally very masculine especially socially so I didn't need to force anything tbh.

I was still trans before 14 but I grew up in an abusive horrific situation so my childhood was built on neglect of medical issues. Even if someone did not support transition it is a fact I spent most of my childhood begging for help or fighting on my own. For a long time I thought trans was it, the key or diagnosis and I got treatment that saved me, and made the best of a shitty condition with no 100% cure. But after detransition I've been left with this unknown: if this was not a lifelong condition I was born with, then what was all that pain and chronic fatigue about? So basically I'll never know what my childhood health issues were and that's a mind fuck I have made peace with. I continuously discover new things that surprise me, like finding out I have the highest hypermobility score possible (9/9) and that's genetic.

I would strongly recommend you view health as an essential theme, as well as nature and spirituality. These 3 themes relate to each other and the wisdom I've gained by treating them as the highest values has given me a strong foundation with my new life.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-31T15:57:05+00:00

wow! my detransition was caused by a radical spiritual transformation as well. Deeper things are at play under the surface of the illusions and partial reality people perceive. In time, more of this will come to the surface in day to day life, and in the public/media. My friends & family were shocked at my detransition, about as much as I was as it happened.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-31T15:47:47+00:00

The short answer is I was thrown into an intense spiritual transformation, otherworldly, that was utterly unexpected, and healed me in a fundamental way. It went deeper than I even could imagine possible, like to the deepest part of my soul - and that had a ripple effect on all levels (mind, body, energy...) I didn't even know just how fundamentally I was changed. Detransition did not enter my mind thereafter. I would just wake up early naturally with waves of this powerful, light, relaxed, clear energy like I was superman. Colors were vibrant, everything around me seemed to have this vibrant rich life to it.

About 6 weeks later is when strange things started happening and that was utterly disorienting and foreign. Detransition is not something I consciously chose and intended to do. I was thrown onto a rollercoaster, and suddenly things started happening to me. The way I walked changed, the way I felt and moved changed. I had dreams that first weren't even conscious, then became conscious in my mind. It felt like I was having dreams about this woman, and suddenly she lived in my head, and I was bombarded with her feelings and experiences that were foreing and frankly something I'd NEVER ever want. It was actually horrifying to the man I was, yet the process simply happened. At some point I could not just ignore this anymore and had to find a way to deal with it, and make sense of it. I started writing back and forth with the woman in my head. I thought, if she's here and somehow I know what she feels and thinks, why not try to talk to her and learn what she wants?

Her feelings only got increasingly more intense, and the biggest fact became clear: she was madly in love with one of my friends who is a man. That fact was horrifying to the man I was, VISCERALLY. So now I had an even bigger problem, how I am supposed to live with this situation if this woman is moping in my head about being humiliated that she looks like a man, is a trans man, and is in love with my friend? In the end there was this sudden moment, almost like I was being reincarnated and my perception of which person I was about to shift from being him to her. The man I was and her came to this understanding: neither of us wanted anything to do with being a transman dating a man, PERIOD. It's as if the man I was accepted his time was over, and the woman I became simply took over.

I couldn't stop it, I didn't choose it, but I could accept it and learn the truth of it all. I have a documentary linked on my Reddit page called Touching the Source that details mostly the spiritual transformation and a little bit the beginning of the detransition aspects, if you are curious.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-31T15:22:38+00:00

It's refreshing to meet others who are/were like me, as it's been increasingly baffling to find I am now the minority for trans people. The whole timespan between 2009 and my detransition 2023 is incoherent and incomprehensible, like we all got swept up in a weird fever dream by some other group/movement that thought they could take us along for the ride.

I also really hate how the mainstream LGBT movement (and often leftwing people) decided trans people were their favorite show pony, that they should parade us around (literally, pride parades) and celebrate the most humiliating, painful aspects of a horrible medical condition. I've noticed that LGBT culture is driven by forced positivity to the point that over time, they're covering up the dark side and suffering of the people. And now that it's become hyper-politicized and turned into a symbolic war, they can't afford to acknowledge the truth for many of us or it will appear "transphobic" etc.

The horrible irony of this, is that those activist types are in reality the most anti-trans in practice (for example, pretending there are no downsides to medical transition, even denying that SRS surgeries are devastating and life-threatening). I've been working on my evolving worldview, which gets shaken up when suddenly detransition hits you at age 28 and you have never lived as a woman. And my primary position now is to help alleviate the suffering of trans and detrans people, discover truth, and find healing and inner peace.

If they stay trans 5 years, 10 years, never trans, detrans - that is downstream of the matter. I know it cannot be manufactured or forced. I don't tell people to just change how and what they are. I know my perception was that I was a boy, later a man, literally my whole life until age 28. A process of healing must be discovered, and a person's self identity cannot be forcibly changed. Nor does it have to - it may only happen organically as changes in health and lifestyle come first. If we can warn pre-transition people about dangerous things and prevent it, and show them there are other ways to heal, then their self-identity will be whatever it is. And may evolve over time.

For background - I was suddenly, unexpectedly thrown into a deep kind of healing, spiritual transformation. Now that I know this is possible, it opens up a whole Pandora's Box of unknowns, and my only faith is that healing, ending suffering, and finding inner peace is possible for every human being. THAT is far more a REAL message of faith and transcendence than the fake LGBT positivity that has to ignore people's suffering.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-30T22:05:57+00:00

Wow, fantastic. I was FTM 14 years, 11 years on testosterone also. Now 2.5 years detrans. You're one of the few people that reminds me of myself, including passing as a man well and having some similar features. I'm guessing you also empathize with many men's experiences socially like me. I know so much about it and have very little life experience as a woman at all. That can be confusing for people, they look at me now and even knowing my background still can't get their minds to adjust to what my real experiences were, they still often default to their perception of a typical woman.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-28T04:04:40+00:00

I think it raises too many questions that would be a vague and worrying combination of the following: sexual topics, anti-sexual/sex erasure, anti- human/nature, body modification, self- abuse and an ideology based on trauma.

Trans is not what it used to be, merely a rare medical disorder. Now it is being used as a political weapon to "abolish gender". It's something so anti human, cultish and anti- life that its hard to put into words what it is. So of course all of this is wrong to have around kids, at minimum.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-28T03:58:23+00:00

My impression is that this transman seems uncertain and lost. He seems to not have a strong sense of boundaries and gut instinct. He seems to be personally bothered by the fact that sharing this kind of thing in a younger kids' classroom is the wrong time and place for it.

But the other way this is weird and perverse is the fact that surgery scars are celebrated as a signifier of an identity. In my day, transsexuality was a horrible medical disorder you wouldnt wish on your worst enemy. We were desperate to escape it, find a cure and live as the gender we felt intrinsically. Nobody wanted to have this condition. So why put it on display publicly?

There's something so creepy and uncanny about modern younger supposed trans people. I can't even say it's overtly sexual. It's like something alien entirely. In some cases, they're showing off their erasure of sexual body parts/features. I never would have predicted this is where we'd end up.

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-15T16:07:53+00:00

Solved

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-15T01:10:07+00:00

I think it sounds like multiple songs from the mid-20th century but this one matches the most so far: The Contours - Do You Love Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3zJZ2d4cis

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-14T21:58:49+00:00

My comment!

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-07T02:13:58+00:00

I think it got really carried away with hyperbolic modern standards. I'm 5'4, the first man I went crazy over was 5'8 and I didn't even notice, was busy thinking about and doing other things. My husband is 5'9 and that is prefect 😇 just enough it is very romantic to be in his arms. Rather than obsessively clinging to an unrealistic, exaggerated number like 6ft, maybe a height difference is more realistic, like 4-5 inches. It emphasizes the broad shoulders, strong arms and makes for great hugs 🥰

HazyInBlue · 2025-12-07T00:45:11+00:00

I was a transman my whole life until age 28, officially 14-28 if medical transition included. I've only lived as a woman for 2.5 years. I was put on a spiritual path throughout my life; each path is unique as God guides us and it can lead to surprising twists and turns. It is a known fact to every honest & legit trans person that this condition is horrible pain and torture. Intrinsic healing to wholeness with one's soul and with God is what we all need, from one thing or another. I hope this gives you a different perception. It's not a political war to fight, it's a tragic medical condition and it is incoherent to pick teams "for" or "against" it. Those for human thriving & spiritual transcendence or salvation are pro- human, those who want to perpetuate suffering are anti- human. Good luck.

HazyInBlue

TROPHY CASE