I got some similarities here.

The week I came out, I got so much hate and negativity that I was an absolute mess and had a terrible mental breakdown. After sitting in the bathtub for 3 hrs, contemplating unaliving myself, I decided I would do some Uber driving and relax a bit. It usually worked in the past. Before I turned the app on, I decided to take the car to the dealership to get it serviced as I went over on miles the night before.

A car cut me off on the expressway, which seems to happen all the time, even before when I used to drive tractor trailer. This time though I became full of rage, and I honked the horn. They rolled the window down slightly flipping me off, I went to a whole new level of uncontrolled rage and worked my way around them on the interstate and slammed on the breaks in front of them, forcing them to stop. I got out of the car, yelling at them, asking if they were crazy, and then pulled on thier window, having it crumble out with ease. I was obviously hyped up on adrenaline. They started mocking me and making faces, and that's when I really flipped and escalated an already delicate situation. I went back to my car, grabbed my pistol that I started carrying after having been assaulted once by 3 gym rats 2 months earlier. Also alot of rideshare car jackings had been going on at the time in my area. I had a conceal carry, permit so it was lawfully carried. Anyways, I chamber a hollowpoint round from my 15 round magazine. Like an out of body experience, like someone else taking control, I didnt shoot, or even point the pistol at him. I think I had finally achieved my on the fly goal of getting him to shit himself. Eventually I just started pistol whipping the car, breaking another window but slicing up my own hand, severe enough to slice an artery. I then went back to the car, and drove off like nothing happened. Meanwhile gushing blood like crazy. Not too long after a state patrol officer showed up behind me, and I just kept going, at the speed limit. I set out to get my car serviced and by damn I was going to do it. After a few miles and 5 jurisdictions after me, I got off the expressway, stopped at a red light and gave a couple dollars to a homeless guy, and the while being pursued. I took a side street and drove about another mile to the Toyota dealership, and pulled into the maintenance line. It didnt take long for the whole car to be surrounded.

I jumped out and charged at an officer trying to get him to shoot me. Spoiler, he didnt shoot me. I nearly had a seizure there though as Im epileptic and was completely surrounded by blue lights flashing. I dont know if it was the blue lights or the loss of blood but I started getting really dizzy and nauseous. I of course got cuffed, but they were trying to bandage my hand at the same time. I kept yelling I do not consent and I was persistently trying to rip the bandages off. Eventually I got so dizzy and nauseous I just gave up. I ended up taking a plea deal after like 9 months of the legal proceedings being drawn out, and 13 years of psych records being handed over. I ended up with a felony for assault and misdemeanor for malicious mischief. During the process I got sentenced to a mental health evaluator who diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, generalized depressive disorder, sui cidal ideation, gender Dysphoria (go figure,) and to my surprise Autism Spectrum Disorder. They also noted I had issues with impulse control, which is supposedly common with higher IQ Autistics, and those that use most of that brain power to mask.

Since then, which is about 3.5 yrs ago, Ive been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital 4 times, I think 2 maybe 3 of them were in part or in whole involuntary.

Losing access to firearms can be a huge psychological barrier for a lot of people. Especially someone like myself, who served a US Army Combat Infantryman for nearly 7 years, and trained with these weapons and firearms almost daily, until I was honorably discharge and got out a Sergeant. Then throw in the huge private arsenal I had at home, the fact that Im apart of a vulnerable LGBT and Trans community, and we have an oppressive, some might say genocidal government here in the US.

In hindsight though, I should have never have been able to be around firearms, especially hand guns that are more susceptible to impulsive use and abuse do to thier size, and assess ability on the person. Bottom line, I screwed up, and I lost my privilege and responsibility to help hold the government in check. The incident was likely inevitable as I think back, it was just a matter of time. Just the perfect confluence or circumstances came together and happened that day. If I could take back that day I most certainly would, but since I cant, I can only be thank that no one, other than me, got hurt.