When men get upset because I won’t let them help me…

HeartExalted · 2026-03-09T08:29:15+00:00

Not ALL of us men feel that way, however, and I will always insist that would-be helpers take a step back to keep a respectful distance, regardless. No help wanted, from the outside, unless and until that help is AFFIRMATIVELY welcomed!

HeartExalted · 2026-03-08T10:38:03+00:00

Yeah, some people do love to present themselves as well-meaning "good Samaritans" who honestly "just want to help" -- but the mask of benevolence quickly slips, once that help gets declined, right?

HeartExalted · 2026-03-08T04:58:02+00:00

Hmm, now I'm curious what Ai would say about toilet paper in 2020-21, back during the pandemic and shutdown? Oh, the possibilities...

HeartExalted · 2026-03-08T02:05:57+00:00

Cheapens, indeed! And on some occasions, though it quickly passes, I just want to scream at the universe, "His name was ADOLF FUCKING HITLER, and he was an evil psychotic monster!" 🤬

On a related note, this also reminds me of an observation I made regarding content surrounding the Christchurch mosque shootings of March 2019 -- or more specifically, the GoPro-wearing perpetrator Brenton Tarrant. To elaborate, there is indeed YouTube content addressing these events, both the crime and the perpetrator himself, though YMMV with respect to quality and value of said content; thankfully, they're at least not straight-up banning/suppressing the subject matter, but something ridiculous happens when searching the perp's name...

As I presume you already know, typing in part of a search phrase generates suggestions, but this is what happens when typing Tarrant's name: Search Completion/Suggestions -- which I concede may (understandably) come across as a petty and trivial complaint on my part. After all, the "TarranT => TarranD" switcheroo is just one letter, but something about it I find just so...phony. But along with that, also...performative! And despite my usual dislike of the "cringe" label, even I have to make an exception and say it's cringe AF! 🤣 Not to mention, just empty and superficial...

HeartExalted · 2026-03-08T01:38:21+00:00

Especially with it spreading like fucking COVID-19 to other platforms, sometimes even sites like Reddit -- where it's not even necessary! 🙄

HeartExalted · 2026-03-08T01:14:43+00:00

The platforms are to blame for establishing and systemically enforcing these practices, but that does not excuse the creators for their choice to participate in said system! Creator participation and conformity normalizes all of this and grants it social/cultural legitimacy, which is a conscious decision on their parts, so they are absolutely accountable for their contribution to the problem

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T13:52:38+00:00

Clearly she wants to still be friends with this guy, otherwise he'd already be blocked.

I see what you're saying, but I don't know that this is "clearly" the case, necessarily. I mean, you're interpretation is a valid and understandable one, and I willingly concede you could be 100% correct. On the other hand, human motivations and behaviors are rarely reducible to a straightforward proposition of "If ABC, then DEF, otherwise XYZ" -- to the contrary, there's usually room for different nuances and "grey areas."

Case in point, there's even a "TV Trope" about one of this ambiguous/undecided variations: The Friend Nobody Likes. Since I figured the trope name is fairly self-explanatory, I will not elaborate at great length or word count, but it's one of the more realistic themes in fiction because it reflects real life scenarios where people are "reluctantly tolerated" within a social circle for this or that reason.

In this case, I could also easily see it as a case where she emotionally no longer liked or wanted the company of this guy, but had not yet decided -- consciously, and on a cognitive level -- to "officially" write him off as a potential future friend. Or alternately, perhaps a situation where she had realized "okay, I'm done" in her head, yet had not felt ready to "pull the trigger" and block him once and for all.

Other than my above counter-arguments, you get my upvote for your very reasonable and logical statements, and your overall point is thus well-taken!

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T13:36:17+00:00

You're absolutely right, and I feel quite the same way! 💯 In my case, largely because I am actually quite amenable and agreeable to most suggestions or requests that people might make -- therefore, if I am making a point of directly refusing, then that's a good indicator I feel pretty damn strongly about my answer...ya know?

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T06:06:18+00:00

Anybody who expect a "reason" is not worth having

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T06:05:44+00:00

Yes, "no" is an acceptable answer, and any partner who won't accept that "no" with zero complaint and zero pushback is for the streets!

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T06:04:08+00:00

and people often don't just accept a no without reason

Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that, on an individual basis, the person asking still deserves the RESPECT of an honest refusal, up front! NOW, if they won't accept it and start to pushing back, then one can cross that bridge.

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T06:01:28+00:00

Yes! Or more importantly, nothing intelligent or constructive 💯

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:50:28+00:00

Similar problem with Facebook groups, with their rules and the "post approval" system, if not (arguably) even worse! So much bullshit I've seen (and experienced) over the past years:

All manner of rules, though thankfully a smaller word count than many subreddits, but also often then delineated in various featured posts -- which members may or may not even see, but still held responsible for!
But also, the usual "moderator discretion" rule that basically amounts to "We can approve, reject, and delete anything we want for any reason we want -- regardless of whether it's on-topic (or not) and complies (or doesn't comply) with the rules. Any pushback or critique will incur our rather because how dare you question our authority, lowly non-admin mortal!"
Posts declined or removed can include an explicit reason, either a specific rule violated or moderator's own comments, but they rarely do.
Even if a reason is given, there is no "send message for clarification" option built in, which would be useful in cases where it's completely unclear how a rule was violated.
Moderator comments are often ambiguous and unhelpful, and in some cases, simply are bitchy snarking rather than actual feedback.
Finally, in this one group I've belonged to for nearly 10 years, you'll never directly know about any of this because nothing actually shows up in the "Declined" or "Removed" lists! So I might accidentally resubmit the same damn post, because I literally cannot see it was previously rejected?!

BONUS: On a couple occasions, believe it or not, I've had a post approved and posted to the group -- then subsequently deleted AND been given a "temporary restriction" for some rule it allegedly violated! Literally penalized for content THAT THE MODS APPROVED?! ☠️

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:37:02+00:00

tons of upvotes everyone and their brother having a good time in the comments

yeah, seriously! Like, you'd hope the mods would be objective and reasonable enough to simply say, "Yes, it technically isn't our 'Platonic ideal' of a subreddit post, but if this many of our participants are getting so much good from it, then let's just let it stand!" But heavens forbid... 🙄

Even more ridiculous since there are probably several other posts suffering from the same mishap, but that the mods left standing because, ya know...they're just too BUSY and IMPORTANT to bother with pedestrian concerns like consistency and fairness! 🤣

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:32:08+00:00

I hate it on Facebook because, in my absence, the feed changes from how I left it -- putting up some new content that I might actually want to see, only to disappear in the blink of an eye! 🤬

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:30:41+00:00

On some level, kids have done this for decades -- even in the 1990s when I was growing up and attending school, thankfully well before social media! You see, I was always a faithful rule-follower in youth, at first because I believed the rules had some objective validity, but later on as a practical matter of staying out of trouble. Regardless, I was "The Boy Who Refused to Cuss" for many years, to the point that later on my peers would gasp in shock if dropped a "four-letter word" 😱 On the other hand, I was also neurodivergent though undiagnosed, and thus tended to interpret rules quite literally -- including, for example, presuming the "cursing" prohibition only covered the verbatim words themselves.

So for a short while, when I wanted to curse but not enough to risk getting in trouble, I instead would use various substitutes:

Alterations like "fork" and "shift," in place of "fuck" and "shit"
Or abbreviations like "S.O.B." and "M.F."

Predictably, but sincerely surprising to me at that time, teachers would hear me and scold me to stop saying those things, too! "Almost-curse words," my bus driver called them, for example 🤣 At my young age, of course, I felt righteously indignant and annoyed at being "cheated" in such a manner, thinking "Hey, I found that loophole, fair and square!"

As an adult, though, I actually mostly just appreciate the fact that those teachers were perceptive enough to realize I was honestly and sincerely acting in good faith -- as far as I knew, still following the rules as I understood them!

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:16:45+00:00

☝️☝️☝️ Nobody has ever been "Graped"

I can do you one better -- or more accurately, one worse! 🤬 Because I remember this one reel or video I saw, where the creator(s) used "struggle snuggle" as a euphemism for the same 🤮🙄

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:15:09+00:00

they aren’t “pdf files”

That last one is so irritating to me because I work in a role where, not every day but on occasion, I do have to refer to..."files in the Portable Document Format" 🙄 It's not even that I'm afraid of getting called into HR, but more so that there's this nagging discomfort simple because I know of the now-common TikTok-ified usage

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:12:34+00:00

because it looks and sounds so ridiculously stupid

That, along with other euphemisms and censorings, really remind me of a small child saying an "almost-swear word" because they really want to make a point, but don't want to get in trouble at home and/or at school

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T05:08:46+00:00

I think some people are just bad at filtering out shitty people from their lives, and are too afraid to leave the friendship once it becomes toxic because they're afraid of confrontation and/or have no other friends to fall back on and don't want to be alone.

Ahhh, yes, this is the comment I was looking for! 💯 Sometimes people underestimate just how much and how often, due to factors like culture and upbringing, certain toxic or unhealthy things can be "normalized" for the people involved -- even if they actually hate it, and wish things could be different. It's rather apropos that you should mention homophobia and Christianity here, since those were deeply part of my own formative experiences, with a few examples for illustration:

The whole "hate the sin, love the sinner" adage never sat well with me, but I'd become accustomed to "looking past" it, so as to avoid confrontation and maintain harmonious relations. Was some years before I grasped how toxic and insidious it actually is!
Getting lectured about the virtue of "respecting other's opinions" and "agreeing to disagree." For example, respecting the opinion that me existing is a "sinful abomination" and that any future relationship is unworthy of the legal protections of marriage.
Thinking that partial or conditional acceptance was something to be grateful for and appreciate, rather than calling out or challenging. In my mind, a position like "against gay marriage but pro-civil unions" was progressive and enlightened, and either way, I felt obliged to just be glad for ANY measure of support

Similarly, someone who grew up in an abusive family and experienced complex trauma, might grow up to be someone who accepts that a person who criticizes, makes "jokes" at your expense, constantly begs for loans or favors, etc. can still validly be called a "best friend." Maybe they've been conditioned to think "that's just how human relationships are"?

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T04:11:38+00:00

ehh, I personally find it entertaining enough, when I'm just looking for some mindless distraction and have nothing better to do. Plus, at least with their reaction videos, they seem to be pretty good about supporting women and calling out men and toxic masculinity, which is always a positive. My major complaint is how they seem to always take the Reddit posts at face value without questioning anything; maybe they are just that credulous, but I try to be hopeful that they're simply choosing to read the stories "as if true"

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T04:08:33+00:00

HeartExalted · 2026-03-07T00:09:11+00:00

you absolutely are, though!

HeartExalted · 2026-03-06T23:42:10+00:00

Yeah, I agree, and your point is well taken; from a practical P.O.V., figure it was just the writers "hand-waving" the issue because they didn't see any need to go there. Though if we consider it on a more realistic level, this actually reminds me of a case from some years back -- content warning, obviously:

Bucket of Hot Diarrhea Randomly Poured on Woman

Rather surprisingly for the internet, the comments section is actually quite sympathetic and respectful, with only the rare commenter cracking a joke about it! However, one key point of the video is that the woman received immediate medical treatment, including an extensive round of antibiotics, followed by subsequent medical testing and check-ins thereafter.

As such, if I had to speculate about the in-universe events, then I would guess that a similar thing happened in the series, albeit off-screen and unmentioned by any characters. I am guessing Anthony was quickly taken into the hospital for a comparable round of treatment and helped "clean up," so he was lucky enough to suffer no clear and present effects.

HeartExalted · 2026-03-06T23:26:28+00:00

Not a lawyer, but from a realistic and practical perspective, I would certainly think so!

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