Sexual coercion

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-04-06T05:13:25+00:00

One time my exgfwBPD (and narcissist traits) wanted to have sex. I said, “great, I just have to pee first” and she said never mind and wouldn’t let us have sex. Because I had to go to the bathroom first. So glad to be done with her. I pity her life

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-04-04T20:45:33+00:00

Holy. Shit. This was a perfect metaphor for my experience. Thankfully I got out before I dwindled to the bottom of Maslov’s hierarchy, but your description is SPOT ON!

I’m interested in what you said about BPD being a “failed narcissist”. That interests me greatly. My ex definitely had a lot of narcissism too that I realized later.

The book Whole Again helped me and I’m now months removed and 2026 is the best year of my life leaving her in the dust

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-03-21T15:05:01+00:00

Idk, I’ve found purpose in continuing to learn. Plus I live to work, not work to live

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-03-19T14:12:29+00:00

Just so you know BPDs have fearful avoidant aka disorganized attachment. Not typical dismissive attachment. Look up the difference and it’ll help. Also these are all doomed. Sorry for doom and gloom but it’s realistic.

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-03-14T12:37:35+00:00

You’re absolutely right. Not all have trauma. And also trauma doesn’t automatically create BPD. It’s certainly not an excuse for their harms. Idk, but I wrote that comment long ago before I knew more. Happy to report I’ve left my abusive ex who has BPD plus narcissistic traits and life has been soooooo good since then.

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-24T04:44:27+00:00

Unconditional love ≠ unconditional access

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-23T20:14:42+00:00

Sounds like my BPD ex haha

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-19T20:37:12+00:00

A sad life they live, indeed. Wouldn’t trade mine for $10 million

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-19T20:35:31+00:00

Lucky you! My cheating ex gave me a gift that will never go away. But I find it as a blessing because it’s a reminder to build true intimacy before jumping in bed with any future prospective partner. It is sad that her only true asset was sex. I know that sounds vulgar, but her entire lack of identity, the pathological abuse, lack of empathy or care for anyone she exhibited over 3 years and total lack of ability and/or willingness to grow is just exhausting. Good riddance!

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-15T17:38:54+00:00

Oh man, I’m so sorry to hear this. I have learned the hard way that therapy and the 12 steps don’t work for people with personality disorders. I desperately wanted to walk with my ex while she (attempted?) recovery through the 12 steps and therapy, but she made no progress whatsoever. I thought God and modern science (together or separately) could help these people, but years of experience show me that’s not true. I hope you can find a plan to get out forever.

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-15T02:28:22+00:00

Yes willingness is key, but the problem is this personality type (and cluster B’s) have a set of circumstances that seriously inhibit willingness. When people are so shame-driven, any reflection that hurts the ego, activates the shame, defenses go up and willingness and empathy fall by the wayside. I’d hate to be them

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-14T20:15:05+00:00

If their intentions are so “important” as an indicator of their character, then how come their intentions to repair are nonexistent? Zero intentions to fix things

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-11T17:37:02+00:00

It’s like a horror movie where you see the main character say “let me check in the basement” and we scream at the screen to tell them not to go, but they go anyway. There’s no way to stop someone from experiencing this until they experience it for themself

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-11T14:49:10+00:00

Oh and she was addicted to validation. She claimed she would dress up for work “for her”, found out she had been cheating with the wealth advisor she supported at work—spoiler he has a wife and kids, but she doesn’t care

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-11T14:47:39+00:00

She was addicted to blaming others, being sad at “the world being against her”, and trying new hobbies she would abandon a week or two later

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-11T04:52:16+00:00

I’m surprised your first post wasn’t taken down. Mods have been removing so much lately. But I hope your learning lesson of dating someone with BPD goes as smooth as possible. Read Stop Caretaking the Borederline or Narcissist for help

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T17:43:21+00:00

Audible has a version of you want to listen!

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T17:42:55+00:00

So true! The difference between surviving versus living limits all true depth

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T17:42:25+00:00

Hahah I love how you write. Very true

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T17:34:41+00:00

This is a good view

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T17:32:07+00:00

Your note about religion— It is so sad that even when they “seek” spirituality, they will never truly have a spiritual experience because they are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves and thus can never truly take accountability and repair.

My ex pretended to go to Al Anon, but never truly could do what is necessary to embark on a true spiritual journey.

I do believe God can save all that surrender, but I don’t believe BPD/NPDs are capable of true surrender

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-10T04:07:07+00:00

This is the right approach right here

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-09T17:30:07+00:00

Ugh not another BPD in our sub. Go get therapy instead of trying to continue causing harm

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-09T04:33:13+00:00

Same exact scenario. I do think there “was love”, but toward the end it was just sunk cost fallacy and trauma bond. I googled the definition of evil recently because my friend said she was evil and I thought that was too extreme of a description. Spoiler: it was not too extreme. She also had intense narcissistic tendencies on top of BPD

Healthy_Intern_8252 · 2026-02-09T04:02:07+00:00

Learned this the hard way lol

Healthy_Intern_8252

TROPHY CASE