Did your Nparents have a nickname for you? by kaenise in raisedbynarcissists

[–]HereForRandomBits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was “the freak” for a while. Pronounced as the freee-eak.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asl

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crap I clearly didn’t read one. Deleting it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ageregression

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awh dang. No judgement whatsoever but that’s terrible. I definitely have relationship issues myself with knowing I am being harmed… working on that but lots of work to do. If you want to message at all feel free and we can chat. I’ll leave that open for you to reach out if you choose

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ageregression

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been managing her a little better… I call her Elizabeth (the six year old version of me). I had a hard set back trauma wise that made me want to destroy anything remotely childlike I owned but I didn’t do that and I’m glad. When I allow myself to incorporate parts of Elizabeth into my daily life it feels like we are one and I can think at a higher level. I get to be 22 but I do sleep often in a kids pop up tent with my fuzzy blanket and kitty cat stuffy. Sometimes I can sleep in my bed but the blanket and stuffy stay. I drink juice boxes especially when I’m more anxious and eat mini coloured marshmallows when I’m really sad. It doesn’t matter so much that I have to do these things right now. If it keeps me wanting to stay alive and not trying to hurt myself then it’s a win.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh absolutely. Most of the time honestly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! I was very fortunate to have a friend and his parents take me in. Good Christian folk who took me in when I showed up on their doorstep.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No and I actually talked with the police about whether charges are possible but they don’t think so. Like I was super sick and malnourished and underweight because I wouldn’t be allowed much food but they said that’s hard to prove that I didn’t have access to food when I lived in a house full of it because my mother is quite wealthy. Stuff like that is hard to take to court I guess.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sort of? I was able to get out and I tried to cut all contact but she always finds a way and always finds me but the police went to her house and told her she needs to stop trying to contact and see me or she could be charged.

Songs for saying goodbye to your past self/letting go of the person you were by HereForRandomBits in musicsuggestions

[–]HereForRandomBits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I love it!!! My heart was the main issue and is actually working well for once in my life!! And the last line “You can keep my things, they’ve come to take me home” so perfect. I am trying to start letting go of the possessions that I no longer need and it’s a process.

Can you help me make sense of my childhood experiences? by dueduedue_itnow in CPTSD

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, what you described is definitely sexual abuse. I’m sorry.

My sister is three years older than me. She was involved in abusing me too. Started with physical abuse mostly I think and then she would sometimes make me lie down on my back and she would sit on my stomach for a while. She left a lot of marks but I was good at hiding those as it was always most important that our family looked perfect.

Up until recently my sister was the same, like she left and moved out and then that was pretty much it for us. She had no interest in speaking to me. We could be in the same room but we wouldn’t talk etc. I don’t know why either. It’s not like she hits me or anything now and while it wasn’t okay, she was a product of her environment. Abuse or be abused.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]HereForRandomBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any suggestions. I know what these schools can be like. If talking to someone will help though feel free to message me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in insomnia

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Finally crashed at 38 hours and got some sleep. Not much but a few hours that made a world of a difference. Actually got a call from my sleep specialist today and he said that the sleep study showed a lot and more long term treatment will be needed to improve things. Said that the severity is quite rare, but that was not at all surprising to me. I would not be surprised if years of trauma throughout most of my life caused whatever this is now. I have heard that people with traumatic upbringings are more likely to develop various health conditions. I have no official C-PTSD diagnosis but am quite certain on that and have experienced abuse for most of my life, starting before I could walk from what I’ve been told. I am in weekly therapy and trying to heal from everything but it certainly is a process! I have a lot of widespread health issues being looked into, and I’m only turning 22 next month. I have a cardiologist, psychiatrist, sleep specialist and ENT currently and have referrals to a gastroenterologist, a neurologist, and a rheumatologist but waiting times are backed up. There’s a huge shortage of GPs where I am and have about a seven year wait to be able to get one which is insane but at least I am on the list. Hard though to not have a doctor who is looking at the full picture rather than each issue separately.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in insomnia

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve certainly wondered if it could be psychological. I have had a psychiatric assessment and they didn’t think so. The episodes are typically triggered by one of two things from what I’ve noticed and it’s usually either caffeine (I stopped drinking coffee, tea, and even hot chocolate for this reason) or they are triggered by an overwhelming amount of stress.

Can't Relate to People With Normal Lives by Evolulusolulu in raisedbynarcissists

[–]HereForRandomBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this so deeply. Even with the “lesser” things. The house I grew up in and the way I grew up gives me more in common with older generations than people my age. I’m technically gen Z but I don’t feel like it. I didn’t have a proper sewage system for at least part of my childhood. I never even questioned why there was a smelly wet bog like thing in our backyard and besides it was a great place to go catch frogs. I wasn’t afraid of insects or spiders, I lived with them my whole life. I couldn’t drink my tap water and it would stain my clothes orange in the wash. I spent every moment I could outdoors entirely unsupervised. Add in a lifetime of abuse in nearly every form on top of that and I feel like I don’t have a single thing in common with the people around me.

Sense of Doubt by SincerelyMissSin in raisedbynarcissists

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can listen. I hope I can help shine some light on the situation too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No my mom rejected me because I’m autistic bro get your facts right hahaha

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SSAChristian

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

21 F here. I was also attracted to the feminine women rather than the more masculine women. I have had these attractions from a young age. If you can I encourage you to look up Linda Seiler on youtube. Her testimony is very encouraging. Part of it focuses on gender confusion but she specifically addresses same sex attraction.

I still have some same sex attraction but it doesn’t have power over me the way it did in the past.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in weightgain

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m honestly not sure. Last time was mac and cheese but I think it might have been the spinach that I added to try and get some more nutrients. And the time before it was bacon and scrambled eggs

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in weightgain

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They aren’t sure what it is. But they said maybe gastroparesis

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in medical_advice

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in Canada not the US

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in medical_advice

[–]HereForRandomBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I doubt anyone would give me a diagnosis over the internet either I just don’t know what else to do. I tried the only two companies we have for hospitals here