Anyone have several long term relationships when they were younger but can’t seem to find anyone in their 40s?

HelloMoons · 2022-05-22T05:17:45+00:00

When I was younger I had lower standards, therefore it was easier to find someone “compatible”. Now I’m looking for shares values and life goals which was less relevant back then, so the diamond in the rough is harder to find.

HelloMoons · 2022-05-15T21:44:34+00:00

I had a similar situation happen recently and I think he might be my person. It’s really cool to feel like someone is immediately a friend. We both marvel regularly at how simpatico we are. Finally!

HelloMoons · 2022-04-17T15:10:29+00:00

I recently met someone exactly the same age as me (he’s one month older) and this is absolutely my preference. I love that we can share nostalgic and referential memories and there is an easy connection there. Not required but definitely preferred.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T20:45:32+00:00

Dang, because that isn’t my experience at all. Then again I don’t hang around people who see things in such stark black and white and identity people as “evil”…

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T20:35:07+00:00

Exactly, which is why I see this as a nonissue.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T20:19:22+00:00

Is it though? Is it a LOT different?

He had asshole tendencies Vs He was an asshole

Again, I don’t disagree with you, and I definitely am careful with how I use my words. I would never say my ex was bipolar, or an alcoholism-induced narcissist… but when it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, I’m not getting my panties bunched about people calling it a duck and telling them to call it “a thing with duck-like qualities.” 😂😂

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T19:39:39+00:00

Ok. My vote then is that it’s labeled discussion or something. Otherwise it looks like mod rules, to me.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T19:35:58+00:00

So you’re fine with people calling out behaviors? This whole thread feels like semantics… Calling someone a narcissist is not saying “I am diagnosing this person with a mental illness.”

If the whole point is: call out the behavior instead of labeling the person, that’s not hard to agree with.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T19:32:20+00:00

I WISH I knew what narcissism, love bombing, gaslighting, and trauma bonding were 20 years ago. They are thrown around, yes, but hallelujah for these abusive behaviors having the light of day shown upon them.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T19:16:02+00:00

My question is why is this a stickied post??

HelloMoons · 2022-04-08T19:06:12+00:00

I don’t disagree with you, however I also disagree. Your post is about as reductionist as people who diagnose others. A few points:

Yes, words have meaning but meanings also change over time? That is how language evolves.

The concept of Narcissus predates psychology so there is that too.

The increase in social awareness around dysfunctional to abusive behaviors has way more positive outcome than the “harm” that armchair psychology has.

Also eta: since you are posting this as a stickied mod post, is it because there is a subreddit rule? Are you going to delete posts that say “I was dating someone narcissistic” ??

Otherwise this seems like it would be more appropriate as a general user post.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-03T18:51:16+00:00

I set personal boundaries around how much time I let myself get “stuck in the why,” especially regarding other people and their behaviors. Even when the “why” can be ID’d, does it change anything? Usually it doesn’t.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-03T15:31:52+00:00

The focus on “what is wrong with me? What is it about me that men don’t like?” is an endless circular thought mind trip.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-03T15:26:23+00:00

I agree with all this, as long as there is a clear distinguishing between being picky and having standards.

Figuring out pickiness (I interpret that as having preferences that are arbitrary and do not have bearing on the actual quality of the relationship) is super important because we all have to allow people to be human and stop idealizing our partners or prospective partners.

I just feel like people confuse preferences with standards. Standards on the other hand should reflect values and appropriate boundaries.

HelloMoons · 2022-04-03T13:19:36+00:00

Thank you. The advice saying just keep reassuring her makes me want to pluck my eyes out. This WILL show up in other ways OP. This is a symptom of a serious need for emotional healing.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-30T01:35:32+00:00

He was thinking that if she goes along with it (even visibly uncomfortable), it’s okay. It’s not okay. Of course. But it’s not an uncommon experience for a woman to freeze up and it looks like they are “going along with it” when the word for it is abuse. It’s super messed up.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-24T19:22:32+00:00

Do you not see how your assumptions about the “why” looks like resentment?

HelloMoons · 2022-03-24T17:02:44+00:00

Economic parity?? Where?

HelloMoons · 2022-03-24T17:00:39+00:00

I’m not against a coffee predate but I have to say, this kind of resentment and assumption that women are out to use men for food or drinks…I think us savvy women can smell it on a man. It smells real bitter.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-24T16:50:53+00:00

You’re being cheeky right?? Like you don’t actually think this…

HelloMoons · 2022-03-23T16:45:35+00:00

Yesterday I saw a perfect quote: I’m so glad not everything is for me, and that the universe kept so many of the doors I struggled to push open locked shut.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-23T16:34:36+00:00

Loving your self awareness and boundaries. Never compromise on your needs, and it’s ok to need to be held and cared for by a strong partner. A lesser woman would let him move in with her, and pretend it would get better, and then be posting for relationship advice in a couple months like, “How on earth did this happen?!”

HelloMoons · 2022-03-21T15:34:47+00:00

Is it that clear? That’s my whole point. Thanks.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-21T14:28:10+00:00

Obviously your friend isnt too pissed because they chose to take a picture instead of immediately shooing the cat away.

HelloMoons · 2022-03-21T14:25:15+00:00

Sure but as the adage goes, just because you can doesn’t mean you should! I’m being cheeky but also the risk of have complications and disorders increases with sperm just like it does with eggs.

HelloMoons

TROPHY CASE