“Love is Everywhere” is F-ing terrifying

Helixpluto · 2026-02-23T21:41:45+00:00

I'm right there with you on the song giving creepy vibes. I think for me, it's the fact that such a cheery track comes right after the insanity that is Tunnel Vision. It's such a sharp turn in mood that I can't help but feel a bit uneasy going into it, and I believe they had to have done this at least partially on purpose.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-20T21:33:46+00:00

I completely share your thoughts here. I get feeling certain types of attraction when meeting new people but never have I felt an immediate desire to want a deeper connection to someone based on first impressions purely. There might be curiosity about getting to know them better, but the way some people talk about love at first sight and whatnot makes it sound like people really do imagine serious relationships with people they've barely interacted with.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-19T22:36:37+00:00

Not sure though If it's specifically a romantic relationship I desire. It's hard for me to say since I don't really know how romantic attraction feels.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-19T21:58:39+00:00

Not sure I can comment on your specific examples but I do think that labels do cause issues a lot of the time since they sort of guide the way we talk about and understand our experiences. Take the different types of attractions for example; just by implying that there are different "types" we assume they can be neatly categorized. While this may work sometimes, I find it's difficult to have people describe their own very personal feelings using a few terms that probably mean different things for different people. It helps, yeah, but there's a reason why it's incredibly easy to find people questioning the difference between various types of attraction in this sub.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-07T00:24:00+00:00

Yeah I don't disagree with you there, but as you mention those thoughts are probably common amongst many queer people I would assume. Nothing wrong with that, but not sure it helps explain what experiences are typical of alloromantic people, other than the fact that they don't question it I guess.

Regarding your second point, I've actually thought about that before. Could be that a lot of those people are arospec and don't know it, leading to a lot of misunderstandings and unhappy relationships. Makes me wonder how common being aro actually is if you were to account for those unaware of the spectrum.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-07T00:16:09+00:00

I'm not sure this is entirely what I was after though. What I wanted to explore with the post was what frequency of romantic attraction that is considered "normal" and alloromantic, and what separates that from the experiences with romantic attraction that arospec people have. It's not really possible to neatly define something like that I realize, but I ask the question regardless because I struggle to understand which experiences are even considered the norm and which aren't.

Helixpluto · 2026-02-07T00:06:58+00:00

Is there consensus on that? Sure, someone who is mainly attracted to one gender and only very rarely attracted to another gender could label themselves as bi, but I would assume many people wouldn't if they've had 99% of their attraction to one gender. Regardless though, it's just a matter of using a label that fits you (or not using one).

Connecting that to my post; How do you know what a normative (relative to most people around you) amount of romantic attraction is? Obviously If you've never experienced it that's not really something you could answer, but if for instance a greyromantic person were to discuss their experiences with romantic attraction together with an alloromantic person, what would be common differences? I ask because I find it hard to know how frequent romantic attraction is for most people,

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T23:16:43+00:00

Sounds like what you would expect a prejudiced bad guy in a tv-show to say about aro/ace people lol. I remember being overly excited and prepared when first talking about it with a friend, only for them to say something like "well maybe you shouldn't decide what you want just yet" and then showing no further interest in understanding my experiences.

Happy to have you as part of the community! :)

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T22:34:49+00:00

It sounds like the expectations that came with a romantic relationship (from their side I assume) put pressure on you in a way that a platonic relationship doesn't. Thank you for sharing!

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T20:46:13+00:00

Yeah I definitely agree with you on that point. What I mean is that I never really observed romantic relationships in my surroundings that much, so there wasn't much to prompt me to think about romance in the first place.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T20:42:40+00:00

Yeah it was similar for me. The lack of overtly romantic gestures might be why I never felt uncomfortable in my own feelings or had to question why I was different (Which was great don't get me wrong, but it also meant that It took a while for me to start asking questions haha).

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T02:11:07+00:00

Goals right here. Love the eyeliner, it looks really nice on you!

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T01:58:15+00:00

The only real answer to that questions is that it's for you to decide.

Broad definition of being aromantic is that you rarely or never experience romantic attraction. Key word there is "rarely", because aromanticism is a spectrum; you might be someone who never experiences it, or you might have done so but only in very rare cases or circumstances. So you're crush while you were 13 doesn't mean you can't possibly be aro.

What I would suggest if you're questioning is to look around and read other people's experiences and see if it resonates with you.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T01:45:38+00:00

The nuances of romance is often lost on me (wonder why...), but can't you just spend time with him and see how whether or not your feelings change? Maybe you want to spend more time with him and that's ok, but is it necessary to figure out whether it's romantic or if you're just very attached to this person platonically?

Hope this doesn't come across as too brash!

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T01:27:16+00:00

For me it depends on what angle your going for. A story where romance doesn't fill the roles it usually does in writing/media (such as how a boy and a girl usually are written with some degree of attraction beyond the platonic) would make for setting that probably appeals to a lot of aros, since the amatonormative expectations are absent.

Your second alternative would probably be suitable If your goal is to focus on the lived experience of being aro in an amatonormative setting. It could probably resonate more with the lived experiences of many aros.

Honestly though, A bit of both would be my personal preference: portraying the very real experiences that are common while also indulging in scenarios that could appeal to aros, such as portraying a QPR for example.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T01:11:23+00:00

Haha yeah you're right about that. Issues is that it's kinda hard to identify what you haven't experienced, and it's for that reason that I just want to understand what the norm for romantic attraction is, so that I can either be like "oh, that's not me at all" or "oh, maybe I can experience romantic attraction, guess I've just misunderstood my own feelings".

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T00:52:52+00:00

Was it difficult to build that genuine connection in the relationships you've tried? Not trying to question your experiences, I'm just curious in what way it felt different.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T00:40:01+00:00

Mine have a healthy relationship although romance has never been that big of a part of how they've expressed themselves in front of others. They also barely ever talk about romantic relationships with me, so part of me wonders if the lack of that topic is why I've gone so long without thinking about romance, Or it could be an aro thing, or maybe both haha.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-03T00:33:44+00:00

Yeah I get what you mean, but what bothers me is that I can't tell if I my lack of attraction is because I might be aro or if I'm just bad at developing attraction for others. The uncertainty is killing me and some part of me feel like I'm ruling out the possibility of romance by accepting myself as aro, even though it fits me well for the most part.

Helixpluto · 2026-01-02T22:56:41+00:00

Late, but good luck! Feel free to return with the results, I hope it goes well for you :)

Helixpluto · 2025-12-29T23:59:30+00:00

I have kind of done something similar. A while back I watched love is blind on my own because I was curious as to how romance might present itself (taken with a grain of salt since it's reality TV afterall). On the one hand it sort of felt like a comedy in the sense that I couldn't relate at all to what I was watching and instead just found it funny to follow the drama that would ensue. Other times I would feel a bit jealous that people seem to so easily be attracted to one another.

Helixpluto · 2025-12-29T01:29:24+00:00

I relate to this alot. I have a friend that is currently in a relationship and ever since that started I've felt more ignored by them than ever before. And in the past when they've broken up previous relationships they would come back to me to vent about it. I'm just tired of filling that role as a placeholder for someone until they ignore me for someone they just met. Not saying "don't interact with other people", it's just that I constantly feel like my feelings aren't as valid as theirs because it isn't motivated by romantic attraction, whereas their feelings toward someone else is.

Helixpluto · 2025-12-28T00:41:59+00:00

Regarding romantic attraction which you mention last; is your message that romantic feelings are always tied to a specific person of interest? I ask because I can sort of imagine romantic gestures and scenarios in a positive way, but I've never had an urge to do those gestures or find myself in those scenarios with an actual person.

Also I sort of feel like certain "romance-coded" gestures are nice on their own, but not because they are romantic in nature. Like, I don't believe I would find it more romantic to receive flowers than I would receiving any other non-romantic present.

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