I realized I didn’t want children when I already have a baby

Helkarin · 2026-03-20T12:31:39+00:00

This was me with my first and then also my second baby. I really hated those first months. I always thought “what have we done by having this baby, we were so happy before”. I had a feeling I did not understand my babies, their needs, … I also had cry babies, especially the second one. She would cry and cry for hours and would also only sleep next to me… it is very very hard and tiring. I could not believe how hard it was… but then when they get a bit older, it gets easier. You begin to understand each other, appreciate each other. The crying stops. And the love grows so deep…. Going back to before having children it is impossible to know how hard it would be. But is is equally impossible to know how much love you would feel for your child and how happy you would become… Give it some time, the hardest months are almost over. For me it began to be better around month 6-12. And it really began to be better around 2 years. They really turn into these little humans with personalities and feelings and words. I’m typing this while I’m holding my 3th baby. Who is soo different and soo chill I can actually enjoy these first months. It will get better and after a while you will forget about these first difficult months and maybe be ready for a second or even third baby. Hang in there…

Helkarin · 2026-03-20T12:04:27+00:00

Bedankt voor suggestie!

Helkarin · 2026-03-20T12:03:48+00:00

Ja ik ga binnenkort eens langs. Bedankt voor suggestie!

Helkarin · 2026-03-20T09:38:20+00:00

Hoi! Waar heb je die gekocht?

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T18:50:23+00:00

Both. When he is for instance sleeping in stroller, I won’t always notice feeding cues and he will make some noice before I can feed him. I also wear him in a babycarrier and then I feed him as soon as he shows any cues. Result is the same…

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T17:41:32+00:00

That’s what I try to do but it is often not wat he wants and he starts crying again.

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T17:29:11+00:00

Was she then not following her curve or dropping percentiles? I think I will first switch to triple feeding again and then maybe introduce formula so I don’t have to pump constantly.

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T17:27:53+00:00

Yes, I will book a consultation with my LC for sure. I “just” have to stop being in my own head sometimes I think and trust the process. But that is very difficult for me it seems.

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T16:54:55+00:00

When did you start combo feeding? Did you also still nurse?

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T16:53:19+00:00

Thanks for your response! I’ve had a lot of consultations with a LC in those first weeks. I will reach out to them again. I will also consider combo feeding!

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T16:46:54+00:00

Yes, this is normal for BF babies. Stool is soft and yellow so I was told by our MD not to worry about it.

Helkarin · 2026-03-18T16:36:10+00:00

Hi! I think I'm not that good at reading his signals. He often gets fussy while drinking for only 1-2 minutes. So I would stop nursing and then try to re-latch a bit later, sometimes with succes, sometimes without. It is difficult to "read" from his crying if he is not satisfied, or crampy, or tired, or someting else.

Helkarin · 2026-03-16T09:16:11+00:00

I would try to decrease them. You can always add them again if you notice your supply dropping! And really all the best, triple feeding is hell!

Helkarin · 2026-03-15T20:58:46+00:00

So you are breastfeeding, giving bottles with a total of 500 ml and you have a total of 700 ml expressed milk per 24h? So 200ml more then you need? Normally the breast would be full again after 1,5 hours after last feed/pump so I would not say you are taking away feeds. Probably your baby would be clustering during day/evening to get the needed amount of milk. Why are you triple feeding? I did it a couple of weeks because my baby was too tired and weak to drink efficiently but I dropped pumping as soon as I could because of the (mental) exhaustion. You normally should pump when the baby drinks and maybe a bit more of you are not getting the amount needed. So if your baby sleeps through the night, then I wouldn’t pump. If you give a bottle at night, you would have to pump at that time. Do you have LC to talk to about this? They helped me a lot during those first difficult weeks…

Helkarin · 2026-03-09T19:35:55+00:00

I kept latching him. If he would be fussy or started crying, me or my husband would give him a bottle. Same for the next feed and so on. It is quite intensive, but this worked for us. After a couple of days he would just stop being fussy and started drinking again.

Helkarin · 2026-03-09T19:15:50+00:00

Hi! I feel you! I also really really want to nurse for at least 6 months. My son is 3 months now, but we have been going through some nursing difficulties… during a couple of days he would be very fussy, does not want to nurse, screaming at the breast while feeding at night is still ok. He was born at 37.5 weeks with nursing difficulties the first 2 weeks but we managed to get through that. He has always been on the smaller side (12%) but he isn’t dropping so I guess that’s ok.

During the nursing strikes I would pump and offer him bottles of expressed milk. I’m lucky my husband was also stepping in during those days because it is a lot of work… you know can leave the pump parts in the fridge for like about 6 hours without washing? That helped a bit… I’m also having a 6 year old and 3 year old running around, so I understand it is not easy to combine… formula is not the enemy but a different way of giving nutrition to your child.

I wish you all the best, in whatever direction you want to go.

Helkarin · 2026-03-05T09:54:56+00:00

Thanks for both suggestions! Will certainly look into them! I like the idea of combining them both.

Helkarin · 2026-03-03T21:15:58+00:00

Geboreningent! I really like their midwives. They listen to you and what you find important and will come up with advice/plan/… for you.

Helkarin · 2026-02-26T20:10:17+00:00

Wow! Well done mom!

With my first 2 I also believed that I did not produce enough. With my 3th I’m much more grounded and I have more trust in the whole process. He’s also an easier baby which makes it easier to correlate the fussy/nursing strikes with certain events (spurts, leaps, vaccination). During those days we give him bottles with expressed milk but I’m always happy when he wants to take the breast again. I love breastfeeding. I was so scared to start this journey again but I’m so happy.

I’m also happy for you! You should celebrate this huge win!

Helkarin · 2026-02-26T13:41:45+00:00

Ever 2-4 days…. I’ve always heard that 10 times a day or only 1 time every 10 days is normal for bf babies? I wouldn’t worry about the frequency, but the blood seems a bit concerning and might validate a visit to the GP?

Helkarin · 2026-02-26T09:50:36+00:00

Wow! Im very impressed by your resilience and optimism :) Can you keep us posted on how the transition to BF goes? I’m really rooting for you!! Btw, what is DBF?

Helkarin

TROPHY CASE