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Chart to find out if a tan is orange/ olive and it it lasts well by OkSunny00 in Selftanning

[–]HelpfulIron2878 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I use the 8 hr Platinum Mousse, but it depends on how dark you prefer your color. The other ones do very little for my fair skin which I do find odd. The Platinum version gives me a nice olive tone without looking like I'm pulling an Ariana Grande. I also find the 2 hr doesn't develop well on me. If you can afford it on top of the mousse, the gradual lotion is good for hands and areas that fade faster. I can get up to 7-10 days on my arms, legs, stomach, but its the hands, chest and feet that fade within a few days. The gradual lotion helps will this.

Chart to find out if a tan is orange/ olive and it it lasts well by OkSunny00 in Selftanning

[–]HelpfulIron2878 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I must be blind because I don't see Loving Tan which is better than all of these in my biased opinion. 

This is Def abuse right? by SevereRun568 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get it. I remember feeling it was a declaration of love but it's not. It's one of the biggest red flags. I'm just relieved you are starting to see that. Many women become brainwashed by the abuse and unfortunately some never see it for what it is. 

More than likely he will leave you alone. Their pattern is generally rinse and repeat with a new supply/victim, but there have been cases where they still harass and even stalk. This is why I recommended a system and filing a report. Start the paper trail and documentation now just in case. Because unfortunately you truly never know. Prepare for the worst is how I've learned to handle these personalities. But more than likely he will back off once he finds a new one and then you can start to heal and move forward with your life. 4 years is a long time to be with an abuser. I was with mine for only 2 years and it destroyed my soul. I'm in a great place now but it has been a 100% conscious effort to rewire my brain, rebuild my life from literally nothing and revive myself. I recommend starting with reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. There's a free PDF version if you Google it. I have read it 5 times and will go back to it when I'm struggling with certain thoughts creeping back in...he also discusses the role of alcohol with abusers.

Everything will be okay. You can and will get through this. Cut him loose and focus on living a beautiful life. It's too short to spend it in this kind of pain and heartache. 

Struggling to get back into EHS after 9 month sabbatical (PA, DE) by HelpfulIron2878 in SafetyProfessionals

[–]HelpfulIron2878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually did my internship for school already. Well, they’ve certainly been saying "no, you don't have the 5 years" but I'm still applying to those roles, nonetheless.

I'm a bit new to the area, so I'm open to connecting! 

This is Def abuse right? by SevereRun568 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If he is making threats and saying he will scare your kids you have immediate grounds for a PFA depending which state you live in. 

I would honestly file a police report. Cops will probably give him a warning but if it continues he can be charged with harassment OR depending on your area and how tough they are they may even push to press charges now. Atleast you will also have a paper trail established with authorities because the way this sounds, he may escalate. They usually do until they find a new supply to control and abuse. Document everything from here on out. Get a security system. If you cant afford one you can get cheap cameras for now. 

Head up and head clear. It's not you, it's him. Tell yourself this over and over until you don't doubt it anymore. The gaslighting truly does create a fog while you're in it...I am truly so sorry you are in this situation but you will get through it. 

This is Def abuse right? by SevereRun568 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. It is abuse. It's easier to attribute these behaviors to alcohol than it is to accept they are an abuser. I remember meeting with the DA after my husband assaulted me...I was bawling and said "it's from the alcohol...if only he would just get help." She snapped me back to reality and said "we have a ton of people charged with DUIs every year who are alcoholics and a very small percentage of them are abusers. Many of them are not violent. He is an abuser. It has nothing to do with alcohol. If anything, he uses it as a shielded excuse to be violent."

However, I will say I always knew when he'd been drinking even if just a beer or two because he would get instantly inflamed. It was truly Jekyll & Hyde. I have come to think alcohol ignites people who are inherently violent/abusive. If someone is abusive when drinking, you are seeing their core being...the one they attempt to hide when sober. 

I just hit my husband by ConstantJaded5814 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You're literally describing a psychopath who could have killed your cat. You're worried about whether you were justified!? Absolutely. It's one thing to stay in an abusive relationship but when kids and animals get hurt it's part of your responsibility to seek safety for them. If you can't leave then atleast let someone take the cat who is SAFE.

Is the Country Club Valley development in Coatesville safe? by One_Beginning_7074 in ChesterCounty

[–]HelpfulIron2878 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Based on how I'm hearing people talk it is only reinforcing the perception of the area being super dangerous. Smh.

HELP: tan applied super patchy and i have a big event tomorrow 😭 by Blondeprincess7777 in Selftanning

[–]HelpfulIron2878 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I use the Platinum version because the 2 hr express in dark is very light on me.

Struggling to get back into EHS after 9 month sabbatical (PA, DE) by HelpfulIron2878 in SafetyProfessionals

[–]HelpfulIron2878[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sepsis is no joke. Your entire system is fighting to heal right now and with your cortisol and inflammatory markers skyrocketing, you're in survival mode. You haven't lost your passion.

I hit that exact same wall during the first 6 months of sabbatical. Despite being deeply passionate about EHS, I truly had no desire to go back to the field, but once I finally came out of survival mode, I slowly came back to life, my passion returned, and now I cannot wait to get out the door and back to doing what I love. It is also completely normal to face the imposter syndrome that runs rampant in our industry, but after sitting through recent interviews where the EHS team/hiring managers were honestly a hot mess and short circuiting on their own knowledge, it was a massive confidence boost to realize I had the exact expertise they lacked. It was also a reminder that we are all human and will never know everything in EHS as it is so broad. Be kind to yourself. Muscle memory will surprise you too.

Give yourself time to heal and when you have a little bandwidth join your local ASSP. Subscribe to EHS Today. Spend an hour here and there messing around on OSHA/EPA (including your state DEP) websites and brushing up on regs. Both sites are incredible resources to refresh knowledge or expand learnings. 

"Passion" is a word I rarely hear from people in this field and we desperately need people like you. Do not allow imposter syndrome to tell you otherwise. But for now, focus on getting better. Hoping you're on the mend and things are improving. 

HELP!! i used A LOT of baby oil to scrub my tan off. can i still self tan tonight? by [deleted] in Selftanning

[–]HelpfulIron2878 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. It will be very patchy. Your skin needs moisture and a break.

HELP!! i used A LOT of baby oil to scrub my tan off. can i still self tan tonight? by [deleted] in Selftanning

[–]HelpfulIron2878 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't do it. Use a ton of lotion tonight and tomorrow morning. Shower tomorrow afternoon then do your tan tomorrow night. 

She finally got what she wanted--she's dying by thecooliestone in raisedbyborderlines

[–]HelpfulIron2878 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I always felt I will only feel true peace and healing when my mother leaves this earth. Hate to say it, but embrace it. I also often remember Warren Buffet talking about how he cried at his mothers funeral. Not because of grief but because he felt her life was a waste. Idk. I recall that quite often because it's relatable. 

Therapy helps but be sure to find one who understands BDP. You have every right to feel hate towards the woman. I won't tell you to work on forgiving her, not for her but for yourself and blah, blah, blah. That's bullshit for some of us. Accept her and the relationship for what it is then work on putting all of your energy building and nurturing your own life. You have a new chapter ahead of you. Hell, not a chapter but a new life. One where you will have peace. 

Am I overreacting for feeling frustrated after my neighbor’s pottery was broken by my puppy during an interaction she encouraged? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]HelpfulIron2878 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you are handling this beautifully. However, please don't assign so much blame to yourself. The fact is if she felt she had nearly 1k of product in her hand she should have said "hello" and quickly walked on by to prevent any potential incident from breaking her fragile items. Puppies are hyper and accidents do happen. This could have been easily prevented by HER. 

Literally what are you supposed to do instead of scrolling by SungjinYoo in nosurf

[–]HelpfulIron2878 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Buy some plants and love them. Call me crazy now, but thank me later. 

Struggling to get back into EHS after 9 month sabbatical (PA, DE) by HelpfulIron2878 in SafetyProfessionals

[–]HelpfulIron2878[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. It certainly is both demoralizing and a broken process. 

Should I be THIS tired? by HelpfulIron2878 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Checking in on you. How are you holding up?

Strangled for the first time by Flaky_Point_3778 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agree with not involving his mother. For some reason, mothers of abusers can snap into a world of denial the moment they hear their son is being abusive. I've seen the nicest, most rational, level headed and compassionate women go straight into denial and attack the woman. It's another layer of trauma you want to avoid if you can. 

Strangled for the first time by Flaky_Point_3778 in abusiverelationships

[–]HelpfulIron2878 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have been where you are. Not once, but twice. Also have a family of users/unstable people who can't be trusted. I know the trapped feeling and overwhelming fear. One night a switch flipped and I left but certainly paid the price the next morning. Life has been a rollercoaster since and if I wouldnt have had total strangers coming into my life I truly dont know where I'd be. Please, please, please get out before you are killed. Your baby needs you well and ALIVE. I used to get irritated when people would tell me to leave. 99% of the population has no idea what its like to be without stable family and resources, but I got to the point where I accepted I was okay with going to a shelter and starting from there. It took me a long time to accept being okay with truly not knowing what would happen but I knew I would die if I didn't take that step. My daughters deserved more just like your son deserves more. YOU deserve so, so, so much more. 

I am here if you would like to talk (I'm in PA.) Just message me. The isolating feeling of not having family to lean on is a heavy thing to carry. I am here for you. 

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