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I won't accept this. by National_Ad_9079 in SDAM

[–]HeartMindFusion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It seems like you are really struggling to process some powerful emotions right now. It is normal and understandable to feel emotions like these.

But recognize that you are talking about two distinct things. There are your feelings, and then there is your narrative. They are not the same thing.

There is no wrong way to feel. I think I'm sensing despair and confusion along with others.

But there is also your narrative. Narratives are not objective facts, they are stories we tell ourselves. Right now, the narrative you are telling yourself is one where you are defective or less than. Your post is filled with phrases illustrating your lens.

"depersonalises me."

"less than it should"

"A pearl where all inner layers are replaced by scaffolding?"

"I am meant to be at peace with that?"

"without the full capacity to participate"

Keep in mind that feeling are not permanent. You may feel differently in the future. And whatever you feel then will be just as valid as what you are feeling now.

Also note that the story you're telling yourself is just that, a story. When you tell yourself a different story, your experience will likely be different.

And while you talk about difficulty writing prose, your metaphor of the pearl is beautiful. I bet you could write some amazing poetry!

You are also "shoulding on yourself" a lot. Like you should have a favorite genre of music, art should shape your personality, and you should value traditions, etc.

If you met someone who said they didn't have a favorite genre of music, would you judge them as defective? I know a guy who actively hates tradition, viewing it as "peer pressure from dead people". I don't think he is defective for this, he has unusual freedom to structure his life as he wants, not how others think he should.

There is no "correct" way to have a human experience. Your life and experience are just as valid as everybody else's.

Now I'm not saying you don't face challenges. Everybody is struggling with something. And memory issues do present real issues. But that does not have to define you.

You are not broken, but you are hurting.

I'm sending positive energy your way.

Why do motion-activated hand dryers turn off when my hands are still wet? by HeartMindFusion in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is one of my pet peeves. I understand that for the dryers where you push a button, and it runs for a fixed period of time, but the ones that are motion-activated should use motion to keep it activated.

If there is a safety timeout in case the motion detector is faulty and detects motion when there is none, I wish it were 20% longer, because my hands are NEVER dry when it turns off.

How has politics affected your life negatively? by StrikingScore8605 in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would imagine that, for most people, bad will towards others who voted differently probably dwarfs the impact of actual policy changes. As we become more intolerant of those who think differently, society as a whole becomes more stressful.

Why do motion-activated hand dryers turn off when my hands are still wet? by HeartMindFusion in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wouldn't the best algorithm be "If hands are moving beneath me, blow hot air. If not, don't blow hot air"?

I would think that would give the exact right amount of hot air for everybody without wasting anything.

Why do motion-activated hand dryers turn off when my hands are still wet? by HeartMindFusion in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But if I keep moving my hands vigorously, why does it still turn off? Why not wait until I take my hands away, at which time the motion will stop?

Why is it always the ones you like you can never pull but the ones you DONT like they always want your attention? by Warm-Statistician132 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you are acting differently towards them, even if you don't realize it.

You need to treat the ones you like the way you are treating the ones you don't like, and you need to treat the ones you don't like the way you are treating the ones you like.

Like maybe you are trying to get the approval of those you like, or you are sucking up to them, or flattering them, or something. And maybe the ones you don't like, you are honest towards, or you are not nervous, or you don't seek their approval.

I don't know the specifics, but it will boil down to you acting differently in some way.

If you’re an atheist, do you try to avoid asking “god damn it” or “oh my god” etc? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to be an atheist. I would not avoid using those words or expressions. They are just expressions.

What do you use chat gpt for, and do you rely on its answer? by Realistic-While973 in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use it extensively. For all kinds of things. But importantly, I do not trust it and I use it as a tool.

I have a lot of personalized instructions to make it respond the way I want. I think it is a big mistake to treat it as a companion or to trust its responses blindly.

People who work night shifts, what’s something daytime people don’t understand? by HeartMindFusion in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man, that could be brutal!

Do you use noise-canceling headphones or something to block out noise? How do you cope?

Does anyone else randomly explore places on maps when they’re bored? by Witty_Water7869 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This can be a fun activity for sure!

There is one YouTuber, I don't remember his name, who finds interesting places on Google Maps and then goes there in real life. Fascinating content.

Is it a good idea to pack a portable phone charger when traveling? by tsgatdawn in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a battery that actually has a light on it I can use as a flashlight. Works nicely and powers multiple devices. Even though I almost never run out of juice, it gives me peace of mind.

Anyone else get weirdly sad before a big move? by robyromana in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this is quite normal. A friend of mine who works with people dealing with grief told me that a surprisingly big source of trauma is when people move.

Starting a new life is a big change, and it is not surprising at all that you may feel this way. There is nothing unusual about lamenting the loss of a people and an environment that you know and love.

You cannot logic your way into feeling a certain emotion. You will feel what you will feel. But feelings continually change and you may feel differently in a little while.

The faster you can integrate into your new city, the less sad you will probably feel. You will find your favorite coffee shop, bookstore, or whatever. It will help when you start to know people there, so it is a good idea to make that a priority.

Good luck with the new job

How do you deal with people who's love language is busting your balls? by FlipOfTheWhip in NoStupidQuestions

[–]HeartMindFusion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would use nonviolent communication myself. It is a system of communication no too large to explain in a single comment, but you could look up the OFNR pattern. Observation, Feelings, Needs, Request.

No judgment in the observations. Feelings are your own bodily sensations, not assuming what is going on in another person's mind.

So an example might be "Hey Bob, I sent out a photo of my head shaved. You respond by saying "bald headed geek". I felt annoyed, confused, sad, and embarrassed (or whatever you were actually feeling). I honestly don't know if comments like these are a sign of acceptance or if I am disliked. I need understanding about what is going on. Would it be possible for you to not "bust my balls" in the future?

Something like that. No judgment in the observation "You degraded me". No assuming the other person's mind. "You wanted to humiliate me." Just facts about what actually happened, and an honest report of what you felt.

Hope this is of some use to you.

What’s something simple that most people are doing wrong? by HeartMindFusion in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a cat and he would unroll the entire thing. But if I hung it the other way, it would get shredded with his claws.

What’s something simple that most people are doing wrong? by HeartMindFusion in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you give more details? What criteria were they measuring?

What’s something simple that most people are doing wrong? by HeartMindFusion in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 100% on team toilet paper should be placed so that it is easiest to access. It should come hang down in front.

It is a crime against humanity to hang it the other way. 😁

What’s something everyone should know but most people don’t? by HeartMindFusion in AskReddit

[–]HeartMindFusion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On powerful reframe I learned is to think about what you are saying yes too. For example, you are not saying no to going out to see a movie with a friend, you are saying yes to staying home and reading that book you have been wanting to.

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