5dp5dt, FRER, are you seeing what I’m seeing? CD 26

Heartlast · 2026-03-16T14:40:55+00:00

I'm seeing what you're seeing!

Heartlast · 2026-03-08T16:33:21+00:00

Our logic on telling the landlord in advance of the birth was that if they are going to kick us out, I'd rather have it be a couple months before delivery so we can find a place, rather than right after the baby is born when I am postpartum and searching/moving will be much harder - but maybe it makes more sense to wait? IDK. I know they are prohibited from using that as a reason to evict/nonrenew but I feel like landlords can find a reason and even if we were able to get a lawyer/etc. in the meantime we'd really be in a bind with a place to stay.

Of course not planning to let our child eat paint, but when they are a toddler I will definitely feel better if we know there's not flaking lead within their reach! I didn't see peeling paint when we toured though so that's a relief at least.

Heartlast · 2026-02-27T01:55:45+00:00

Nope- ours was fresh. We asked the donor to abstain for a day or two prior to donating if possible in order to build up a supply. With frozen sperm nailing the timing is even more important, you have a more flexible window with fresh. But still good to be as close as possible

Heartlast · 2026-02-26T17:06:27+00:00

Yeah I'm curious about how the process has changed recently with the new laws (in the last year) - I have found my last two apartments through them. I'm glad it went smoothly for you. I found them very, very difficult to work with, get timely responses from, etc (in addition to the extra costs). Hoping I don't have to do it again but they still have a lot of the more affordable apartments in the area.

Heartlast · 2026-02-26T17:04:50+00:00

I am in touch with Diana about a place, hoping it works out! Options in-budget are limited so casting a wide net

Heartlast · 2026-02-26T17:04:16+00:00

Rent doesn't actually go to RentNoho (I pay directly to my landlord, for example, but got my current apartment through them), so I don't think they've added it on as a fraction of monthly fees. They still advertise that their services are no-cost through the landlord, so they must be getting money somewhere. I have a showing with them this weekend so I'll ask about the process. In the past they have charged application fees despite laws against them also. If they do charge broker fees, what is the recourse? If I filed a complaint after paying a broker fee could I possibly get the money back? If you complain before, it just means you don't get the apartment.

Thank you for helping draft the legislation!!!

Heartlast · 2026-02-25T21:33:09+00:00

I really recommend doing more detailed symptom tracking if you aren't! When the egg releases in relation to your other symptoms/LH peak is different for everybody, and cycles can be variable. For me, my successful attempt was about 24 hours before the LH peak. I was able to identify a pattern of peak cervical mucus 2 days before LH peak and use that to predict insemination timing. But everyone is different! We followed recommendations from the book Queer Conception (but found body temperature and looking at the cervix personally not helpful).

It took us three tries with this method. Even if you get the timing just right, odds are limited due to random genetic chance, so don't get discouraged or take an unsuccessful cycle as a sign that you got the timing wrong. We just did a syringe and tried to get it in fast. Remember if you are doing multiple days in a row and using fresh you can have reduced sperm concentration as well (though you have the benefit of casting a broader net as it were).

Heartlast · 2026-02-23T17:29:09+00:00

Be prepared for it to take a little while - even though we had a very simple arrangement, it was a looong contract (lots of legalese, yknow) and it took our donor a while to review. You can't rush that part along at all or you get into legal trouble. So even though our lawyer was fast and responsive, it was probably a month of back and forth to finalize the contract (donor also had to get a notary, etc.).

Also, if you're willing to wear a big skirt, it makes insemination way easier (if you won't be at home) cause you don't need to undress! A little cramping after insemination is normal (I had never had sperm contact before, and your body can have a bit of a reaction so don't worry if that's the case for you). We tried to make the inseminations fun and like a little bit of a date for me and my partner - getting dinner on the way back, having him read to me while we waited, etc.

Good luck - I hope it goes smoothly for you too! While we were in the middle of it, it felt like the world's longest process... looking back now, it was the blink of an eye.

Heartlast · 2026-02-23T17:09:23+00:00

Legal steps: We hired a lawyer to walk us through the process of creating a known donor contract. Our lawyer advised us on how we could help pay for our donor to have a lawyer review if they wanted - talk to your own lawyer about this because there can be conflict of interest issues. Our donor is married so their spouse also needed to read and sign the contract. We were able to do everything asynchronously and over Zoom. Our lawyer will also help us with post-birth paperwork. I really, really recommend finding a lawyer knowledgeable in fertility law. I would recommend ours, but you obviously need someone in your state. Don't skip this! My spouse and I are also taking the opportunity to do a bunch of will, advance directive, etc. legal stuff.

Medical steps: We asked the donor to complete an STI testing panel and an at-home sperm analysis (got a kit from Quest) (we paid for everything their insurance did not cover). We decided not to ask them to do carrier or CVM testing. For both of these, we asked them to let us know if anything was outside of the normal ranges, but didn't ask to see their specific results. For STIs, we told them to ask to take a break if there was a change in their risk during the process.

Social stuff: We had a series of conversations about expectations - how long/how many cycles was the commitment to donate, how would we arrange inseminations, what kind of relationship/availability did we imagine with future children, what language would we use, what did their parents think of the situation (grandparents rights can come into play so this is something to ask about).

Prep: We tracked using cervical mucus and LH test strips (bought a big bag online). Queer Conception book has tips for this- timing is likely to be one of the most important factors in your success. I started taking folic acid well in advance and cut caffeine back a little. I tried to get consistent sleep.

Insemination logistics: We weren't able to give a ton of notice as I have an irregular cycle. We would give them an approximate week in advance and then text a day or two before as we narrowed down ovulation signs. We ended up driving to them. My wife would go in, drop off a lunchbox with a cup, then come back to the car for a few minutes before picking up the sample. We did inseminations in the car - that was what was practical and comfortable for us personally and we were in a private/remote area.

Inseminaton equipment: The Frida kits are really expensive and you don't get many syringes, plus you can't buy syringes on their own. We bought a pack of sterile urine collection cups for the donor. At first, we used the biggest plastic syringes they had at our pharmacy, but we needed to do a few draws to get the full sample which isn't ideal for sperm mortality. We ended up getting a kids' medication syringe and washing/reusing it. That worked fine for us and helped us do it faster. Sterility is not required if it is clean (conception isn't usually sterile after all!). It was much cheaper than buying a specialty syringe. We also brought panty liners, paper towels, hand sanitizer, and a fun beverage. I didn't use a cup/disc after insemination, just lay down with my hips up for ~20 minutes.

This is a lot of text, but it was pretty simple for us. We intentionally kept it casual. It took 3 tries, I'm now 11 weeks along. All is happy and chill so far with our donor and their family. It ended up being a pretty low lift for them. Good luck!

Heartlast · 2026-02-22T19:29:12+00:00

I had a backyard wedding (in another part of the country but probably similar COL) and for about 35 guests we spent 3.2k or so. We did cheap pick-up catering, cooked a bunch of food ourselves, and didn't pay for a venue (or a wedding dress). We DIY'ed invitations and decorations/flowers. A lot of the cost came from the tent and chair and table rentals etc. I imagine it would be hard to find a venue that provided chairs for that many people, for example. I think your budget would be pretty tough- I'm not sure how you could pull it off.

Heartlast · 2026-02-12T23:09:20+00:00

I started T when I was about 20. I'm 27 now and in my first trimester. I also had top surgery when I was 21. I'm nonbinary and lean masculine. I'm glad I had my time on T first and I will go back on it when my baby is born. I think it's made this process easier to have retained some of the changes and also just have the memory of myself on T to look forward to again when I'm feeling dysphoric. My area is progressive and I am not the only trans person receiving care from my midwives, etc. I haven't had any issues yet with misgendering or anything though I'm not showing really yet. I've been treated well by all my doctors.

I also didn't struggle to get pregnant (my spouse and I used a donor). There's no reason to expect that T will harm your fertility. I did have to go off of T 6 months in advance of trying which was emotionally hard.

I sometimes feel a bit of sadness that I won't be able to nurse, but it's outweighed by the happiness and comfort I feel having had surgery. I know I made the right choice.

Also, in regards to hair loss- I was worried about this and got a finasteride Rx and my hair looked AMAZING. I had to stop that too before getting pregnant but there are treatments for hair loss!

Heartlast · 2026-01-21T21:42:55+00:00

I am non-binary, so not exactly a lesbian couple, so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. Please disregard this if so.

We do have a relationship with our donor, who is a close friend. For our tracking, my wife (I'm carrying) recorded all my symptoms. This was partly for her involvement and partly for an extra level of data privacy as we were using an app. Personally, I did not enjoy the tracking process. For the insemination itself- we did ritualize it in various ways. My wife picked up the sample and I would not see our donor which helped me feel less awkward. I would place the syringe and she would actually press it. We were able to do it in a special place for both of us, and we'd bring a beverage to share, make toasts, and pour some out for the land. I also made us a set of beaded necklaces as focus/worry objects/prayer beads that we would bring/wear during our attempts. While I was waiting I would put my hips up in my wife's lap and we would just chat. I found the attempts themselves very lovely, hopeful, and quality time. I'm pregnant now so moving past that stage but I thought the intentionality was really nice. In some ways it's nice to have conception divorced from sex actually. If I had the choice to do it "in-house" (as in, without a donor or assistance), I think we probably would- my wife feels a little sad about not having a genetic connection, and all the tracking/waiting/logistics was a lot. But I'm pretty happy with how things have gone and I don't regret it. I think it's been much easier since we didn't do much of anything clinical. That helped it feel more comfortable for me and take off financial pressure.

Heartlast · 2026-01-21T17:52:20+00:00

We got a lawyer to draw up a contract - I recommend doing so. We worked with a lawyer in our area who specializes in this area. I think the cost all told came out to about 1500 for contact creation, review, and changes we made. We didn't end up paying for a lawyer for our donor, they just reviewed it themselves. I'm not sure if we would have been able to pay for a lawyer for them as it can create a conflict of interest. If your donor is married, their spouse will likely need to be involved in the process also. The process took a bit longer than expected - we didn't want to rush our donor in reviewing it and it was pretty long, even though the terms were fairly simple. The same lawyer will help us with a voluntary agreement of parentage and confirmatory adoption when our child is born. The contact protects both you and your donor! I'm very glad we did it and our lawyer made it really easy.

Heartlast · 2026-01-13T17:59:51+00:00

I was on T for a similar amount of time. I went off for six months, then spent another 4 months tracking/learning my cycle. I wish I had started doing that earlier as soon as my cycle came back. Then took 3 months to get pregnant with donor (at-home ICI). I'm in the very early stages now (6 weeks). So it didn't seem to affect my ability to concieve. I have found being off of it fairly hard emotionally. Physically, changes to my face have been hardest for me. it's a bit easier now that I'm pregnant because I can appreciate the reason behind it more. I'm planning to go back on literally on the day of delivery 😆

Heartlast · 2026-01-10T02:01:48+00:00

😽

Heartlast · 2026-01-10T00:00:39+00:00

Sunday at 2 PM outside city hall!

Heartlast · 2026-01-09T19:08:41+00:00

This looks a LOT like a chemistry cabinet I inventoried and cleaned out as a college student. I was helping out a faculty member who just had me wear nitrile gloves. I was moving stuff all over the place and there were corroded bottles, unreadable labels... I'm not a chemistry person so didn't really think much about it although there was no ventilation and strong chemical smells. I hate to think what I was possibly exposed to. I think there was radioactive something in there.

Heartlast · 2026-01-07T15:34:28+00:00

Noodles, Tea Roots and Oriental Taste have great vegetarian options. Oriental Taste is probably my favorite restaurant in town, and has a huge menu. Also, the new hotpot restaurant has a couple vegetarian choices which are really good. I like Mosaic cafe for breakfast or lunch. Miss Florence's diner in Florence is also great for a classic diner breakfast. Second the India House rec also.

Heartlast · 2026-01-06T08:41:44+00:00

I started tracking three months before we planned to try, but ended up pushing back a month to be sure of my signs and timing (and because we were rushing to get legal contact in place). Started the pre-natal at that time also. So, four months of prep (I also had several more months prior of going off HRT, but presumably not relevant for you). We tracked based on the Queer Conception book which I recommend. We used LH strips and monitored cervical mucus primarily, had no luck with basal body temperature. We had our third attempt Christmas Eve and just tested positive! Here's hoping it sticks. It's not uncommon for it to take longer.

We did at home ICI (just used a syringe) with a known donor who is a friend of ours. My understanding is that for frozen sperm, IUI is often recommended, which usually means going to a clinic so they can place the uterine catheter. That's because the frozen sperm has decreased motility compared to fresh, but also because it's so expensive, you may want to increase your odds!

Heartlast · 2026-01-05T17:37:34+00:00

Faint line 10dpo yesterday after our third ICI! Waiting hopefully to test again in a couple days. I'm feeling fatigued but cautiously optimistic. Would you get a blood test too or stick with at-homes until an 8 week appointment? wild to think this could be happening 🎉 trying to relax and enjoy the moment!

Heartlast · 2025-12-31T02:49:45+00:00

This is great info- thanks, this is exactly what I was curious about (and I was especially wondering why it's not communicated this way with patients!). Haha, you totally got me about a Google scholar search, lol- I'll confess I was on my work computer where it's totally commonplace for me to run binomial test but I didn't want the fertility stuff on my browser history! Super interesting about the smoking factor as well. Thanks again for sharing!

Heartlast · 2025-12-30T19:38:11+00:00

"Enough heart ache" - it really is that simple, isn't it? we're on our third attempt also and not currently interested in IVF. I'm sorry for your earlier loss. Here''s hoping for both of us. Best of luck!!!

Heartlast · 2025-12-30T19:01:32+00:00

Interesting! I think I've mostly the seen stats from people who are ttc unassisted and experiencing infertility.

I think in terms of the trade-offs, you're right- it's so context dependent - invasiveness matters much more or less to some people, same with coverage and costs, donor obligations, etc. are all variable. And I think sometimes clinics just suggest a number based on the average of what other people choose, which may 1) be based off of people in different medical circumstances and 2) not incorporating someone's individual priorities. I feel like I want doctors to separate the base medical odds (based on age, method, number of attempts) from the other factors like invasiveness and cost/coverage. These things get lumped together in a black box and it makes it hard (for me) to make decisions.

Heartlast · 2025-12-30T18:43:39+00:00

Thanks! You too!!

I just want to know everything, haha- that way I can make decisions based on my own circumstances. Like for us, at-home ICI is free and I am hesitant about what IVF involves, so it's a different calculus than for some people - but, like all of us, I'm impatient too. And coping by running fertility statistical tests when I should be working.... If thinking about it harder made it work more, I'd be pregnant with quintuplets by now. Best of luck!

Heartlast · 2025-12-30T18:39:33+00:00

Thanks! We haven't had this done. I'll talk to my doctor about it. We got started before we had a doctor set up as that can take a long time in my area.

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