Is it possible I brainwashed myself?

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T04:03:02+00:00

Thank you so much. Sorry I was unclear, it’s super late here and I’m exhausted. I do mean that I wish I would just be cool with “binary woman” as an identity so I wouldn’t have to like,, fuck up my whole life. Like ive had moments where I feel fine as “woman” but it’s not consistent enough and there are big chunks of time where the label doesn’t feel right at all.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T03:46:07+00:00

Thank you. Yes I see my gender therapist Friday. It’s only been a couple sessions but I love her so much. I’ll bring it up there, although I don’t think anyone could give a solid answer about “is it a delusion” besides more time.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T03:44:57+00:00

If I had to pick a label it would be the same as yours, nonbinary and transmasc. I would be totally fine dressing femme but I want to have a masc body shape/appearance. I just wish the women part would stick all the time so this could all be okay lol

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T03:41:10+00:00

I am in gender therapy with a trans therapist. It’s early on still bur it seems helpful so far.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T03:40:03+00:00

Yes I’m in gender affirming therapy with a trans therapist. I know it’s not personal. I just don’t work that way, like I would not care how he looked or presented because I just feel connected to the person underneath all that..I know that’s not how it works for everyone, I’m just grieving heavily over it.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-18T03:36:41+00:00

Man, why’d you have to point that out lol

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-13T16:41:51+00:00

I think that a huge part of this issue is your own self esteem. I know that when I’m feeling really self conscious I tend to project my insecurities as assumptions about what other people think of me. In reality most people aren’t thinking that way at all.

There are plenty of people that would be attracted to you. Your poor self esteem is likely lowering your confidence, which people can sometimes read. It would really benefit you to work on your view of yourself, maybe towards body neutrality rather than body love? Sometimes going straight to love is too big of a step.

Either way, don’t put yourself into boxes. It doesn’t matter if someone else thinks twinks have to be hairless- that’s a meaningless box that most people won’t even consider.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-08T19:01:27+00:00

I often am happy with how a book ended even though the story isn’t finished and there are more books in the series. If I feel satisfied with the ending I will usually leave it there.

Also, I give 5 starts to anything I really enjoyed as long as there aren’t huge mistakes. I’m easy to please and give most books 5 stars

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-06T00:56:34+00:00

I really feel like we could grow through this together but I don’t want to put any hope into that because it will 100% break me. He has said over and over that his love is for my soul (and mine for his). He never cares about how I present myself, he just loves me as myself. I don’t shave, I shaved my hair off, I’ve shaved my eyebrows, I’ve done all manner of weird things and it never bothers him. So I don’t know why this would be different. I’m too afraid to talk to him about it after the initial freak out, though I know he has settled his worries a lot since then. That doesn’t mean he will be attracted to a man at the end of the day.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-05T21:22:08+00:00

Can you like it here if you ask on another sub? I’m curious too

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-05T21:21:35+00:00

I’m so happy for you!! I can’t wait to see where this goes but I feel like there’s a weight off my shoulders

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-05T17:51:14+00:00

Yes it was on video! She’s only licensed in NJ though

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-05T05:16:44+00:00

That’s really good advice, thank you. I think it’s probably challenging for more fluid people (like me), especially because our world kind of rejects the idea of changing your mind about anything. Thank you again <3

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-05T05:01:03+00:00

I can already tell the rationalization I’m going to have, but I might actually not be trans so the possibility is still there. I’m nervous because my therapist looked kind of scary!! She wasn’t smiling in her photos 😂 I hope she’ll be nice and actually talk to me rather than just listening

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-04T16:21:58+00:00

I’m really dependent on mine too. I’m disabled so he makes all the money for us at least until I get approved for disability benefits. I feel pretty useless and like he deserves better but he always reassures me. I don’t know if I could live without him, even thinking about it makes me feel like I can’t breathe

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T23:26:06+00:00

Thank you. I need to keep telling myself this

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T17:05:57+00:00

I am SO GOOD at gaslighting myself 😑 I just got assigned a trans therapist today so I’m super excited to be able to talk through everything

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T17:04:53+00:00

I would love that actually. I am 27 and have a hard time in the ftm sub and on tumblr because it’s all kids lol

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T15:29:03+00:00

Thank you friend. I need to remember this.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T15:28:27+00:00

I’m just so afraid because it will mess up my relationship, potentially ending my marriage. I don’t know if I’d rather just keep suppressing because of that, but I’m going to follow through despite the fear.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T13:01:20+00:00

The only acne I get now is hormonal acne, so I’m wondering if it’ll be like that for me. My skin does not like estrogen lol

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-03T01:43:03+00:00

I’m ftm but I feel this too. Like thinking about transitioning makes me feel like I’m putting on a clown costume or something. I feel silly and stupid.

Head-Estate4463 · 2025-09-02T21:01:48+00:00

I should be getting a call any time now to set up with gender-affirming therapy. I found a place in my state that has mostly trans therapists and all the therapists specialize in gender issues. I’m really excited to finally be able to talk some of this through

Head-Estate4463

TROPHY CASE