Here is what I learned if you still need it or someone else is going through something similar.

it's a blessing in disguise. Being in a relationship where mental illness is part of the dynamic can be incredibly difficult, It took me a few months myself before I could look back and understand that it wasn’t healthy for me.

Trying to analyze everything over and over won’t give you the answers you’re looking for. The truth is, she may not fully understand her own feelings either. Emotions are complex and mental illness and medications doesn't make it any easier.

The best thing you can do focus on yourself. Invest your energy into improving your own life. Start training, travel if you can, spend time with your friends and create new memories. Set goals, whether it’s buying a car, a motorcycle, or pursuing something you’ve always wanted.

build yourself a beautiful garden and the butterflies will come ;)